I'm tired.
I can't sleep.
The room echoes.
Screaming your absence.
It shrieks at me.
My eyes are heavy.
But I cannot sleep.
I think of everything at once.
I think of you in here.
Then you're gone.
So close, but so far.
Within arms reach.
Just like you said.
I need another drink.
And hit of smoke.
Then I can sleep.

Everything is fine.
Everything is always fine.
I can ignore this sinking feeling
Until I don't care.
I want too many things..
Things not mine to have.
I'm sad and I'm alone with these thoughts,
Who can I honestly tell?
Too many people to hurt.
So I cry in my dreams,
With only scratches left to show any emotion.
Everything will stay fine.

I can hear her calling me
Home to our trees
They sing in native tongue
I hear their voices
The moon betrays me to my other half
Calling my true nature forth
I miss my home
Where i began
I miss my other nature
My mirrored half
I know i ran
But the real trees call me home
I can feel their grasp
Their traces on my soul, my heart
My circle calls to me
In borrowed time
I miss my real trees

I can't do what you ask.
I love you,
But I can't.
You need distance,
To heal all that is broken.
I can't talk, let you know what I think,
How I feel.
I can't be in your head.
I can't worry and wait.
I wish I could.
I'm so sorry I  can't.
I told you it was easy to never be happy.
I can't miss what I don't know.
But I was wrong.
I can search for that happiness.
I know it exists.
I can survive on that.
I can live again.
I can make it there.
I'm numb.
I'm ashamed.
But I can't survive until I **** the hole.
Don't be angry.
Don't think you failed.
I'm not going back to pills and *****.
Just two days.
So I can breathe again.
I'm sorry I failed you in the end.
I wish so much I could.
To be near you.
A blessing and a curse.
But I can't.
I love you.
So please don't be disappointed in me.
Understand that I'm incapable of distant but friends.
It is a war every moment to talk, to explain.
I read patterns of people based on conversation.
I see risk with every word.
So I can't.
I love you.
Two days and I can survive.
But I'll live again.
I'll get ahold of you then.
Numb.
Clean break.
I'll make it.

What do I say when the whole world is floating away from me?
How do I tell you I'm dying a piece at a time?
Everything hurts and casts shadows across my heart,
But I keep a smile on my face.
I can't find a way to tell you I cry myself to sleep
And wake up exhausted from the nightmares.
So I smile.

I keep seeing you in my dreams
Awake and asleep..
I hear you call to me.

These feelings are untested and new
What do I do?
I know I need you.

I want to run as far as I can
But I still stand..
Why? I know better than to trust a man..

But you're special to me
With you I can finally breathe
I'm no longer missing a piece..

I just want to sleep.
A long nap through the pain.
I just want it to stop.
The tears and the anger,
They're overwhelming.
I can't do it.
I need to sleep.

Once upon a time..
That's how fairy tales start...
I don't believe in fairy tales.
I don't believe in much.
But I believed in this...
In all of us..
I never should have.
I feared myself and now look..
I'm exaxtly what I never wanted.
Exactly what she doesn't want.
Fairy tales taught us lessons,
Showed us what to avoid.  
What to run from.
We'll see where this takes me,
But it's another fairy tale.
I don't believe in fairy tales.

I'm tired.
Tired of the pain.
Pain I just can't control.
Control is slipping from my grasp.
Heading for air, for love.
Love abandoning me.

I want to run to the mountains
I want to feel wild and free
The walls and ceilings around me
They're a cage I can't escape..
I'm not supposed to want to escape..
But I want to run
To the creek and trees and stones
To the animals and land
I miss the empty mornings
Calm waters and quiet musings
Sun made tea and small snacks
No voices no questions
No answers
The mountains are calling
Tempting me
I want to run

Last night I told you I was torn
I told you I was confused
That what happens happens and I'd survive

Last night you told me that was okay
You told me it'd work itself out
That you were good at making people think things were their idea

Last night I let myself be happy
I let myself believe
Last night you cracked a wall I've always had and now I'm breaking

I'm covered in scars and stories,
Some good some bad all mine.
I don't know where I'm headed
But I know what I leave behind.
I'm sorry for the pain.
I'm sorry for the angery screams.
I'm not sorry I left.
I need to know what life means.