My longing for normality existed before I knew it
To be accepted is to be normal
To be wanted is to be normal

When I was accepted and wanted I still was not normal
To be loved is to be normal
To be needed is to be normal

One day I may be loved
And one day I may be needed
But I will never be normal

I always wanted a quiet home
A tidy place where everything is where it belongs
A place with order and rules, leaders and followers
But above all else I have always wanted a quiet home

But I was born into a noisy home
A place with no order
No rhyme or no reason
I did not choose to, but I have always lived in a noisy home

The thing about a noisy home is that
The more you try to quiet it, the louder it gets
The noise can be quite exhausting in my home
Indeed, the only way to fix a noisy home is to leave

The thing about my noisy home is that
When I leave I can never come back
The noise will stop but so will all else
And I will have no home to come back to

Oh how I wish I was born with a quiet home
A place with silence and peace
But my wishes only add to the noise
And without my wishes I would not be me

When I was 12 I got sick
The kind of sick you don't understand yet
An itch in the throat
A cough or two

When I was 15 I got sicker
The kind of sick you try to ignore
A stuffy nose
A hoarse voice

When I was 18 I got sicker
The kind of sick you hope a good nights sleep will fix
A stinging headache
A couple of aches

When I was 19 I got sicker
The kind of sick where you take your medicine and pray for it to pass
A high fever
A flushed face

I am 21 and I am still sick
The kind of sick I don't understand
A fretful dizziness
A doubtful voice

When I am 40 I will still be sick
The kind of sick you hope is not contagious
My son will come home with an itch in his throat
And I won't know how to save him