I need a drink
Just one
It won't hurt
It takes everything in me to hold back
I thought i had control
Apparently not
My throat thirst for it
My stomach aches for the sick feeling
Need sleep
Lipuor is the perfect sleep aid
I stand still
And.....
The world is visible
Revealing its ugly side
Did I really relasp
For short term plesure?
I'm guilty
PTSD kicks in
There's no stopping the episodes
Nightmares creep in
Terrified to sleep
Those demons keep pushing the wall
Encouraging me to continue.

Stuck in thought
The doors just won't close
She sits there contemplating
Her life
Just wanting to claw her way out
Of this body

The color red just flashes over
Deeper and deeper
In thought she goes
Feeling down isn't enough

The punishment
Puts her to her knees
Praying to escape
No where to go
But here in this living hell

Her mind
Won't find peace
It won't except
Faith as an answer

She's a lost sole
Wandering this earth
Waiting for the next purpose
In life
Her happiness
Is gone

It hurts so bad
The feeling when your heart skips a beat
The sudden movement of shock
Creeps in to stab you
Over and over

Your heart crumples up so tight
It make you weak
As you're shedding your tears
Gritting your teeth
So you don't scream

The electricity that runs through Your vains
From the lack of breath
Just waiting to explode

It hurts so bad
It's uncontrollable
Like a baby waiting to be comforted
no one there to soothe the pain
Of heartache that we feel

You could turn a blind eye
The issue will still be there
buried deeper and deeper
Until we expose it again
How do we escape
It hurts so bad

Just smile
When the wind blows
Don't be sad
Just know I'm here
Look to the sky and smile
Something good happens
Don't take it for granted
Be blessed always smile
Tears will fall
Allow them for they carry your pain
Release them
At night just smile
Be thankful for another day
Don't dwell on the negative
For peace is always there
Just accept it
The heart will break
And shatter
But will always repair it self
Just smile

She surrounds herself around people
Hoping they don't notice this pain
She is forced to smile
So they don't ask questions
Her heart is pounding
Her anxiety is testing her
She takes deep breaths
Rubbing her hands together
As they shake
She excuses herself
To a different room
And cries
It never used to be this way
Something in her brain broke
It doesn't allow her to have peace
She fights to hold on
And thinks about something else
Her ears are on low radar
It's as if suddenly she has gone deaf
She is back with the people
With a broken smile this time
They are noticing the difference
And the questions are coming
The panic button is going off
Loud and clear
She has to separate herself
Once again
This battle is a chore
How will she ever win

Her breathing was calm
She just got done meditating
The further she walks
The thoughts start to reappear
It's like a disease that is progressing
Turning into a tumor
Blackening the inside of her mind
The disease is overwhelming her
Forsaking any other thought
Her palms start to itch
As they start to sweat
A form of nervousness
That seemed to have found her
She found the room she was looking for
In the back of her diseased mind
This voice starts to panic
If only she listened to this voice
When will she learn
The door slammed shut behind
Causing her heart to pound
These bright lights shine in the room
She lifts her hands up
To block this bright light from her eyes
An audience is on standby
Each taking a turn
Telling their opinions
Of this person they know nothing about
She can hear them and the non sense
They accuse her of
There is no other doors or windows
To escape this hell
She sits on the ground
Her hands covering her ears
God she is going insane
When will this stop
The Agony and the pain
That judging does to a person
Damages their self worth
Think before u speak