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Jan 2019 · 110
Barbie
Hope Jan 2019
Fake yet pretty
Skinny but anorexic
Killer body sore ribs

Ribs sticking out
Cheek bones only hidden by skin
Spine so visible

Visible like the pain from your past
Visible like the the sadness locked inside your eyes
You run hoping for an escape
Nothing but ropes hang
Telling you this is the way out
This is everything your heart hopes and dreams of
Take this easy exit

Exit life
Leave everything and everyone
Let it all go and put the rope around your neck
Say your goodbyes while it gets ready to **** you
Look at the waste looking in the mirror

Mirrors show your pain
The person looking back at you
The one who holds no emotion
The one who isn't living

Live life as a trapped soul
No longer whats real or fake
No longer aware of what is yet to come
What awaits your arrival

Arrival to a dark place
So deep inside your mind
Closing yourself off
Shutting down completely
No longer being able to come to reality

Reality, a place you no longer know
What is real, what is fake?
What haunts the dreams you once cherished

Cherished veins filled with the lady
The lady makes everything okay
Maybe the needle with help me later

Later the clock will strike nine
They'll rush home
Maybe find me?
Swinging back and forth with a smile plastered to my face
Maybe happiness will ring through the house
Maybe just maybe
Could we still be free
Will the demons awake

Awake in the dark night
Shivers cover your body
He's here isn't he?
Sweet demon
Take me in
Show me home
Walk me through the gates of hell
Hope Jan 2019
Clouds with meaningless words
Hearts witch stitches and burns
Faces with warn out smiles and glazed over eyes
Arms covered in long sleeves
Voices afraid to be heard
Monsters that can only be found in your head

Living only causes pain
People hurt people
Kids bully others who have less
Words are cruel
Stones make you cry
Life makes you wonder why
Foster homes make you a freak
People learn your secrets
Turn their backs on you
Once your story is out, you're what everyone is laughing at
You're officially a nobody...
Dec 2018 · 128
I'm Replaceable
Hope Dec 2018
His hands are all i remember
His nasty words he spoke
The flashlights shining through the window
My families voice hidden behind the walls of the van
Sobs coming from people I hurt
Rumors of the night before
The girl I knew as my best friend stabbed me in the back
People looked at me as if I was some nasty **
His words cut me deep
His hands punched and slapped
His eyes fell dark with anger

The pain
The anger
The suicidal thoughts
Nothing could ever make me feel alright
A box I'm trapped in
My mind is what tells me all it's wonderful thoughts
Words that people use to cut me deep
The blade does a better job
Hands I wish I could forget
His words and voice haunts me in every way possible
I want to fade
Forget me
I'm replaceable...
Dec 2018 · 129
Nothing Right?
Hope Dec 2018
Feeling of mad Anger
A wrong in what is right
A break in the glass
A blizzard in the middle of summer
Pain and bruises
Words mixed with lies
Heart breaks and empty goodbyes
A smile so fake
A laugh so bold
A cry so silent

Nothing can mask the way that you feel
No mask could cover the hurt in your eyes
No lie could make you feel alright
Pain is all that you've known
Pain has become your only friend
Nothing but suicide crosses your mind
Thoughts of self-harm makes you want to do it more
Thought of you finally falling off the face of the earth is what helps you sleep at night
Pain is all that you hold inside
Nothing but white lies
Nothing but red lines
Nothing but bruises arms
Nothing but black eyes
Nothing but a tear soaked pillow
All it is is nothing, right?
Dec 2018 · 129
Goodbye...
Hope Dec 2018
A place I can call home has disappeared,
Nothing seems right anymore,
I don’t know what caused this blockage in my life,
I don’t know how to react,
I want everything how it was before,
Everything hurts,
When will I ever be able to find a home,
It’s hard to keep my feet moving,
Can’t ever be happy anymore,
Don’t even know how to get of bed and get ready for the day
Can’t find a happy place,
Always stuck in a horror,
I look around me,
Everyone seems so happy, things left on a bad note,
Whereas nothing is fine,
Slowly dying inside,
Just fading,
Depression keeping me in a whirl,
My mind is like a blizzard,
I cannot explain this pain,
Cannot explain the fake “I love yous”,
Cannot explain how messed up I had become,
No one can save me,
There is nothing to save,
The pain only gets worse,
The pain growing only getting worse,
Soon my time will come,
These dreams of being me,
These places causing bad memories,
Seeing you walk with your head held high,
How can you walk like that?
After all the pain that you had cause you still smile,
You burnt a hole in my heart,
Left these marks,
Left this aching pain,
Out of all people why was it you,
All you could throw at me was a sorry,
And I’m out here acting bad and big,
But inside I’m little,
Crying out for help,
I act all tough,
But I’m scared,
Nothing can explain the way that I felt, that I feel,
Fought every ounce to keep the tears in,
Nothing has ever made me feel so dead,
I hide in the dark,
Keeping quiet so the monsters can’t find me,
But they still come,
I wish they’d go away,
Just disappear and make the numb feeling go away
But they won't
They pick at my every thought
I can no longer feel
Breathing becomes and issue
I have nothing left
I'm a dead corpse
Soon the wind will soon creep
Picking me up off the ground
Making me vanish within the night
Dec 2018 · 115
A Baby
Hope Dec 2018
So small so fragile
So cute so warm
Eyes full of life
A soft lullaby of perfect words
A single mother unsure of her decision
A father who doesn't accept his own flesh and blood

Blood of one
Cells from two
A tiny hand who has yet to understand
Abortion or adoption?
Things the mother fears is terribly wrong
Raw element
Such tiny waste
Time has yet to tell which path I must take...
Dec 2018 · 112
Nothing (HURTS)
Hope Dec 2018
The way we break
We crumble with every aching memory
No one sees the pain
No one truly cares do they?
They ask "how are you?" but they don't care about your response
Some days the pain is too much too much to deal with
People cross your path only to leave
You stare into their soul
Seek for help in others
Not to feel but to forget

The hurt you carry with the anger
The pain that never leaves your bed side
Nothing is worth the fight anymore
Nothing can satisfy anymore
Pain just awaits at your door
Doesn't ask to come in, it just does
Nothing is ever the same

We change
We drink
Take drugs
We try to ignore the ache
Everyone believes in your act
After you are only dying inside
So much to do
Little time to feel
No time to ask for help
You just want to be alright
You want to be fine
To make yourself alright
You only feel fine in the dark
No light
No stars
Just you and the demons that haunt and control your mind
Dec 2018 · 117
A Place
Hope Dec 2018
Someone else
New or old
Close or far
Out of sight
Gone with hope
A lost cause
A sense of loneliness
Sense of forgiveness
Sense of pure evil
Lost or found
Together or broke
No one really cares
They’ll find a way to use
Maybe use you
Find a claw sharp enough cut through the mask
Find a place so deep within
A place you’re so scared to know
A place you use to know as home
A place only you have seen
A place that held a gun to your head
Had you beg for forgiveness
A place you no longer know
A place you want to go
A place that no longer wants you
A place that no longer awaits your arrival
Nov 2018 · 119
Actions With Words
Hope Nov 2018
No words
            Just actions
Place your hand on my chest
             My heart only beats for you
Place your lips on mine
             I only want your kiss
Wrap your arms around me
            This is my home
Place your hand in mine
            This is where I belong
Look into my eyes
             Don't you see that I love you?

Lay me down
             Let me be close to you
Let me run my fingers through your hair
              Let me whisper sweet nothings in your ear
Let me hold you as you drift off to sleep
               Let me stay for a while
By your side is where I want to be

Say nothing as I place gentle kisses along your cheek
                 Just show me you want me
Show me you care
                  Show me who you really are
But mostly just let me in
                  I need you....
Nov 2018 · 185
Little One
Hope Nov 2018
A girl so lost, so confused
Sees stars with her little mind
Sings lullabies in her vanilla bubble bath

Stuffies are her friend
Her paci takes away the fear
She's in little space

Come down little one
Be big once again

She's broken without her little space
Feeling small is what cures her emptiness
She copes with her rattle
Mr. Fluffs knows all her secrets

She's little
Maybe too little
But little space is her safe space
Nov 2018 · 230
Pain Meds and Burnt Skin
Hope Nov 2018
Wash away the ache
Help me feel alive again
Make me feel pretty
Help me breathe
Take away the grief
Take away the guilt
One light one burn

Burnt like my skin
Burnt like my pain
Take me away
Help me seek pain
Help me feel okay
Help me find the release

Take away the ease to find the release
Listen to my pain
Take me away
Take me to my grave
Slowly I'll fade
Nov 2018 · 190
Sweet Nicole..
Hope Nov 2018
My angel unborn
Shine bright from heaven baby girl
Here on earth, I'm lost
precious little girl

Warm and sweet you were
Pretty and perfect you are
Stay here with me pretty
Let me come home

Rest angel
Put in the cold ground
Wrapped in pink
So tiny so young

Mommy loves you peaches<3
Nov 2018 · 129
All The Lies
Hope Nov 2018
The words I say are true
The lies I've spilled were meant for pain
The way you called out her name was a cry for pain
Cut her deep
Make her feel weak
Make the blood pour deep within her veins
Cut an X in her heart
No good has She done
Make me sin
Make me a fool
Make me cry
**** my demons tonight

Tower of words
People made of sin
Take me back when good was there
**** the blistering owls
Make them call in fear
Make then soar through the sky in pure pain
Nov 2018 · 118
Passing Light
Hope Nov 2018
Someone passed
Wrap them in a bag
Send them through the door
Send them in a room with teary eyed broken souls

Cut each and everyone deep with words
Silence them with light
Cry with hope
Sing to me a bitter sweet lullaby

Wrap me in Jesus's arms
Let him take me home
Show me the light at the gate
Show me my child
Send her in my arms

Sweet Nicole she cries
Small baby girl
Her beautiful angel
Her ray of light that gave her hope in the dark

Her angle in the passing light
Nov 2018 · 110
Passing Light
Hope Nov 2018
Someone passed
Wrap them in a bag
Send them through the door
Send them in a room with teary eyed broken souls

Cut each and everyone deep with words
Silence them with light
Cry with hope
Sing to me a bitter sweet lullaby

Wrap me in Jesus's arms
Let him take me home
Show me the light at the gate
Show me my child
Send her in my arms

Sweet Nicole she cries
Small baby girl
Her beautiful angel eyes
Her ray of light that gave her hope in the dark

Her angle in the passing light
Her angel hidden in plain sight
Nov 2018 · 132
The Lady in My Veins
Hope Nov 2018
With the lady in my veins I'm feeling kinda strange
Falling in and out of consciousness
Think the lady wants my brain

My brain is a blob of mush
Nothing but the lady in my brain
To make me go insane

Insane like a bunny in a cage
Insane like my brain
But the lady keeps me sane
Makes my head twirl
sets me in a whirl

My hands shake
Ears ring
Clocks tick tick ticking
Body rocking back and forth
Soon needing another fix

Another fix
Another useless vein
Another drop and I'll be fine

Another sip of liquor
Help me forget
Let the day slip away

Away in another ambulance
Away to another rehab
A place that keeps me real
Out of sight

Out of light

Away from hope



Needing the lady in my vein

To rock me forth and back

To make the clock keep tick tick ticking

To make me pace back and forth

To lay numb on the floor



The floor wrapping around me

Sinking into the stale carpet

Vials of the lady surrounding me

keeping me happy



Nothing like this can be forgotten

The relief I feel when

the rush hits my veins

The need for the lady in my veins

To sweep me off my feet

— The End —