you untie the tangle
the red string has went from loops
and twists
and bends
and now you can see it all...
i bet you regret it
because i wanted you to stop
now you know too much
and now
you'll probably leave me
just like everyone else did
i'm just too much
too much of a mess
a burden
for you to deal with
i'm sorry that what i went through
and what it left me with
hurts you
because i feel like actual worthless ****
but you treat me like a burden
so i must be wrong
because
every
single
*******
time.
i'll tell someone what i go through
and they'll say:
"it's ******* me that you go through that... i don't think we should be friends anymore.".
"friends" slowly (quickly) losing interest
i know they think i'm annoying
they don't have to pretend to like me anymore
i may be neurodivergent
but i'm not stupid

i want to live
not just survive

i don't hate you
i just sometimes wish
that we never met

How many times have I said
"I'm fine"
"I'm fine"
I'm fine"
When I am not okay
How many times have I said
"In time"
"In time"
"In time"
The feeling will go away
The felling of fear, the feeling of failure
The feeling of being lost
Can maybe be healed...
But at what cost?
I'll lose my friends, my reputation,
I'll be all alone
Just because I can't do this on my own
Over time, nothing has changed
I still say
"I'm fine"
"I'm fine"
I'm fine"
When I am not okay

Swirl around the memories
Dance along
A beautiful place
A beautiful song
Hope gracefully leaps through the air
Golden memories of people that actually care
A final happy poem
Maybe the last one I write
Hopefully not...
I love my life
I know I won't be saying that tomorrow...

The worst thing in the world
Is the days where you feel like nothing matters
The days where no matter what
You can't enjoy what you usually do
The days where you feel nothing
And everything
All at once
Like styrofoam covered in gray and blue
The days where the sun is out
But you feel the rain drops hitting your sleeve.
The days where you scrape and stab at your skin just to feel something.
To feel anything.
Or nothing.
...

you want to know what it's like inside my brain?
it's like burning in hell but with 10x the pain.
it's like swimming in a pool with nowhere to breathe
it's like all the cuts on my arm,
covered by a sleeve.
it's like being trapped in a closet
with no way out
it's like being deathly thirsty
but you're stuck in a drought.
it's like being in an escape room
with a forever stuck lock
it's like sitting in an empty room
waiting for a knock.
now you know what it's like inside my head
so now you know why i want to be dead~

Morning of election results
Mourning of election results
A dream of freedom lost on the air.
A hope for a president who will actually care.

Danger is coming

so many times
i thought i was happy
turns out
it's just when you weren't around

i'm worried
because my best friend keeps trying
trying to **** herself
and i don't know what i'll do
if one more ******* awful thing happens in my life
maybe she and i will meet each other in another life
i don't know
i was never religious
so maybe we'll just be alone
unconcious
forever
i hope she knows i'm worried about her

hard
to talk
about

yet
hard
to avoid

haha
that's me

everybody
hates him
nobody cares

everybody
wants to
shove him down the stairs

haha.
that's me.