I think I might be broken
But not the fun broken
Where the boy puts me back together.
The type of broken that everyone avoids
The messy angry broken
The horribly guilty broken
The disgusting miserable broken.
Sometimes I can't fall sleep at night
Because im scared I'm too broken
For any toolbox
any diagnoses
And any prayer.
All these people
And all these outfits
Are ****** glue sticks
I found under my bed.
I wonder every now and then
Who was holding the hammer
When I fell to peices
Mayve it doesn't even matter.
When I broke I bled
So much blood that I drowned
And now my sheets are stained.
Nothing I do is real these days
Because all of its a distraction
All of its a problem
All of its a disease
None of its life.

Please hold my hand tighter
As you dangle me off this cliff
The bottom is filled with spiders
And all the poems I've wrote
All the poems with your name
All the poems stained with tears

Please let my heart go
Let me float into the sky
Up there I'll find refuge
And all the joys I wish to have
All the joys I've been hoping for
All the joys without you in them

I don't want to feel this way
At least I think I don't
Why would I want a venom so toxic
It infects my neurons for months?
I don't want to feel this way
At least I hope I don't
Why would I want a sun so bright
It burns into my retina?
I don't want to feel this way
At least I pretend I don't
Why would I want a wave so large
It rolls down my face persistently?
I don't want to feel this way
At least I assume I don't
Why would I want a horrible earthquake
That sends shakes into my heart?
I don't want to feel this way
At least I decide I don't
Why would I want a buzzing bug
That follows me perfusely?

God I call apon you now
To try and help me find
A want to stop feeling
And leave this all behind

A goose chase
A bird with beautiful feathers
And I know he's a weak wooden match
And the farther I run after him
The thicker the forest becomes
My feet are getting stuck in the mud
And the shadows keep getting darker
But I can't escape his golden feathers
Drawing me closer
Closer than I want to be
Because the branches are scratching at my face
And the pollen burns my eyes
But the sound of the bird is so beautiful
And I can't draw my ears away
Every tree looks familiar
Yet I am so so lost
Within this horrible jungle
But all i see within the pain
Is a beautiful golden goose
Just slightly out of reach

You're like a race
A car pushing 180
But you're miles away
Driving so far into the sunset
You might fall off the edge of the world.
Every now and then
You'll drive close to my heart
Before rushing off again
Far away into the horizon.
My head spins faster than those charcoal tires
And my heart beats faster than your radio
My eyes leak like gasoline
And my mind roars like motors
Everytime your taillights become specks

Stop revving your engine
And driving round my block
If you'll never find my address

Am I the spider in the corner
Weaving a sticky web
So I might catch a beautiful bug
A bug I can hold onto
Wrap up and keep
So carefully I design this web
A thread of fear
A thread of vulnerability
A thread of confidence
But the only thing the bug will see
Is the facade of my design
Never truly knowing
How trapped he will truly become

I'm going to be the dirt
And maybe even the dust
That the passerbys walk all over
When the sun has set
And the smiles have settled
All will be reminiscent
Except me
The grime on the ground
For I have nothing to find nostalgic
No smile to love
No kiss to crave
And that utter terror
Of being left alone
While the crowds move along
Is what keeps my eyes open
When the sun is close to rising