How do I start this, in what way can it be written!
My mind is full of words but none worth completen.
When you're near me a feeling of safety sourrounds me,
Appreciated at most I pay with my life's fee.
We come from different worlds as we already know,
But we're getting through the days, the process very slow.
I see that you care for me and more as the days go by,
Dont understand the things you do keep asking myself why!
Have'nt seen any progress in changing with you,
I gave my life a whole different look if only you knew.
Im told i'm an attention *****,
And in reality it's you who wants it more.
Inside myself I feel lost in a world well hidden,
Where any of my life's freedom is forbidden.
As I see you come and go as you please,
Hurting me inside I drop to my knees.
You're secrets and lies have me twisted with hate,
With the future untold I sit back and wait.
Wait for my heart to be broken again,
To learn for myself you don't want to be my friend.
See for myself you're as selfish as I see,
Absorb the truth that you never loved me.
Sacrifice  is done for a loved one like you,
That's what was done on my behalf and hoped you would too.
Your excuses are just an easy way out,
Anyone can change that's true without doubt.
I pray every night as I gaze at the stars in the sky above,
That you open your heart and allow me to fill it with hope, happiness and my love.

If only you could hear yourself,
they say denial is bad for your health.
I'm ****** if I do and ****** if I don't,
you can see for yourself but you wont.
You're well aware of the things you do,
on a  daily basis I'm hurt because of you.
I'm told I embarrass  you as well as disgust and make you sick,
there's much more go ahead and take your pick.
Doing things for you I just don't do,
laundry, trash and the rest must get done by you.
No money in my pocket no place for me to go,
stay inside all day and you still call me a ***.
Bullying me day by day makes my heart numb,
wish you could hear yourself,
cause even you would think you were dumb.
You say I'm a lier and you say things that are not true,
just because you're miserable doesn't mean I have to be too.
You want me to ***** up so bad and I don't understand why,
maybe it's because you've made mistakes and I always catch you in a lie.
You might not admit it because you rarely do,
you haven't changed a bit your still the same you.
No compromising or meeting me halfway,
your so insecure with yourself but it's me that has to pay.
You can right me a letter or tell me the same thing I heard it all before,
Dont think I'm going to listen because I can't stand your b.s anymore.
You want me to talk to you and when I do,
you dont listen because it's not important to you.
I bust my ss to help you at work and what thanks do I get!
One of these days your gonna realize there's things you're gonna regret.
I dont do a **** thing wrong and yet it's me that gets the sht end of the stick,
the way you are with me no wonder i'm always sick.
My patience is wearing thin with you,
to be honest I dont think I even love you.
Your ways of thinking, your ego and your pride,
so worried what others think so many times you've made me cry.
You have no feelings towards me you're always putting me down,
and you wonder to yourself why I wear a frown.
I must get away from you and I must make it quik,
because I can't stand you, you minipulating pr*ck.

I see you making an effort indeed,
I could'nt tell you before but it's you I need.
Some days you make me laugh inside,
Some days our worlds collide.
I try to make thing's right,
I would do anything not to fight.
The things you do I just dont get,
At least for now or not just yet.
You laugh at the wierdest stuff,
You even laugh when times are tuff.
Some how we always find a way,
To come up with the words we want to say.
What is it about you that makes me feel the way I do?
What ever it is make's my heart beat true.
You have my heart that I can't deny,
It's your's always 's till the day I die.

Lord how I wish thing's where different between us,
Every thing we do together end's with a fuss.
Why can't you see the thing's I do,
Are only a mirrored image of you.
I'm blamed for all that goes wrong,
I blame myself for putting up with it for so long.  
When was the last time you said you loved me?
And I don't mean after me; you see.
I can't stand your rule's, your way of thinking or your controlling way's,
But because I love you I've dealt with it for day's.
I can't be myself and I'm dieing inside,
You can't love who I am if I got to hide.
For how long do you expect me to do as told?
How long till you think a break down will unfold?
I'm telling you now and keep this in mind,
I'm unique, special and one of a kind.
I am who I am and will be who i'll be,
Im not making any more changes because im going to be me.

Time and time again just like day by day,
I get your call's but see no face I hope you're doing ok.
So that's a lie might as well be,
25 minute's is'nt long enough for me.  
For you I know you've been stressed with life and all,
And to busy at work to give me a call.
Your hand's are full and you don't want to quit,
But only second's it will take then back to work in a bit.
Maybe I'm selfish and think only of me,
I know there are other's who need you more, now that I see.
Jealous I'll never be, nor careless, thoughless or any of these.
I'll alway's know how much you care,
And when you're ready I'll alway's be there.

As I lay here in my bed,
I do nothing but wonder,wonder about the dead.
Are they with us every day?
Watching us, helping us for I hear that they may.
Does the dead pass through you when you feel a chill?
Or is it the cold breez? How do you know the dead is real?
I should'nt call it dead! Invisable or cant see,
Cause there is a difference between the dead and someone like me.
I believe the dead is real but can't hear or see or even feel.
The dead to me is someone gone bad,
Who's lost their soul's which they've once had.
I don't think it's the dead who watche's us at play,
They don't care enough to go out of their way.
But there is someone with you, giuding you to do right,
Stand's by your side all through the night.
Dead they are not, for they have a heart,
The world we live in they were once part.
They can feel, touch, move and even see,
And deep in my heart I feel someone with me.
The look of an innocent child and wing's of a white dove,
I believe they were sent from the heaven's above.
Angel's I call them, watching over us all.
Good and even the bad the great and the small.
Your guardian's alway's till the time comes,
When your body is weak and finally it numbths.
But don't be afraid there's nothing to fear,
Because a happier life and your angel are right hear.

Curious he thought to be, But all
the distractions kept him busy,
Curious questions in his head,
"Whats A Wee Man?" Its you I said!
Repeating questions a Wee Man
does, unable to listen just because.
So wonderous he may look, But deep
within he brain is cooked. The Wee
Man shall remain
forever curiuos, cause his ways of
not listening are so mysterious.

Taken back to my earlier age's around 4 or 5 year's old,
Craving the air breath by breath, my blanky  I can no longer hold.
Laugh's and giggle's was my brother's and I,
We had so much fun together, who would think today I will die.
It seemed my life flashed before me and all went slow-mo,
Darkness grabbed ahold of me and wouldn't t let me go.
Fighting against fear I tried not being afraid,
As young as I was I knew I should pray.
The frantic noise began to drown out,
My vision no longer as was.
My body so exhausted my memory's   began to fuzz.
The fear inside me vanished suddenly without weigh,
I knew immediately  god was there beside me to test my fate.
With every breath taken the more my world fainted away,
My brother's frantic voice's, "Don't go, don't leave, please stay".
I felt my tear's roll down my cheek,  
I smiled to my sibling's then closed my eye's.
At peace on earth where I lie, I stretch my wing's and fly up high,
Up to the heaven's gate's in the sky.

Dear lord what am I to do?
I love him and at the same time I hate him too.
He's so selfish, arrogant and gosh what an a**,
I've known for awhile this relationship would'nt last.
I've been thinking this for way too long,
Why am I still here? To see what else can go wrong!
I know I deserve better than this,
I do what I can for him and still I get dissed.
Lord I dont know what else to do,
You have made it clear to me the last time I asked you.

I might be an addict, addicted to thing's,
I'll take what is given I'll take what I can,
I'll take all you got I don't give a d*mn.
I need it I want it I have to have more,
What little I get is'nt enough any more.
You're always to busy and on the go,
Just a little more that's it I know.
I get butterflie's in my gut when I know you're here,
The thought of not getting any draw's in the fear.
A little attention a hug a kiss,
Only a moment it take's,
Work wont be missed.
I'm addicted to affection and love and you,
When I dont get it I get sick too.
I know and you know you don't give me what I need,
Even if I sit all day and pleed.
You deny me what is needed by all,
You keep me hidden behind this lonely wall.
I'm addicted to you so I pray to above,
That the lord grant's this addict your everlasting love.

As I sit alone in our bedroom I wonder to myself
what went wrong between us.
You know as well as I that we had more than enough time,  
Are you sure your in love with me and you're not  mistaken this for lust?
I think you have been fooled by your own way's , If you dont listen to your heart then you're being betrayed.
Love is wonderful, magical and can even give you a scare, So far for me it's been a hassel I know we're not the perfect pair.
Still I'm here with you because it's where I want to be, Not sure why with all the hurtful things you do to me.
It's because my heart know's that I will forgive all you do, My heart wont let me move on it's telling me I Love You.

Think of what not
but to not want.

When i was little i remember things that no longer are,
Like seeing the sky full of endless stars.
I remember watching the giant birds flying free,
Their home no more was the river of Sespe.
My mind goes back to when the waters ran wild,
Pushing and pulling me when i was a child.
I saw clouds puffier than a giants cottontail,
The fillmore train riding its rail.
I rode without seat belts and ate all on my plate,
Life when i was a little was nothing but great.
My toys made of matel and i played in the dirt,
I made mud pies and stained my shirt.
Telivision was black and white
and there was no remote control,
Back when the firplace had to be cleaned of its coal.
There was no internet, cellphones or xbox,
We had a desease called chickenpox.
I remember fruit trees for miles i would see,
Everything when i was little is worth remembering.
Now that im all grown nothing  is  the same,
Its scares me to think what the world has became.
Surrounded by lights now the stars cant shine through,
And the California Condor is gone now too.
The rivers once full are now dessert dry,
The clouds are man made and i ask why?
The train still on track it drives the same rail,
Seat belts a must or you go to jail.
Electronics are what kids play these days,
In fact  kids are impossible to raise.
I remember when i was little and wishing to be just that,
No other place in life i would rather be at.

All i know is,
Everything i live,
Is or was and can be,
Just a figment in anothers imagination

I think i'm tired i'm not for sure,
Got that restlessnes feeling, wonder what for.
Bothering thought's fill my head,
Behind bars for the holiday's should be with my kid's instead.
I made a mess of thing's, and only I am to blame,
Disapointed my baby's and feel ashamed.
Still I continue doing what's done,
Can't stop myself I enjoy the fun.
Time away and that's what I got,
To work on myself and fix what I got.
I need to clean up and change my way's,
That will be worked on for 210 day's.
I love my children with all my heart,
I could'nt imagine if some day they were to start.
I can't say for sure that any of this will be done,
I can only do my best not to have none.

You are the 1 that hurts me the most,  
and here i will tell you why.
Broken promises, accusations and lies,
dont matter what I do no matter how hard 1 tries.
No communication nothing 2 discuss,  
We are heading no where there really is no us.
I'm exspected from way 2 much, with all your silly things and such.
I feel so distant from you attraction and all, your assumptions are hurtful so I put up a wall.
I don't want 2 think the thoughts I have it's a daily battle, look's like our relationship isn't worth the battle.
No longer do i feel the love i had before, you've pained my heart many times can't do it any more.
I used 2 be strong with my heart, but the way you are with me you tore all apart.
Unique, fun loving, big hearted and so much more, but you want let be those things im wondering what for.
Nothing I do is good enough 4 you so why won't you set me free? We are both unhappy in life why won't you see.
I won't change the person I am, will not can not change i will never do, and if you can't accept that then I feel sorry 4 you.

Today is a step closer to what will be,
What that is at this momment I can not see.
To be stuck in a place I so much hate,
Freedom to few and others to late.
I dont question myself on why I come back,
Its decisions made and the good ones I've lacked.
You'd think i've learned not what to do,
I have only myself to blame,"thats who".
The crying the hurting the pain inside,
It's time to be honest my lifes been a lie.
I want to do right and do whats best,
Put my past behind me and leave it to rest.
Day by day thats getting done,
And closer I'll be to my daughter and son.

Just for today wake with a smile, & your
thanks will be acknowlegded.
Just for today share a dream with a loved
one, & they will be known.
Just for today be kind, & thy heart will
heal others.
Just for today listen with your eyes, &
wisdom will be learned.
Just for today accept the accepting, &
thy will be welcomed.
Just for today follow your soul, & thy
will be rewarded.
Just or today bless thy life, & thy end
shall be unforgettable.

Made in 97 and has'nt gone to far,
She became my best friend, Odd for a car.
Alway's loved when we went out,
Driving up and down of any rout.
She would be there when I needed to go,
Just stop for gas and go with the flow.
Quicker than other's on any ordinary day,
Just wanted to show me she's here to stay.
Black and beautiful and not to big,
She never complained when I lite up a cigg.
I know she never smoked but she was thirsty a lot,
She would guzzle up all the gas that I bought.
She loved my dog's, took ride's with them too,
Till on her one day my dog Brutus spewed.
Fun and freedom that's all I had,
But then some mean man made me sad.
He hurt my buddy in the worst way,
Left her paralized in the month of may.
This man named Yazbek he denies all,
She was hit by a car and it was your's I saw.
Her face was crushed, she did'nt pull through,
Saying goodby to a special friend I once knew.
She gone forever waiting on that list,
While I am still standing here, very pssd.
A friend she was with a big heart,
I'm not so dear, I sold her body part's.
I'll find a new friend, I'm sure we will have fun,
It will never be the same as that one.
You were my first, I'll never forget,
Took you home right after we met.
Everyone liked you especially me,
I got you going with the turn of a key.
You would light up inside and on the road you would glide.
You did your job that's all I know,
Wish you did'nt have to take that tow.
Later day's my black friend,
Damage to your front we could'nt mend.

My name is Hope and im a person of heart,
I hurt for families whos lost their son or daughter at war,  
the world we live in they are no longer part.
I hurt for those who have nothing, not a thing at all.
I cry for the little girl whos lost her olny doll.
To watch other lives crumble right before your eyes,
It hurts me to think of it but its happening worldwide.
Wish I where a SUPER HERO, Like the ones in a comic book,  
Id give back every thing that was taken Id return what life took.
I will try to do more good than bad, and hope that I succeed.
Maybe those who watch will learn and soon follow my lead.
If your reading my peom right now keep this in mind,  
Every little thing matters, and we must teach the younger generation
how not to hate but to love and be kind.

We're like two idiot's trying to make thing's right,
There's not a day that we dont fight.
Not happy with what we got,
Accept each other as is, "It's just a thought".
You say I say, It's both of us every day.
We come from different world's as we both know,
And with both of us so stubborn, I should just go.
The way I feel I can guarentee,
You don't feel the same for me.
This is a love hate relationship, That part I get,
You with me or me with you I just don't see fit.
I feel I have done my part and change's have been done,
But on your part I have'nt seen none.
You're probably thinking this is not right,
Please tell me, text me, asap by the end of the night.
I'm going to do my best and watch the word's I say,
And keep tabs on myself day by day.
I want this to work and I know why,
I would say I did'nt love you but that would be a lie.
Now I'm putting all I've got into us two,
Going to pretend this relationship is brand new.
What you do is up to you.

I wake once more to find myself alone again, Nobody to talk too don't know who's my friend. Such a sad story my life sound's to me, Stuck in depression why wont people let me be? Feeling's of fear for what I may do, I'm wasting away if only you knew. Happy thought's I no longer process, Can't even function my head's such a mess. My spirit has drifted my heart is numb, I feel so helpless I feel so dumb. My goal's my life my future you see, They all seem so pointless too me. To stop the pain is to **** me too, Guess it's time my time is due.

You say you love me and you say its true! I say it back, "I love you too". Do you mean it from your heart? Or if at all did you begin to start? Am I thought about as much as you say? Morning till night of every day. When your away from me I lose my mind, What matters most gets put behind. I go my limits just for you. Your always before my most important few. I cant be there only when you say! I want to be with you to share upcoming days. Name calling and put downs hurt more than you know, As hard as it is I try not to show. I know I mess up a lot, and apologize soon after. Even on your worst days I try to get laughter. Never with you do I want to fight, I'll say my sorries and try to make things right. Respect me as I do you, For a relationship to work it takes two.

You are a pain in my ****, You are the **** of my pain, And I'm the one who cause's your migraine's. Such difference's between us two, From the start it was an issue. But we get through it however we do, Three year's together our love must be true. So today I ask you love of mine, Will you be my Valentine?