So much sadness I am feeling
Yet it can't seem to fall
I start feeling little
And then nothing at all

My heart is afraid
Of an inconsolable strain
And he knows that's what I need
But he can only know the pain

The tears can't find a path
To stream down my face
A throb behind my eyes
That can never escape

I twist and I turn
I claw at my head
I'm stuck in a cage
While I lie down in bed

I guess I'm to blame
I resisted for so long
I thought I was brave
I'm thinking that I'm wrong

So now I don't await my collapse
I don't await that burst
Because my heart he has decided
To block out all that hurt

I feel like taking you somewhere
Far away from my home
Somewhere I can breath
Where we can be alone

I'll open up my heart
And let you look inside
Fully open to your gaze
And all that I hide

You'll laugh and i'll melt
The way I tend to be
When you're talking out loud
When you're talking of me

There might be a breeze
Or some sun in your hair
You'll apologize for something
And ill say i don't care

Because how could I care
When I'm sitting here with you
When there's so much to touch
So much we could do

I hope the wind will sting my eyes
So you'll wipe away my tears
I hope you'll open your heart too
So I can pick away your fears

I feel like taking you somewhere
Where we can be alone
Somewhere I can breath
A place that feels like home

I hold onto words
As if they're the air I breath
And I decipher each one
So that I'll know what they mean

Their voices are like proof
That I can do more than just admire
Their texts are like evidence
That I can be ones desire

I tell myself I'm something
Though I believe it's dishonest
If the walls could talk my full length mirror
Could love me with true promise

I measure my worth
Through numbers and facts
My feelings they grow dusty
My tears shoved under mats

I let people with no faces
Sing my praises loud
Since I'm not sure who I'll be
Or who I am right now

The more pain I feel
The greater I've achieved
The sting means it's working
A sign that I'll succeed

I tell her I'm fine
I tell him I'm great
I keep preaching love
While I reek of hate

I bought the best of materials
For this teary wet wall
The thickest facade
That I will never let fall

I decide weeks in advance
The emotions I will feel
It's hard to be sick
But it's harder to heal

I feel comfort in my decision
To lie to all around me
So I may continue to rot
So no one will stop me

I know all the steps
The steps one takes to remedy
But the plague in my blood
Has made me lose my memory

For now I'll be alive
Though I might not be living
And I'll cling onto my blight
And all that it is giving

The things I've been told
Never really clicked with my heart
Ive never given up mobility
Or mental health stability
I just let them crumble to parts

Hold onto my hand
Even though we know you're slipping
I feel better knowing
I tried saving you
Before you were torn from my hand
And I was at your funeral

I grab onto fire hydrants
Because they feel jusy like your heart
Completely untouched
Dusty and red

I stare up at the street lights
Because they look just like your eyes
Painfully blinding
Pale and vulnerable

I scream at the cars
Because they sound just like your words
Ridiculously loud
Rusty and metallic

I lick all the glass buildings
Because they taste just like your kiss
Chillingly artificial
Transparent and busy

I linger with the tradesman
Because they smell like your tension
Deathly anxious
Uptight and stuffy