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Oct 2013 · 1.0k
christmas cheer
AJ Oct 2013
everyone's merry, the house is full of christmas cheer
my brother's in the corner, sneaking yet another beer
because it's not easy to get through this holiday
don't take anything too personal, or your self-esteem will pay

everybody's drunk, and nobody's nice
and everybody's turning to their most unhealthy vice
mama's drinking *****, while daddy smokes a joint
and all the men have seemed to reach their boiling point
insults are tossed around like candy
while all the women sit and drink their brandy

to most children, christmas is their single favorite day
but all i want for chistmas is for santa to take me far away
most days of the year, i love our little home
but today i feel like a rat in an observation dome

i guess family gatherings bring out the worst in everyone
some families talk with words, my family talks with guns
there's so much blame and guilt inside our family tree
i hope that all this hate, will never infect me

so for all the kids on christmas, having so much fun
be sure to thank your parents for everything they've done
don't give them too much grief
and remember what i've told you
and feel a little relief,

because you know your parents love you
and they'll never show you hate
make sure to say "i love you too"
so no other little girl
will have to share my fate
Sep 2013 · 959
relapse
AJ Sep 2013
my breathing is shallow
my hands have started to shake
my feet won't stop tapping
my thighs have begun to ache
for the pain they know oh-so well
my body wants for the sweet little lies the blade tells
i know i should want nothing to do with this ****
but like a ****** i'm longing for just one more hit
i'm trembling and screaming and starting to cry
nobody knows just how much i want to die
i'm fighting my body, and my body fights back
and mind is constantly under attack
insecurities slowly eat at my brain
and my anxieties are driving me insane
i don't know what to do, i need to get out
i scream for help, but no one hears me shout
listen to me, please, don't walk away
but like the boy who cried wolf, they don't believe what i say
my thighs are still aching
my feet can't stop tapping
i'm already shaking
and everyone's clapping
they applaud for my pain
my flaws keep them entertained
isn't is neat? isn't it fun?
isn't it great to see a girl holding a gun
to her head and a knife to her thigh?
everyone laughs, while i whisper goodbye
Sep 2013 · 606
monarch
AJ Sep 2013
autumn leaves and a monarch butterfly
if they don't separate, one of them will die
they're beautiful together, but death has beauty too
the butterfly loves fall, the way i loved to fall for you
i'm just a dying butterfly in an autumn bitten tree
the leaves are slowly dying and i will too if i don't leave
because all the praying and the crying has already taken its toll on me
but how am i to leave you when you are so weak
but somehow despite your frailness you keep dragging me down too
if it weren't for your ailment there wouldn't be such a feud
inside my mind, my thoughts are waging war
should i stay or should i go? what's a love struck girl to do?
if i stay, both our lives are lost, but if i go i will lose you
could there ever be a bigger cost? there's just so much to work through
if you really loved me how could you want me to stay?
if you really loved me how could you send me away?
Sep 2013 · 2.8k
bitch
AJ Sep 2013
you say i'm a *****, but you're a misogynist who thinks "*****" is the worst thing you can be
but it's not like you're smart, and you don't have a heart, so drive your *** back to D.C.
the government thinks it's funny, they have all the power and money
ha, honey, let me tell you: your power is nothing, if you don't have that something
that your people are willing to fight for
you kick down the poor
and bully the weak
it's no wonder we hate the words that you speak
and you're not concerned, but the people have learned
we're more clever than you and i think you know it too
and you will  never understand
the courage of a desperate man
so here's to the "*******", the "*******", the "*****"
the homeless, the hungry; who can't stand this country
because of the white men who think they're in charge
well it's time for a change; this needs to end, you must make amends
because the ones you used to spite? well we've got some bite and we're ready to fight
because we're not all men and we're not all white
so clean off your glasses and get off of your *****, boy, are you in for a show
i think you know where this is going; our power is growing
and everyone knows how this ends
the villains will lose and we will pull through
don't underestimate this group of friends
because sure i'm a ***** but i get **** done
**** with me and i'll **** with you
the roles have reversed, turns out there is something worse
now look who's holding the gun
Sep 2013 · 533
saved
AJ Sep 2013
they tell me i'm broken
then don't try to fix me
they tell me i'm dying
then walk away quickly
and what a hard truth it is to find
that mama doesn't love me
and daddy said goodbye
grandma doesn't care
and now i'm going to die
they can't see that i'm drowning
to them i'm already gone
but here i am floundering
i can't carry on
i've lost all sense of hope
i can't live a lie
pills or a rope?
what's the best way to die?
but now you've come along
with those beautiful eyes
your words like a song
you break through my disguise
your hand against mine
gives me a thrill
you make me realize it's not me
that i want to ****
you pick me up
and carry me through
and now there is something that i need to do
do i tell you i love you
and wait for the pain?
or do i keep on pretending
and open my veins?
i need you
i miss you
i'm longing to kiss you
because you said i'm not broken
but you still tried to fix me
you said i'm not dying
and stayed around even though i am sickly
and you say that you love me
and you'll never tell me goodbye
you tell me you care
and you won't let me die
Sep 2013 · 452
you lie to me, i lie to you
AJ Sep 2013
you don't even see me
you look right through
you've made up your mind
about what i'm going to do
i have no choice
you don't hear my voice
you decide it's a lie
and can't hear me cry
there's so many things
that i can't tell you
you ask me to speak
then condemn me when i do
your secretive ways
taught me that lying pays
and i'm learning to deceive
as you're yearning to receive
the secrets that i keep
the lies that i tell
the truth that you seek
and the way that i fell
you don't even care
so leave me alone
i'll whisper a prayer
and dive into the unknown
Sep 2013 · 990
just a phase
AJ Sep 2013
they say this isn't real
and neither are we
but they don't know what i feel
they don't know what i see

this is as real as it gets
and i'll never forget
the way you held my hand
as i held my breath

why wouldn't this be real?
my heart is yours to steal
how much hurt can one girl take?
my heart is yours to break

they say this is a phase
but how could that be
phases are for moons
not for me

why do they care what we do?
this is between me and you
when they locked us in this cage
they filled our tired minds with rage

how could so much love
inspire so much hate?
they shoot us all down
then act like they're the saints

well it's time to rise up
we know what we feel

i wonder how they'll react
when we decide to fight back

so let them try to beat us
with their hate-filled hearts
love always trumps hate
and light overcomes dark

— The End —