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1.5k · Mar 2019
Secrets and Doors
Bella Mar 2019
And for a single passing moment, you were mine. I caved. I stopped trying to push my love away. I opened the locked door that was never content. I let myself love you. And In a blink of an eye, the lock went back on the relentlessly beaten door. I tortured my self to control my uncontainable love. You are my biggest fault. An addict is what I’ve become. Addicted to your *******.
570 · Mar 2019
Torn lovers
Bella Mar 2019
You’ve confused my heart in ways no one has before. But I continue to drown myself in this ever-growing pool of miscommunication. I tell myself that those coffee roast eyes that I love are worth the ache I feel. It will be everlasting. I either suffer from being in love and unloved or swallow the feeling of emptiness.
414 · Mar 2019
Bodys in Orbit
Bella Mar 2019
I
Every beautiful beings mind is in orbit. Some stable and well managed, others are manic; and some are just broken standing still on its track. One may choose to fix themselves independently another may wait for rescue.
II
Carefully climb out on this thin line of sanity and begin to push that mind of yours. Break a sweat, lungs gasping, arms aching, heart racing; it’s really quite exhilarating. The moment of clarity and rejoice. Mind and body whole again. What a beauty to begin with.
III
Time passes by so slow but so fast. Days feel like years when really they are hours? Sitting in a content panic you search for another. One who will break a sweat for you, one who will allow their lungs to gasp for you, who will push with their already aching arms, blood pumping faster and faster through their fragile heart; all so you may be whole again. That is a journey you should experience yourself. Schemes have always been your way of life. Always leaving your ***** work to others. You are complete again. Right? So all is fine.
IV
Be wise with your decisions. Always have trust in yourself. Never should you rely on another exhaustively. It leads to a noxious cycle that is dreadful to escape. Be strong and bold on your lonesome so than when another comes along simply surround each other in strength.
403 · May 2019
Bitter-Sweet
Bella May 2019
Ears bitten by bitter words.
Words that are said to be out of love.
Yet each time there’s more hate in each ear piercing syllable.
Love by will not by force.
Do not discredit another for mistakes.
The mastery of our kind is unheard of.
Flawed.
Imperfect.
Yet tame.
Controlled.
Merciless words fracture my heart.
Shall I return the favor?
Do my words eat at you?
Sour aren't they?
To me they're bitter-sweet.
369 · Mar 2019
War of love
Bella Mar 2019
The essence of love is strong but un-pure. And you are soaked in this devilish scent. My heart undoubtedly drawn in. I slowly lost myself in you. Day after day you were the one thing to constantly trace my mind. This love poisoning my judgment. I am trapped inside your palm. Now just another pawn in your war with love.
331 · Jun 2019
Inside the Mind
Bella Jun 2019
Energy radiating from your warm, u̶n̶-n̶u̶r̶t̶u̶r̶e̶d̶ soul entices me.

I Daydream of your gentle but c̶a̶l̶l̶o̶u̶s̶e̶d̶ hand pressed palm-to-palm with mine; fingers intertwined.

Living as if I was yours in a fairytale land.

Joy spreads across your face as your soft hazel eyes follow my stride.

Dousing myself in the lovely h̶e̶l̶l̶f̶i̶r̶e̶.

Draw my hips in close to yours; lay your precious lips upon mine.

The dream is beginning to d̶i̶e̶.

My eyes flutter open and I return to the n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶m̶a̶r̶e̶ of reality while my head lies calmly on your chest feeling each shallow breath.
316 · Apr 2019
Restless
Bella Apr 2019
Still yet still in motion.
I lay here ever questioning.
How we all came to be?
Why have we encountered certain  tragedies?
Must I love all the things I see?
Are you and I supposed to be?
Is it all a dream?
I slowly forget that I’m spinning.
Laying here focused on my ceiling.
Dreaming about all the possibilities.
Every thought that seamlessly traces my mind is divine.
May we all be dreamers.
In the day.
In the night.
Wide awake.
Fast asleep.
There’s always a new dream.
305 · Mar 2019
Life
Bella Mar 2019
Naked and vulnerable, I stand here with water cleansing my soul. I start to weep; slowly falling from my feet. Now I sit with trails down my cheeks and streams down my back begging myself to understand. Yet I don’t, I continue to ask myself what I’ve become. A lovesick fool, now getting ready for the masquerade ball. I slip on my casual dress. I mustn’t catch the eye of another whom I’ll oppress. Now my mask to hide the black beneath my eyes and the stains those trails have left behind.
297 · Apr 2019
wordless poetry
Bella Apr 2019
Poetry is meant to be deep.
deeper than the coreless ocean; vaster than the galaxies.
It's where your deepest thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams are supposed to lie in peace.
Yet lately I feel uncappable of writing.
Every word I print feels lost with no meaning.
Broken thoughts that I can't seem to fix.
I stare blank minded at my notebook trying to spill ink.

It seems my pen has ran dry.
291 · Mar 2019
Daydreamers <\3
Bella Mar 2019
We claim to have this everlasting bond, a friendship. But how can you expect so much of me? To play a silly girl in your unrealistic world. We have loved, made love even and you continue to hold up these boundaries. An I often catch myself daydreaming about how things could be different in a realistic world. You. Me. Deeply in love. But instead, we survive with the ****** frustration between us. Remember this was always your idea.
291 · Jul 2019
Static
Bella Jul 2019
Static
A constant state of being stuck in uncertainty
The black and white blurred together in noisy frustration
There’s bad, there’s good
But now you can’t find the line between them
All swirled together in a simple tv screen
The chanel that showed my life used to be filled with color
Has now gone off air
213 · Mar 2019
Hush
Bella Mar 2019
You’re my ***** little secret. The one who always seems to grasp my heart. But everything is just a dream because no one else will ever see it.
203 · Apr 2019
Have you Ever Wished¿
Bella Apr 2019
A friend and I had a heart-to-heart over our connections with our parents. We both grew up in a broken home. With difficult experiences with our parents.

He at one point asked me, “Have you ever wished you could do it over and make it different”

When he raised that thought upon me, I hesitated. I had to think, would I even be able to change what happened? Did it really hurt me that much? Could my long lost father be here in my life? Do I like who I am? And then I answered them all one by one. No, I wouldn’t I couldn’t make mom and dad love each other. Yes it hurt me but, I am a strong because of it. Possibly, but quite frankly I wouldn’t want him here. And finally no, I love myself. I am who, I am for a reason. I am perfect in my own unique way.

I then responded, “ No, I’m grateful for the bad and the good I’ve been dealt in life. It’s made me a good person. A person who still smiles on my worst days because I find the good even if it’s the smallest bit. It makes the world a different place.”

“I have never thought about it that way. I think I should try that!?” He replied instantly.

”It’s not always easy” I advise, “but even when it’s hard you mustn’t quit trying! If you ever have a day that you feel like quitting, or when you're just too tired to try; maybe even a day you just need a friend. I am here.”

“Ok, thank you.” He responded dearly.

                                • • •
I never realized that something that I do to control my roller coaster of a mind could change a persons perspective. I also never thought I would come upon that conversation. That was positive in my treacherous day. His hurt that I then turned to hope made my heart scintillate. Always love the worst part of your days. You grasp something new each time you just have to look for what it’s teaching. May it be a new face, feeling or a new thought. Whatever it is. It is important.
188 · Mar 2019
Unexplainable love
Bella Mar 2019
The universe seems to enjoy when we’re together. We are drawn to each other in this unexplainable way. And the thoughts that run through my mind. The ones of “us”. They drive me absolutely crazy. It like a craving for you to love me. But in the end, you always seem to run. Those feeling have to mean nothing; you have to mean nothing, and that breaks my heart.

— The End —