i give in to the sad people
   listening
nodding knowingly
pretending to understand
and realizing
my sadness is nothing
compared to what possesses them
i see glimmers of hope
   in a day filled with dread
i can control my tears
   when blasted with ignorant
                                    condemnation
and i can hold my own
when ridiculed, insulted
and debased
my sadness does not encompass
    nor break me
i don't seek pity
or cry for attention
my heart has survived being broken
and has toughened with time
i don't have a hand to hold
or a shoulder to lean on
but i am strong
             hard
       impenetrable

i think i've beaten sadness
   but in return
became a wall of lonely
            strength.

i'm watching her
shifting uncomfortably in her seat
then she turns
and catches my eye
giving me a ***** look
i meet her stare
and hold it
until she looks away
shaking her head in obvious annoyance

me

making someone uneasy
   just by watching them

possessing such power
   with a mere look

what disruption can i cause
if i put my whole heart & soul
   into it?

i saw you toss your trash
onto the sidewalk
   and i cringed
my heart beat intensified
roaring loudly in my head

bu-bump bu-bump bu-bump

my hands started to shake
and i desperately looked for something
to hold on to
   a stick
     or bat
yes, a bat would be better
so i could walk up to you
and knock that silly grin
off your face
and stuff your trash down your skinny throat

but instead...

i picked up the trash
and tossed it in the bin

*yeah, i'm a coward
eat it.

standing in an open doorway
i breath in the wet pavement
savoring the raw freshness
of a very good rain.

who am i
   thee with brittle heart...
to ridicule
another's proclamation
of true love?

...to sneer at a tortured soul
bewildered by the
soulmate
who decided the love offered
wasn't enough

who am i
to watch, amused
at the vain attempts to still
the desperate beating of a heart
that yearns for the return
of a long, lost love

who am i?

i am the cheated survivor
of a once loudly proclaimed love affair
with a soulmate
that left me yearning
for the love i once thought
i had.

grey skies
feed the grass
    & expand the earth
          which swallows seeds
for splashy blossoms.

i'm still trying
to wrap my head around
this whole
all you need is love
thing.

i thought of you the other day
and realized my memories
   are quite blurred

i follow a lonely, maybe just alone,
woman down the street
     watching her
as she glances at shop windows
or maybe she's taking a peek
at her reflection

i don't know why i follow her
maybe it's to see where she goes
   maybe it’s to take a glimpse into her life...

does she meet with friends
   have a lover
does a dog greet her at the door
   or is there a sick mother
in constant demand of something
   maybe a beer bellied husband
stinking of filth, ***** & sweat
   who gets his kicks
   out of smacking her around

                     or

maybe she's alone
   living a life
devoid of restrictions
     commitments
        permissions
& approval
a life that allows her
to wander the streets at any time
absently glancing into shop windows

a life empty of love?

...she looked at me
   wide eyed
     mouth forming a small O
and i wanted to bottle her up
put her on a shelf
and keep her innocent
forever.