I tend to follow strings
That lead no where
Sometimes even
They dangle off dark trenches
And I'm such a fool
I follow them to my doom

I lock all my doors
With bolts and keys
You're always pounding on the doors
And I always let you in
If your knuckles are already bruised
Might as well knock some sense into me

I light fires
That I don't know how put out
[  ] Sometimes I find hoses
And I'm filled with hope
Unfortunately
I don't know how those work either

I keep crashing cars
On the sides of mountains
The radio sings like molasses
Not a soul around
And yet I still always manage
To blame the traffic in the city

I forget the time
And the dates on the calender
When the sun sets on my face
All I truly know
Is another day is done
And another day is wasted

Tower over my heart
And spit onto my veins
Hold your grip on my mind
And bite into my brain
The bruises they shine purple
The slashes start to scab
My cheeks are wet like foggy air
Each tear is full of sad
The pain is like a thorny bush
Green yet full of death
I can barley breath
Yet ill still analyze your breath
I'm getting high on your cruel words
Careless and full of greed
The spiders poison still brings it fame
Your attentions what I need
Any hate I feel fades fast
The torture melts to sunshine
A fleeting storm that cannot last
Replaced by warmth I claim as mine
I am slowly burning
In your boiling sea
But the sky is just too cold
And I don't know how to be free

Attraction to attraction
I'm running around the boardwalk
The sun is igniting my hair
And I listen to the seaguls talk.
Some of these games cost a lot
But I brought money to spare
Some of these games win me prizes
But that's not why I'm here.
The smell of food is strong
My senses are alert
There's sand and shells in my shoe
But this place blinds the hurt.
Through my fun and games
Lies a restless cloud
But he's easily ignored
Since this fair is far too loud.
Each feature is enticing
I'm hooked on all these booths
The thunder starts to rumble
But I'm blocking out the truth.
The carousel matches the spinning storm
And the roller coasters zoom like lightning
There still so much to try
The possibilitys are frightening.
I smell the moist air
And I feel a drop or two
But it's ok for now I hope
There's still so much to do.
The crowds they start to disipate
In lines I stand alone
The gale has just arrived
But the people head on home.
Dread fills my core
But my feet they keep moving
My laughter is loud
But fear keeps intruding.
And like a dam breaking
The sky pores down a flood
Now the air is cold
And the sands thick like blood.
Now I'm here listless
With nothing to do
All the attractions have closed
And my disparity brews.
No one to turn to
No shelter or shade
I think i was just waiting
For the rain on my parade.

You know you're in darkness
When the lights become brighter.
How odd is the night
The stars are on fire
Yet the air is ice.
The fan in my room
Drys up my hot tears.
Every electrical wire
Had a charge with a purpose
A safe place to go.
Wires are strangling cords
Given to the children of today.
There was a baby in her belly
Did she know how'd she turn up
A hideous creature.
The future is less of a line
And more like a rubber band.
I tie my hair up
When I want to feel the sun
And when the sun gets too hot.
The sun has a troubled brother
They call him dim moon.
The moon barley sheds light
Do not be discouraged
Everyone knows his name.
You know you're in darkness
When the lights become brighter.

I think I might be broken
But not the fun broken
Where the boy puts me back together.
The type of broken that everyone avoids
The messy angry broken
The horribly guilty broken
The disgusting miserable broken.
Sometimes I can't fall sleep at night
Because im scared I'm too broken
For any toolbox
any diagnoses
And any prayer.
All these people
And all these outfits
Are ****** glue sticks
I found under my bed.
I wonder every now and then
Who was holding the hammer
When I fell to peices
Mayve it doesn't even matter.
When I broke I bled
So much blood that I drowned
And now my sheets are stained.
Nothing I do is real these days
Because all of its a distraction
All of its a problem
All of its a disease
None of its life.

Please hold my hand tighter
As you dangle me off this cliff
The bottom is filled with spiders
And all the poems I've wrote
All the poems with your name
All the poems stained with tears

Please let my heart go
Let me float into the sky
Up there I'll find refuge
And all the joys I wish to have
All the joys I've been hoping for
All the joys without you in them

I don't want to feel this way
At least I think I don't
Why would I want a venom so toxic
It infects my neurons for months?
I don't want to feel this way
At least I hope I don't
Why would I want a sun so bright
It burns into my retina?
I don't want to feel this way
At least I pretend I don't
Why would I want a wave so large
It rolls down my face persistently?
I don't want to feel this way
At least I assume I don't
Why would I want a horrible earthquake
That sends shakes into my heart?
I don't want to feel this way
At least I decide I don't
Why would I want a buzzing bug
That follows me perfusely?

God I call apon you now
To try and help me find
A want to stop feeling
And leave this all behind