Why build a wall just to spit over it?
You think I cannot reach to return your phlegm...
Flinging arrows reach and then fall into empty space.
They land. Limp and lifeless.
My denial and best wishes pull the wind from your heavy sails-
My refusal to raise my aim stifles your empty screams...
You read.  You decipher.
Your lack of ammunition stalls you.

Wind back to when you wooed me,
Itinerary read fun, no falling,
You took my pen and crossed away
It hit me without warning...
Like the tide creeping in,
My dipping toes retracted,
Then beautifully distracted-
I dropped my pen and swam.

Frying pan to fire,
Escape into a trap,
Of course the grass is greener,
'til you stop and lay your hat.
She monitors your phonecalls
and every move you make -
You will always say it's greener
In your prison with no break.

Pre-occupation - an addiction,
A consuming odd fixation,
Venomous reflection,
Filters through,
Word by word.
You spit your toxic *******,
Declaring jurisdiction,
For a purposeless obsession,
Just to make sure you are heard.

You wanted me to hate you, to attack you, to berate you,
Pen an evil letter, poisoned words to elevate you,
Slander social media…
Spew a midnight scream…
I rise above you in my silence -
It is louder, so it seems…

Four

Treasured and tortured but I couldn’t fix you,
From sweetness to sordid, moved forward, it tricks you,
Calamity, chaos authority takes you…

Three

Treasured and tortured but I couldn’t halt you,
Shock and betrayal took flight, how it slams you,
Plunged to the depths, trust destroyed, nearly damns you…  

Two

Treasure, you’re tortured and it’s time to lose you,
Waved at the door, my last hope, wrapped up in you,
How, in a year, those you love travel through you…

One

The pathway, making headway,
Clandestine caresses at my door,
Opening, unravelling, trusting without trusting to explore.  
Building and meandering,
A plethora of questions
and I question you once more…
Your last love, your lost love
Why not sign the line to close the door?

Sometimes the words come.
Cascading, tripping over each other
On the white of the page in red teacher pen.
Sadness, venom, despair.
Take a word and spill its guts.
Bleed it for answers and pour.

Staring at a stranger
Once a part of me, inside.
Integral, interwoven,
Wrapped around me,
Stemmed the tide.
Questions are unanswered,
Words a part of me, denied.
Resisting and unravelling,
All I know
is that you lied.

A lifetime.
Erased.  Cut short. Exit stage.
Without a glance downstage.
Fellow players in your tragedy
Left to bow.  To explain.
Words don’t come – but pain…
that flows with the muted
applause.  For the ‘bravery’,
the ‘getting through’.
Away from the spotlight
backstage we wretch.
We cling and we weep.
We struggle to eat, to function, to sleep.
Your new audience greets
You.  You mutter, what show?
I closed it down
It’s no longer mine.
I lowered the curtain.
Shut it down.  Closed it up.
Exit left.
Fellow players that you once inspired
Slow clap your tragedy.