I hold onto words
As if they're the air I breath
And I decipher each one
So that I'll know what they mean

Their voices are like proof
That I can do more than just admire
Their texts are like evidence
That I can be ones desire

I tell myself I'm something
Though I believe it's dishonest
If the walls could talk my full length mirror
Could love me with true promise

I measure my worth
Through numbers and facts
My feelings they grow dusty
My tears shoved under mats

I let people with no faces
Sing my praises loud
Since I'm not sure who I'll be
Or who I am right now

The more pain I feel
The greater I've achieved
The sting means it's working
A sign that I'll succeed

I tell her I'm fine
I tell him I'm great
I keep preaching love
While I reek of hate

I bought the best of materials
For this teary wet wall
The thickest facade
That I will never let fall

I decide weeks in advance
The emotions I will feel
It's hard to be sick
But it's harder to heal

I feel comfort in my decision
To lie to all around me
So I may continue to rot
So no one will stop me

I know all the steps
The steps one takes to remedy
But the plague in my blood
Has made me lose my memory

For now I'll be alive
Though I might not be living
And I'll cling onto my blight
And all that it is giving

The things I've been told
Never really clicked with my heart
Ive never given up mobility
Or mental health stability
I just let them crumble to parts

Hold onto my hand
Even though we know you're slipping
I feel better knowing
I tried saving you
Before you were torn from my hand
And I was at your funeral

I grab onto fire hydrants
Because they feel just like your heart
Completely untouched
Dusty and red

I stare up at the street lights
Because they look just like your eyes
Painfully blinding
Pale and vulnerable

I scream at the cars
Because they sound just like your words
Ridiculously loud
Rusty and metallic

I lick all the glass buildings
Because they taste just like your kiss
Chillingly artificial
Transparent and busy

I linger with the tradesman
Because they smell just like your tension
Deathly anxious
Uptight and stuffy

You're cold and out of touch
I see it on your face
We have nothing in common
Except one chilly place
You're so many shades of blue
And only one shade of red
Like the color of my sight
When I remember all you've said
Tall are the buildings
You say you admire
You don't like warmth
Yet you're made of fire
You said I should visit
We were meant to be close
Maybe one day
When we call off the eastern coast
Are you able to hold the weight
Of the rain in The Bronx
In your sleek convertible
Could you handle all the honks
Do you like the idea of a loud city
Because it might fill up your mind
There's not much in there
Not much to find
Am I your statue of liberty
A green mold that's exquisite
You'll forget all about me
After one or two visits
Your name is now a code
For the other one I know
You're cold and out of touch
Like an empire state snow

You make it simple
You make it so so easy
To deprive myself of love
And hate everything about me

You make it minimal
You make it so so easy
To turn off my tears
And to hold it in fiercely

You make it innocent
You make it so so easy
To fall off my rocker
And lose sight of clarity

You make it quick
You make is so so easy
To hurl up my meals
And to punish my body

You make it humorous
You make it so so easy
To cut off every friend
And isolate reality

You make it effortless
You make it so so easy
To doubt everything I say
And to call myself crazy

When things seem easy
You don't tend to ask for help
But you make it a little too easy
To completely destroy myself