i give in to the sad people
   listening
nodding knowingly
pretending to understand
and realizing
my sadness is nothing
compared to what possesses them
i see glimmers of hope
   in a day filled with dread
i can control my tears
   when blasted with ignorant
                                    condemnation
and i can hold my own
when ridiculed, insulted
and debased
my sadness does not encompass
    nor break me
i don't seek pity
or cry for attention
my heart has survived being broken
and has toughened with time
i don't have a hand to hold
or a shoulder to lean on
but i am strong
             hard
       impenetrable

i think i've beaten sadness
   but in return
became a wall of lonely
            strength.

i'm watching her
shifting uncomfortably in her seat
then she turns
and catches my eye
giving me a ***** look
i meet her stare
and hold it
until she looks away
shaking her head in obvious annoyance

me

making someone uneasy
   just by watching them

possessing such power
   with a mere look

what disruption can i cause
if i put my whole heart & soul
   into it?

i'm still trying
to wrap my head around
this whole
all you need is love
thing.

i thought of you the other day
and realized my memories
   are quite blurred

i follow a lonely, maybe just alone,
woman down the street
     watching her
as she glances at shop windows
or maybe she's taking a peek
at her reflection

i don't know why i follow her
maybe it's to see where she goes
   maybe it’s to take a glimpse into her life...

does she meet with friends
   have a lover
does a dog greet her at the door
   or is there a sick mother
in constant demand of something
   maybe a beer bellied husband
stinking of filth, ***** & sweat
   who gets his kicks
   out of smacking her around

                     or

maybe she's alone
   living a life
devoid of restrictions
     commitments
        permissions
& approval
a life that allows her
to wander the streets at any time
absently glancing into shop windows

a life empty of love?

will you offer me...

   an ear
to listen to my hopes
   my dreams
     and my fears
    eyes
to see beyond what is placed before you
into the depths that make me
who i am
   arms
to hold me when i am afraid
   light
to replace the darkness
that sometimes envelopes me
    an open mind
to accept things about me
you don't understand
    your soul
so that i can hide out there
when i need to be alone
                          with you
    & your heart
so i know that i am safe
without questioning
                         the reason why

give these things to me
and i will give you all that i am

i promise.

there's a shadow that follows her
she knows not why
so she's been using it
for comfort
like an old blanket
that keeps her warm
on the coldest of nights
it cannot be stamped out
     or smothered
and
it never leaves
through the brightest day
and the darkest night
it envelopes her
holding on
like a stubborn child
not wanting to let go
so...
she's accepted it
lives with it
and goes about her days
with the heavy burden of that shadow
clinging to her back
   weakening her
slowly bringing her down

but because she knows nothing else
it has become a part of her
that may never leave.