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223 · Feb 2018
Self Control
Im sorry Feb 2018
I knew from that first glance,
That you would mean something to me.

I didn’t know,
Much less expect,
To love deeply and rawly as I do,
But you always surprise me.

I surprise myself as well,
In the patience I have with you,
In the way that I am capable of this,
In how I could treasure something,
That without I would have no meaning.

You are everything to me.
Everything I want,
But so much more I never knew I needed.

I still don’t fully comprehend,
How one person could develop such intense emotion for another being,
How everything around you shifts,
But in the way like puzzle pieces,
Situating itself perfectly in place.

You manage to deal with me,
But wonder my calm demeanor towards you.
You are my tranquility,
Around you my anger, frustration, pain, and loathing,
Just pours out of my being,
Spilling what I could once never release.

You are the embodiment of perfection,
The model of magnificence
The sample of allure,
Yet you deny your paragon.

Above everything else,
The one I am the utmost grateful for,
You are mine.
155 · Feb 2018
Fault
Im sorry Feb 2018
It’s not my fault,
Yet I am still the one to apologize.

You convince me,
That I am the one to blame.

You torture me,
As though I am your slave of forced loyalty.
I am your puppet,
You make a mess of the strings,
Then just clip them because you don’t care to untangle the mess you have made.

You say you are standing in my corner,
Yet you are my opponent.

You are the death of me,
But the blood is not on my hands,
It is not my fault.
133 · Feb 2018
My Personal Lantern
Im sorry Feb 2018
His eyes,
Oh his beautiful deep brown eyes.
The color of darkness,
In them I saw light.
They glistened when he glanced at me.
They danced harmoniously with mine as if it was a choreographed predisposition.
In my own darkness,
No longer was there light.
But there he was,
With his eyes as the sign,
Waving a lantern.
131 · Feb 2018
Warmth
Im sorry Feb 2018
I once held you in my arms,
I could feel your heart’s beautiful breathtaking rhythm.
I could feel your warm aura surrounding me,
It was comforting, like a baby’s blanket.

Things are so different,
We don’t speak,
We bicker.
We don’t see each other,
We just pass one another by.
We don’t know,
We’re confused with our heads.

So much has changed.
I miss your touch,
All I am left with is a shallow memory of your warmth.
My cold body that embraced you so welcomingly,
now shutters in your presence.

I once was held in your arms,
I could feel your stunning eyes piercing my very being.
I could feel your warm body wrapped around me,
It was comforting, as it was where I was supposed to be.
Im sorry Feb 2018
Convince my swollen eyes, inflamed, burning
That you were not the one to behold blame,
For the way my stomach is now churning,
Or how you hold to your family name.

You try without effort to rebuild this,
The masterpiece that could have been composed,
Was thrown to an oceanic abyss,
You left me beaten, lifeless, and exposed.

I once had hope that things would ever change,
It has been years and you still just go on.
I am left so confused, this is quite strange,
You lied, but I was fooled, what a con.

I am only left with one question, how?
But you do not regard me anyhow.
125 · Feb 2018
No Take Backs
Im sorry Feb 2018
With every last heart beat,
That I never truly wanted,
Your blood runs through my veins.

Take it back.
Take back every last drop,
That I never truly wanted.

I don’t want any trace,
Of the “father”,
That I never truly wanted.
119 · Feb 2018
My Shadow
Im sorry Feb 2018
There is a shadow that follows me. Shine a light on it... but the light, no matter it’s seemingly glorious luminosity, must extinguish, and it comes back, like a fatal tumor thought to have been successfully removed.
At night, it engulfs me. At night, I lay alone, paralyzed. At night, I allow its joyous pain to breeze over me, leaving me numb and stripped of my senses. The night I dread, I fear, I loathe.
There is now no escape- here I lay- but far gone... I am. I am it’s prisoner of war, taken hostage, and it’s time to return to my obligations. I must feed what has no mouth.
This demon of depth and death, shrieks in my ears making the blood that was once contained to my cold deadened heart now drip down my body.  It laughs at me, mocking my tears with its shrill cackling. The shackles placed upon me as if I’m it’s puppet rattle at my attempts of escape, but only grind the skin now gone and allow only my life to spill to the floor.
I am slowly slipping away from reality, there is now no light, the dark is all I know, and nobody notices.
119 · Feb 2018
Purity
Im sorry Feb 2018
I am a white rose,
I have flaws, thorns that people consistently complain and whine when pricked with, when they were the ones to interject on my isolation.
They slash my stem, to only give me away to another.
They put me on display, only to watch me suffer.
They are only upset when I die, as they did not cherish me in my times of hollow life.
They pull off my petals, painfully, one at a time.
They throw my corpse to the dirt and fragments of my body tossed in the air in celebration as if unable to endure me intact.
I am the flora of love, yet I am represented in the ceremony of the fellow dead, but of the species that maimed me.
I am the symbol of purity, yet my veins run dry, and I just blister away.

— The End —