I love everything about you
But I can never have you
Her sister told her I was bad news
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I can't leave, there's nowhere to go
Now I'm at an all time low
Where'd you go?? Who the hell knows...
You left me with no road home.
An illusion you have shown to me
A delusion you have given me
An intrusion on my fantasies,
But I'll admit, it was a nice dream.
Maybe I was clingy,
Maybe I was boring,
I'd try to tell you stories,
You would just be snoring
I know it's late, but at this rate we'll never talk again
ANd that would be to much for me, this can't be how it ends.
Say you're sorry 'bout what you said,
Say you don't really wish I was dead,
Say you're sorry 'bout making the new guy's face burn red.
I don't care.

They say make your dreams come true
In my eyes I can fly,
is that what I should try and do??
I hope that I can fly
It's a sad way to go,
To jump, flap your arms, and die.
I'm reachin' down the side of my bed.
If my phone dies I'll have left you on read,
Unfortunately, it's about to be dead,
I'm sorry.
Everyone hates me, can't pick up the phone,
I always say it's just cause I haven't been home,
The truth is I just don't care 'til you're already gone
And now you're nowhere to be seen
I'm checking your social gallery
Just to see ya
I've tried everything
I've tried to sing to make you stay
But my words just make you go away,
Don't leave me.
I need help but I don't want it
Somehow, though
You always seem to try and fix me
Are you out of your ****** mind?
You have stepped way out of line,
Fixing me isn't your job, it's mine.

What would you have to say about the world if you were the last man standing?
No, not the last man standing on the entire planet.
Imagine you had just finished a war and you were the last man standing.
Would you lose your faith in humanity??
Would you recognize that you have just slayed real people??
Who had families??
Would you feel pride that you have defeated the enemy??
Or maybe regret?
Guilt?
Numbness?
Your face is covered in someone else’s blood,
You’re trembling,
You’re processing,
And you’re thinking.
Perhaps thinking so much that you forget how you feel??
What would you have to say about the world if you were the last man standing?

Why is it so impossible for me to get out of bed?
I am tired.
A tireness no amount of sleep could discard.
I know, I've tried.
There have been days where I went to sleep at 6 pm,
Woke up at 9 pm,
and then went back to sleep.
And I slept until 8 am.
But this is a bone-deep tiredness.
So, I stay in bed.
Sitting up in bed alone takes up all my energy,
So why should I get up?
My eyes burn and are swollen shut from the tears I shed last night,
This battle to stay alive
This battle against depression
Anxiety
My own mind
It is all to difficult,
And I don't have the energy to fight it.
I can't get out of bed.
I feel quite safe in this bed that my blankets have encased me in,
And I am not hungry...
At least not enough to get up and go get some food.
I just hate the 'outside world,'
Being in the car makes my stomach turn,
And the screaming of my stomach is so annoying.
If the car I was feeling ill in suddenly crashed,
I wouldn't mind.
I feel tired,
And alone,
And empty...
Always empty.
There's always something missing.
Answer me this:
If my poor old mother was sobbing on the phone, begging me to stay...
Begging me to suffer, in other words...
Would I really be around to care?
What's the point??
There.
That's it.
What's the point?
That's why I can't get out of bed.
I could be so **** motivated.
"Come on," I'd encourage myself, "We got this!! Get up!!"
And I'd sit up,
Sigh,
And immediately sit back down.
Because what IS the point?
So,
I'll lay in this bed of mine,
Held down by these blankets,
And I won't mind a single bit.
Because I'm rather fascinated by these nightmares,
And I'm not hungry...
At least, not enough to get up.

It's been a while, old friend.
Old razor, the one I put away.
I have been good, I have been okay,
But then I was not, and I needed to see you once again.
It hasn't been great, old friend.
I have cried too many tears,
and now I need a friend to console me.
Oh, how I've missed you.
How I have missed you dancing across my skin...
How I have missed the scarlet beads you summon whenever you prance by,
How I have missed the bumps on my arms and the burn in the shower.
How I have missed this feeling: The feeling that is not numbness, but cannot be described.
No, maybe it can... Relief.
Relief that I can still bleed,
and I am not a robot.
I am not a monster.
I am not evil.
Hey, old friend, am I evil??
Am I selfish?
Am I a good person?

The stale smell
of beer
and wasted lives