he cries when she stood before him, breaking his heart,
he cries when she says she hated him from the start.
he cries when she tries to leave,
he cries when she threw her engagement ring in the grass and leaves.
he cries when he stared her in the eyes,
he cries when she said that everything was lies.
he cries when she made him crawl in the grass to look for the ring,
he cries when he hears her softly and happily sing.
he cries when she stared at him with no emotion,
he cries when he looks for the ring with a lot of devotion.
he cries when he brings forth the ring only to be rejected,
he cries when she seems to be unaffected.
he cries when she tells him a story,
he cries when he says im sorry.
he cries, she remembers,
he cries, she dismembers.
she cries, everything she held in for years leaking out,
she cries from her heart, everything pouring out.
she cries when she remembers the time he pushed her away,
she cries when promises are made but never get fulfilled the next day.
she cries when she remembers when he doesnt talk to her,
she cries when she remembers when he did nothing when the bullys bullied her.
she cries when he would abandon her for others,
she cries when she remembers plans getting cancelled for one reason or another.
she cries when he used to toy with her emotions,
she cries when she remember all those tears she shed in every pillow and couch cushion.
she cries when they had all those fights,
she cried when her heart died.
she cried when he smiled,
now he cries when she insanely smiled.
he cries when she reached out to him,
he cries when she forgave him.
he cries when she kissed him with no thought whatsoever,
he cries when he realizes that he's her slave forever.

Yet again, I wait here for you.
yet again, I silently mourn over you.
yet again, I lay with my eyes close, hoping for a miracle.
Yet again, we hit another obstacle.
yet again, I cry till I can't see anymore.
yet again, I take you back once more.
yet again, I wonder if you're cheating on me,
yet again, we repeat the same history.
yet again, i run from the truth,
Yet again, it was you who was rude.
yet again, I tried to hide,
yet again, we promised and said we tried.
yet again, we fought and argued with each other,
yet again, we stayed together.

go ahead and hide from me,
go ahead and leave.
go ahead and run from me,
a coward is the only thing i see.
go ahead and call me names,
there is nothing that we can change.
go ahead and call me a child,
for i am not the one who acts wild.
go ahead and try to control my life,
im done with being treated like a petty housewife.
go ahead and beg me to stay,
i will still run away.
go ahead and try to convince me to change my mind,
im done with being left behind.
go ahead and tell me all those sweet lies,
i love the sound of your cries.
go ahead and tell me that i mean a lot to you,
i dont want be with you.
go ahead and tell me im your family,
i still remember you left me when i needed you daily.
go ahead and hide you coward,
i will keep going forward.
go ahead,
my feelings for you are dead

my eyes are blurred,
they cant see the way they used to.
my eyes are scarred,
they've seen things they wish to undo.

they hold within them sadness,
always guarded.
they hold happiness,
always gleaming and warm-hearted.
they hold loneliness,
unsure if anyone will ever understand.
they hold acceptance,
always welcoming with a helping hand.

they radiate a careful disguise,
scared to let anyone see what lies within.
they radiate a overwhelming pride,
never giving up until they overcome the obstacles and win.
they radiate a fiery anger,
uncontrolled and suffocating.
they radiate a shy demeanor,
so timid and frustrating.

they hold a love,
they hold a wall.
they hold emotions so hard to speak of,
they hold a blank expression or nothing at all.
they see,
they radiate.
they sing,
they interrogate.
they're my eyes,
different, young, immature, and wise.

I'm that girl no one loves,
The one who's head is in the clouds.
I'm the girl who people talk to when they need help,
The one they spill all that they have felt.
I'm the girl who people can spill secrets to,
The one who really cares about you.
I'm the girl who sits there with them as they cry,
The one who hears all their problems in life.
I'm the girl who gives them hope,
The one who cheers them up with a joke.
I'm the girl they mistake as strong,
The one that will help people along.
I'm the girl who they never noticed,
The one who's sacrificed.
I'm the girl who gets ignored,
The one who people leave after they get bored.
I'm the girl who's never been noticed by anyone,
The one people abandon when they're done.
I'm the girl who's tears are never noticed,
The one who's happy personality is completely bogus.
I'm the girl who always feels ugly,
The one who wants to die because of the disgusting feelings.
I'm the one who gets rejected by others,
The one who will protect you fiercely like a mother.
I'm the girl who's not even considered a girl by people,
I'm the one who's considered an outcast and a witch to them all.
I'm the girl who is here to the end,
The one who's just a friend.

Whenever it's comes down to a decision that affects others,
Think about it.
If you're going to do anything that will hurt others,
Ask if it's worth it.
Because in the end,
You're the one in charge of your life.
You define who you are, regardless of others and friends,
You have only one life.
So when you decide to hurt that person,
You better be sure it was worth it.
They are just like you, breathing and filled with purpose.
When you hurt them, have no regrets.
Because if a decision was worth it,
You wouldn't back down.
You would fight for it,
Even when you're on the ground.
Don't be a coward,
Face all your consequences with no fear.
That decision that was worth it should have been done regardless of rewards,
It's your life that you chose to stir.
Don't cry for what you've done,
Stand up and take it all.
Get up from the ground,
Don't stall.
If an action is worth it, don't regret,
Face all the consequences willingly.
You can't run from it,
No one said that life was easy.
Actions define who you are,
So stop blaming others, stop feeling pity for yourself.
Life is hard,
It's your happiness, not someone else's.
Don't live in regret,
It was your actions so face it.

We truly weren't born with a destiny. We just exist to live, breed and then die. It's a sad truth but it is the law of the world. However, humans such as you and I are created so different from other species. We wonder why. Why do we exist? Why do we feel? Why do we do whatever we do? Psychology, religion and science all try to answer this question yet you still wonder. We all face this. We're naturally curious creatures. We develop different mind sets and different adaptations to certain situations that are dependent on our environment. We have close minded people and open minded people. We have people who are always in the clouds and down to earth people. Different ideologies and different reactions. So why are we here? We seem to destroy the earth like locusts to crops. We seem to help it as well. Violence is nature's natural cure for the elimination of the population of species. We commit these when we poach animals and breed them to be a certain way and sell them. We also commit these when we harm environments to suit our human needs for grandeur and comfort. We even commit these acts of violence when we **** someone, hurt them or far worse. The weak will die while the strong lives yet the weak can also become strong. We see survivors from life threatening diseases. We even have humans save others. We want comfort, security, and to live. We cause silly things to happen. we destroy ourselves and others around us. We want to be noticed and to be seen. We want others love. We want to be free and see what life offers. So why are we here? The answer is the most simple of all. We simply are here to exist and live.

my love, listen to me,
can you hear my silent agony?
my heart and soul, listen to it,
can you hear my very world go down to ****?
my soulmate, listen to it hard,
cant you hear my heart breaking into shards?
my companion, listen to the sound of my voice,
cant you hear the chaotic noise?
my lover, listen to my heart,
can you hear the choking back of tears?
my dear, listen to it beat,
can you hear the endurance it takes to stand back on my own feet?
my sweet, listen to it,
can you hear the abyss-like pit within it?
mi amor, listen to me,
can you hear the passing of time around me?
my honey, listen to my mind,
can you hear the answer that i can never seem to find?
my pumpkin, listen to that sound,
can you hear the solution i have found?
my biscuit, listen to me,
can you hear the sound of me leaving?
love, listen,
this is the end.

originality is something we all have the ability to possess,
a concept that is sometimes difficult to assess.
yet originality is a crime,
people push it away time after time after time.
people fear the unknown,
it weighs on them like a stone.
its also a drug,
we all wish for its unexpected warm hug.
we wish for it,
crave it.
we all want something new,
something out of the blue.
people shoot it down,
upset that they couldnt come up with something profound.
it dies every year, slowly becoming extinct,
all because most people refuse to think.
forget about everyone else,
think for yourself.
if people continued to follow other people,
we wouldnt have these amazing people.
everyone would be in the same dirt, same predicament,
the same trap, the same extinction.
think and unleash originality,
and push away the pressures of reality.

when youre alone, you reflect on things that you usually never think about.
when you're alone, you just want to get out.
when you're alone, you become crazy, doing crazy stuff.
when you're alone, you wipe away the makeup.
When you're alone, you see the hardships written all over your face.
when youre alone, you cry about being a disgrace.
when you're alone, you smile and fantasize about the happiness in your life.
when you're alone, you unintentionally stare at the razor sharp knife.
when you're alone, you smile and cry.
when you're alone, you wish that either you or someone else would just simply die.
the only problem is that when you're alone,
you're not really alone.
im always there with you,
watching you....

life is fickle,
life is difficult.
life is sweet and moody,
life is dark and broody.
we question things and people,
from the small child to the old and feeble.
so many questions that we still cant grasp,
from the real boring to the shocking truths that makes us gasp.
sometimes we are the ones who create these questions,
sometimes its another person.
life is already difficult as it is,
everyone knows this.
yet its our job as human beings to help the others out,
and not make them scream and shout.
however we feast on sadness and enjoy the hot taster of anger,
we yearn for thrills and danger.
we have monsters in the world waiting for us,
we can even find those monsters within us.
everyone yearns for release, a way out of life and its horrors,
we even get pushed to our breaking points and borders.
yet if we let those monsters win,
whats the point of living?
there will always be monsters,
but if we let them win, will we become a lost soul or a monster?

Ringing,
Why is it ringing?
Why is it that all I hear is ringing?
Why couldn't it be singing?
Why couldn't I hear the smooth jazz or the weeping lullaby of songs?
Why couldn't it be the sweet nightmares of songs that have been sung?
Ringing,
Why is it ringing?
Why couldn't it be you?
Where did you go suddenly and out of the blue?
Why couldn't it be you who is with me?
Instead all I hear is this ringing.
Ringing,
Why is it ringing?

I can feel the fear inside me consume me,
Taking away all that i could be.
I can feel my heart pulse,
All good feelings come to a halt.
I can feel my breathing become unsteady,
My lungs feel so heavy.
Panic, fear, and fright,
All swarm and conquer day and night.
How i wish i didnt feel this way,
How i wish it would go away.
I clutch the blankets as i try to steady myself,
Trying to be my old self.
Im not strong enough,
Its never enough.
Im losing sight of my happiness,
I can feel my body wear away from stress.
Its wears you away,
How i hope i feel better one day.
Why cant it leave?
Why does this happen to me?
Fear of people and i cant seem to trust,
I feel it tarnishing me like rust.
Im fading,
Im failing.
So much emotions,
And i dont know any of them.
Why am i this way?
What are they?

Shadows of the past haunt me,
Consume me.
Your words killing me,
Oh so **** softly.
I lay upon the ***** floor and let you take my soul,
Within my heart, you created a dark hole.
I held onto myself and cried,
These years, I've watched myself die.
The pain that followed me everywhere,
I couldn't find you anywhere.
You had abandoned me,
You had left when I needed you mostly.
I cried as I held onto the remains of our memories,
It was always the same story.
I let you control me,
Hurt me and twist me.
I let you violate the purity of my soul and body,
I even abandoned everybody.
The torture and regrets of the past come back and **** me,
Oh how I wished to be free.
My once strong will now begins to falter and fade,
I am thrown back into my former cage.
I look to you screaming and crying on the inside,
You continued to lie through your eyes.
They were my undoing,
You were my undoing.
I have resorted myself to sneaking around,
I have resorted myself to being your concubine instead of your queen with her crown.
Though you never cheated on me with anyone physically,
You abandoned me emotionally.
The death of my character was set in stone,
My sins are something I wish to atone.
We had problems,
Yet we never solved them.
The utter betrayal I felt when I see you fixing another girls troubles,
The utter hurt when you defended her doubled.
You had chosen her over me,
Put her before your future family.
You had asked me to be your wife,
You said it was with me you wanted to spend your entire life.
Then you chose her over me,
It broke me.
Consumed me.
Destroyed me.
You chose her problems to fix, chose her over us,
Destroyed us.
You cared about her more,
What was I? Your stupid little *****?
Yet I forgave and kept being strong,
Afterwards everything went wrong.
I broke down and cried,
I saw the remains of my past self die.
As our friends look upon me with worry,
I couldn't help but feel fury.
I was gone,
My hope, my will, and who I was were gone.
The shadows of my past destroyed me,
I had nothing.
Now all there is is emptiness,
Hopelessness.
Nothingness......
I have become nothing.

i truly hate you,
youre the one who made me blue.
youre the one who tossed me aside,
always making me cry.
youre the reason why i stay up in the middle of the night,
crying from another fight.
youre the reason why i question myself,
wishing i could die and **** myself.
youre the reason why i feel abandoned,
getting pushed away after we spent a scandalous night of passion.
youre the reason why i question you,
always talking to a friend who used to have a crush on you.
youre the reason why i cant feel anymore,
always making me start a war.
youre the reason why i hear a voice in my head,
who wishes for slaughter and bloodshed.
youre the reason why i cant trust,
further damaging my heart of rust.
youre the reason why i hate being me,
always judging me.
youre the reason why i cant go out,
always cancelling our plans for a guys night out.
you never did choose me,
im never truly free.
i cry more now than i did without you,
i truly hate you.
i ******* hate you,
but i ******* love you.

within his heart, a seed was planted when he saw her,
feelings he didnt understand began to stir.
he continued to watch her from afar,
watching as her eyes glitter like a lonely little star.
he watched as she chased after another man,
jealous of him and incredibly sad.
he inwardly smiled in glee when she finally started talking to him,
she had finally noticed him.
he listened with an open heart when he heard her pain filled story,
he continued to bask in her glory.
he smiled when she became his friend,
feeling the beginning of a love that will never end.
he hid envy when he heard someone asked her out,
but when he heard that she said no, he felt a happiness that made him want to shout.
he was heartbroken when his other love interest betrayed him,
soon feeling better when she was there for him.
she held his hand as she helped him out of pain,
having him wrapped her finger in a tight chain.
he followed her endlessly, smiling like never before,
her laughs would make his heart soar.
he stared at her body when she wasnt looking,
he had always thought she was good looking.
finally, his heart couldnt handle waiting,
he sat at their usual spot and waited.
he yearned for her, feared when she was gone,
when he was with her, he wasnt alone.
he waited and finally saw her,
the feelings in his heart stirred.
she smiled at him,
with glimmering eyes and glowing tanned skin.
he blushed and told her his feelings,
scared of rejection and feared her leaving.
she blushed and smiled, saying she loved him too,
his heart began to flew.
it has been almost 3 years,
there have been happiness and tears.
it has almost been three years since i met him,
this is his story about how love blossomed within him.

Gut wrenching pain,
Excruciating and alive!
Let me drink your tears again,
I'll feed you more lies.
Go on my lovely cry some more,
Cry again, you sweet angel!
I am your *****,
I am your devil.
Feed me, my lovely,
Quench my thirst.
Because nothing is more heavenly,
Nothing can make this dead heart burst.
Come and cry oh so sweetly,
Cry for me, my lovely.

Ocean beauty,
Salty smell.
Beautiful scenery,
Creature with shells.
We sat together at the beach,
Watching the sunset fall.
You touched my cheek,
Held me close and we listened to the oceans call.
Your warm touch soothed me,
The waves were small.
The boat rocked continuously,
There nobody at all.
We kisses so passionately,
With no regrets.
We loved so endlessly,
And then the sun set.
On land,
We hated.
On land,
I know you cheated.
We pretended to love each other in a cold marriage,
I'm not stupid, I caught you with that *****.
We both knew our love had perished,
However I didn't know what was at stake.
So here we are on the same boat that we shared,
We were alone together for once.
You pretended you cared,
And then you pounced.
The loud shot from the gun,
The piercing pain.
I stared at you stunned,
And you shot again.
You tossed me over board,
You sped away.
You called the cops once on shore,
You got away.
I see you with that *****,
Your new wife.
You brought out to our place,
Started your new life.
You brought her out to the ocean,
Oh you fool.
You think you were so clever and the plan had set itself in motion,
You came to your doom.
Long scaley tail,
Fins with purple hues.
Skin so pale,
Punishment is due.
Screams in the air,
Why not share?
Left your corpse on the boat, rocking in motion,
I love the ocean.

Do you ever get lost in your depression
      Lost in your obsession?
Do you ever just want to stop being strong
        Even when you're the one who's wrong?
Do you ever just want to cry
        And just die?
Do you ever just want to escape from reality
         Even when all you've ever wanted was to be happy?
Do you ever just want to leave
         Let everyone be?
Do you ever just wonder if you are not making a mistake
       Still feeling like ***** up anyways?
Do you ever just wished you were as beautiful as the people you admire
         Never left undesired?
Do you ever just wish you could be better
          But you can't and it doesn't even matter?
Do you ever just wish you weren't yourself
          Not unhappy, not undesirable, not in need of any help?

Don't you ever just wish to be free?

There she stood playing a melody,
Her fingers positioned and ready.
She's such a tease as she trilled her passionate notes,
Playing songs that someone else wrote.
Her flute gleaming in the spotlight,
I love the way her lips were positioned on that pipe.
Her eyes sparkled as she ran through scales with such ease,
Her melody still haunts my dreams.
The way she blew steady air into her flute was ******,
And she continued to play notes that were chaotic.
Her fingers danced with passion over the keys,
Making me get down on my knees.
I imagined her fingers dancing upon me,
Imagining us in perfect harmony.
She gave me such a thrill,
My body is tingling with chills.
Her lips firm as she played,
Manipulating her mouth to make volume rise and finally fade.
Be mine, you free little bird,
Your song is the only one I heard.
Unleash your melody into me,
Let's make sweet harmony.
I love the way you tease me,
I love the way you play me.
I want my heart to be your flute,
Playing it to your wicked tune.
I love the way you fly,
I want to keep you as my own sweet lullaby.
Be mine, my beloved teasing flutist,
Let your melody and my background tune become sweet bliss.

Where are they now?
Where are my friends?
Everyday I contemplate what, why and how,
However they're not here in the end.

I miss them,
I wonder if they miss me.
Are they really my friends?
Do they think about me?

I worry about them,
Are they ok?
I wonder if I was a good friend.
What if they weren't ok?

I wonder if I did anything wrong,
Were they annoyed by me?
Did I annoy them all along?
Do they know how much they mean to me?

Don't they know how much I hurt?
Don't they know how much I needed their comfort?
Where were they when I needed them?
Weren't they supposed to be my friends?

Where are they now?
I don't know when, I don't know how.
I know only one thing,
I care about them despite everything.

To my friends,
Go ahead and leave.
I don't care in the end,
I only want you to be happy.

Even if I get hurt,
I don't need the comfort.
Even if it's painful,
I don't care about it all.

I love you guys more than anything,
I don't want you to be unhappy.
Even if leave me after everything,
I won't stand in the way of your happiness.

You scream at me,
So rude, so angry.
You tell me to do this and that,
Even you insult me and call me worthless and fat.
You were supposed to be my role model and guide me to the right way.
You're the reason why I'm this way.
I tried to help you,
Tried to cheer you up when you're blue.
However I ended up getting in your line of fire,
You were the biggest of liars.
I had to learn how to do everything by myself,
I still don't know how to take care of myself.
I hate how you side with my brothers when they are wrong,
I wish I wasn't always strong.
I wish I could let myself be me,
I wish that you would see.
You say I'm uncreative, you doubted me.
You made me feel like a freak.
I would be so excited of my accomplishments,
But you treated them like burdens.
You are like the devil,
My freedom is always part of the deal.
I hate how I had to clean the house in order to be free.
It only gets ***** again from my family.
Yet when it was dad, I had to submit,
My freedom was forfeit.
So many dates cancelled because of him,
It jeapordized my relationship.
You were my mom,
You didn't protect me at all.
You were more likely to throw me under the bus to save your skin.
You suffered because of him.
Yet despite it all,
You're still my mom.

Tick tock,
goes the clock.
Purr purr,
Goes the refrigerator.
Drip drip,
Goes the sinks occasional drip.
Squeak squeak,
Goes the mouse who's ever so meek.
Woof woof,
Goes the distant dog.
It's quiet now,
Only with occasional sounds.
Solitude,
Sweet, torturous solitude.
Notice how all these sounds are things I knew,
The only thing missing is you.

dear mother,
i wish i wasnt a bother.
dear mother,
i wish i was better.
dear mother,
i wish i was smarter.
dear mother,
i wish you werent oppressed by father.
dear mother,
i wish that he wasnt my father.
dear mother,
i wish you wouldnt see my boyfriend like others.
dear mother,
i wish you could see the strong love between each other.
dear mother,
i wish you would let me marry my dear sweet lover.
dear mother,
i wish you would listen to me like you do with the others.
dear mother,
i wish you never forget me, that you would remember.
dear mother,
i wish you would never get bothered.
dear mother,
i would never trade you for another.

When you're down on your knees,
You must rise.
When your own family stands in your way,
You push them away.
When the monsters are calling out to you,
You chop them up into a stew.
When the idiots point out your flaws,
Just remember you're above them all.
Fight!
Don't go quietly into the night!
If your boyfriend/ husband/ love of your life hits you,
Knock that ****** out and push a lawsuit.
If you're tired of a man not working,
You kick his *** into doing something.
If you're wanting new opportunities,
Make those changes in your country.
If you're upset that someone is cheating on you,
You get yourself someone good for you.
If you want to cheat with someone,
You better leave the one you're with to do that with anyone.
If you want drama out of your life,
You cut those people out like a knife.
If you want to die,
You get out of that stupid repeating lie.
Wake the **** up,
Stand up.
It's a revolution,
It's time to take action.

i love you with all my heart and soul,
only you can fill this empty hole.
i constantly think that this is too good to be true,
i cant help but love you.

i yearn for you,
i breathe for you.
youre everything i wished you would be,
i need you beside me.
i need you to be with you,
all because i love you.

i cant see anything clearly anymore,
i finally found what im fighting for.
you see me the same,
even after the things that make me ashamed.

i yearn for you,
i breathe for you.
youre everything i wished you would be,
i need you beside me.
i need you to be with you,
all because i love you.

you saved me from myself,
you broke me out of my shell.
i wish for nothing more than to be with you,
we stay together even when things are blue.
i love you more than anything,
you make my heart sing.
if i had to choose anything that i would do,
i will always choose you!

i yearn for you,
i breathe for you.
youre everything i wished you would be,
i need you beside me.
i need you to be with you,
all because i love you.
all because i love you.
all because i love you...

from within me, i felt something inside me,
like there were different parts of me.
i felt a power inside me,
a feeling that wanted to be set free.
let me free, it whispered,
let me out of here.
i always wondered what it was,
where did it come from and what it really was.
it always astonished me,
it had a will and always tried to get free.
i pondered on its existence,
what gave it such a life and such resistance.
i remembered when it started to speak,
i am still that freak.
i was in the 6th grade,
for some reason i was unafraid.
i tried to push it away,
yet no matter what i did, it stayed.
i later just gave up and restrained it,
i locked it up and blocked it.
i met my first best friends that year,
and that was when my locked up prison begin to tear.
the prisoner slowly started to escape from the cage,
as i grew up with age.
8th grade year, however, reinforced its bars,
many things happened that left me scarred.
9th grade, the prison started to deteriorate,
the bars slowly started to break.
the prison exploded that year,
something that caused me fear.
i had made new friends and got a boyfriend,
that lead to me breaking that prison.
now i know who that prisoner is,
i know now where it came from and what it is.
that prisoner was the real me,
trapped inside of me.

A strong heart died tonight.

Your rose tempted me to you,
You lead me to your garden and the sky's were ever so blue.
I loved you and your beauty,
Would ever think you were so deadly?
I got closer and closer until I fell,
And it was nightfall, unleashing hell.
Your thorns wrapped tightly on my heart,
Oh so painful, oh so sharp.
My tears quelled your thirst,
I never knew how much it could hurt.
Your thorny vines wrapped around me like a lover,
Oh so painful, so much pleasure.
My wounds are deep,
I would cry in my sleep.
I would watch the night sky and tried to reach for the stars,
So many wound, so many scars.
Your vines wrapped tightly around my body,
I was your prisoner even though I was nobody.
Your rose started to wilt,
Yet no matter what, I felt no guilt.
I wanted to bleed,
I wanted to believe.
Wrap me up tighter,
Give me more pain and anger.
I want to live,
I want to love.
I'm merely an insect to you,
I need you.
Let my tears quench your never ending thirst,
Squeeze my heart until it burst.
Bring the sun and rain,
I never want to be free again.
Wrap me up tighter in your garden and your vines,
I only ask for you to be mine and only mine.

I love them,
I enjoy every minute with them.
We'd all meet at someone's house and talk,
It was always crazy **** but real talk.
They don't pretend to be who they are,
They are who they say they are.
However because of some people, the trust is shaky,
My heart is aching.
Relationships based off of *** destroyed us,
They did have good intentions but in the end, that was all it really was.
The thing that really stings,
Is knowing they separated into groups and go do things.
My messages untouched and empty,
Time is something I have plenty.
One group here,
One group there.
I'm stuck in the nonexistent middle,
Trying to solve this complex riddle.
There are few here with me,
People who agree.
Now I start looking into it,
Was all the time spent with them worth it?
Because now I'm here waiting to see them,
Trying to be with them!
But I just get ignored,
I get tossed away like trash that has no use anymore.
I sit here and think,
Were they really my friends from the beginning?

once upon a time,
there were four kings who began their earthly time.
these men ruled their kingdoms,
and they were fearsome.

one king, king of spades,
had problems with his trades.
he was drowning in debt,
and many of the problems were never met.
he doubted himself,
all of the misery led to his queen to **** herself.
he soon fell ill with a deadly flu,
as he did, more problems grew.
the kingdom was overthrown,
and the king had died all alone.

the king of hearts took over,
with his eyes as green as a clover.
he always shared,
he actually cared.
however he was too loving,
always with different women and cheating.
his wife who was beautiful and charming,
was not very forgiving.
when the king slept,
the queen crept.
she smiled as she plunged the knife into him,
continuously stabbing him for every time he sinned.
the next morning, an astonishing sight was found,
the queen held her husband, blood pooling on the ground.
she smiled as she sang a song to him,
forgiving him for his sins.
she was imprisoned,
and, later, was hanged.

the king of clubs was next,
he was much different than the rest.
he had amazing luck and was very social,
he got along well with the locals.
his business flourished,
he had a lot of courage.
he had tried his luck too much,
the number of enemies he had was more than a bunch.
he turned into the wrong alley,
he was surely folly.
he was assassinated,
by the people he had aggravated.
he was found stripped of his money,
alone in a cold, dark alley.

the last king was the king of diamonds,
who ruled with as much power of a fierce lion.
he was energetic,
he was successful and creative.
he passed judgement harshly on crime,
he grew wiser and wiser with time.
he gained rewards,
he was skilled with a sword.
however his imagination was far too great,
he would always see things everywhere, even beyond the gates.
he disappeared one day,
a search party began to search for several days.
finally on the 4th day, they found him,
leaning against a tree limb.
he had carved out his face and stabbed his eyes,
words on his chest said "the tree lies."
they found many cravings upon the trees,
with a lot of crazy ramblings.

soon the kingdom was left in pieces,
they all died from several different diseases.
the kings died several different ways,
caused by fate's cruel heartless games.

I walk up the aisle,
My heart is racing for miles.
Crying family members greet me,
Trying to be happy.
The room is dimmed,
I have to continue towards the coffin.
I see her there looking just as she did before,
Yet I knew I won't see her anymore.
Tears continue to fall,
I had to ignore it all.
I finally reached my destination,
Feeling hesitation.
The first time I've seen anything like it,
I can feel the tears and emotions suddenly hit.
She laid there in peace,
Smiling slightly, her forehead no longer creased.
Her eyes closed and her hair was nicely done,
Never in my moment have I been so stunned.
I kneel on the stand close to her,
I can feel my eyes slightly blur.
I reached out and touched her hand,
No longer warm and cold in my hand.
Her veins no longer pumping blood through her body,
She would no longer hold anybody.
Peaceful,
And beautiful.
Another kind soul lost to the world,
A person I have known since before I was even a little girl.
Her beauty,
No longer to bless anybody.
Always there when someone needed her,
My dear sweet grandmother.

i lay here in my bed,
questioning life and exploring the thoughts in my head.
i stare at the wall while thinking of you,
i have never felt so frustrated and blue.
youre miles away from me,
youre the person i so desperately seek.
do you think about me?
do you wish for me?
i question it all with confusion in my heart,
feeling it get shattered in several shards.
is there something wrong with me?
am i too needy, too angry, too ugly?
you pop up in my mind and its the same,
my thoughts cause even more pain.
was i too pushy, too boring, too demanding?
is there something wrong with my being?
flashbacks haunt me and show me better times,
the answer i seek is something i cannot find.
why do you distance yourself?
why does it feel like im by myself?
we used to be free and outgoing,
we didnt care about nothing.
what happened to us?
how did we dig ourselves into this rut?
more questions, more mysterious answers,
but unfortunately they never get answered.

A new year begins,
We erase the past, our lies and our sins.
We leave those who either made us or broke us,
We come up with new goals and new things to discuss.
We look forward to change,
Even though change never came.
We left our tears,
We have our new battle scars.
We leave behind those who died,
Always remember them on the inside.
We left the anger out to extinguish,
We left our anguish.
A new year means new beginnings,
We are entering unknowingly.
A new year could be sad,
A new year, you could be bad.
A new year can make you happy,
A new year can be ******.
However a new year only depends on one person, because everything may be blue,
But the only one who can change that is you.

a fog has clouded my eyes,
the mist surrounded me, full of lies.
i cant see anywhere,
i feel shadows that arent even there.
i can hardly see a thing,
hearing distant sounds of slithering and chirping.
im alone or so i think,
beneath me, i can feel myself slowly sink.
mud caked my feet,
slowly accepting it with defeat.
its damp,
it is a very deadly trap.
it is a symbol of confusion,
and for a very good reason.
i hear rustling of leaves,
a creature has awoken from its sleep.

While some people view others as garbage, others view them as treasures. That is where the writer come in and use these measures.
We switch them to other peoples views,
Make them see something new.
We create imaginary lands and wonderful things,
Not knowing what people will think.
We paint canvases beautiful to the mind,
We create and discover with every line.
We state facts openly,
We expressed ourselves showmanly.
To some, we are a circus full of wonder and joy,
To others, we are concrete and as cruel as a bully is to any girl or boy.
A writer never sees garbage nor do they see treasure,
For beauty is something that can't be measured.
A writer is a creator,
A writer is a destroyer.
It only takes a persons view to see it,
And ultimately do something about it.

two souls has been destroyed,
containing an endless void.
they stare into the endless eternity of time,
feeling their former selves slowly die.

she stares at her former life,
gripping closely her knife.
tears stain her face,
her eyes contained no emotion, her soul completely erased.
she looks back to the past,
happiness from back then that didnt last.
her pride was in a crumpled heap,
her depression was very deep.
she lost her supposedly unbreakable will,
and now she sat upon that window sill.
she was gone,
broken and alone.
she raised up her knife and stabbed her heart of lead,
she was now completely dead.

he drowned himself in the *****,
his mind was something he was trying to lose.
the love of his life left him,
choosing the life of sin.
he caught his lover in an embrace of another man,
and after the heartbreak, he ran.
he sat upon the floor and wept,
it has been days since he slept.
his eyes as red as blood, the bottles littered the floor,
his heart could not deal with this no more.
he tilted his head and chugged every ounce,
till he was simply drowned.
his head bashed against the floor,
breathing no more.

they sigh and held hands,
escaping from the past and their unfortunate ends.
destruction of souls never end,
it simply ends with the persons own destruction.
however sometimes its a beginning,
their hearts are now beating.
death brought them together,
making them leave their lives forever.
two souls were destroyed,
only to find the one that could fill their voids.

Coughing until there is no air left in my lungs,
So terrible, it stung.
My nose is clogged,
My vision is fogged.
The smell of hospital lingers,
I feeling pins and needles in my fingers.
Close to death,
I am doomed to rest in bed.
The IVs are inserted through my skin,
Quite a situation I got myself in.
It's cold,
When did I get so old?
Nurses are running about,
My voice is so weak, I can't even shout.
Who am I?
Where am I?
I cough again,
Feeling blood run down my chin.
It's so empty here,
Can't anybody hear?
The light is so bright,
My vision sees only white.
Why do I cling so desperately to life?
How is death easier than life?
My body is trembling,
I can hear my ears ringing.
I close my eyes,
And wait as the remaining parts of me slowly die.
It's failing now, the system is crashing,
Listen to my heart in it's desperate thrashing.
Memories are whirling around in my skull,
I breathe my last breath, listening to death's call.

We were like fire and air.
We had a love so strong and we didn't care.
You were my fire,
You were never tired.
You kept on going,
You kept on growing.
I was your air,
I added mischief and added to your flare.
I gave you everything,
I expected nothing.
You grew and grew,
Sometimes I wished I was you.
You were so strong and firey,
You reminded me of a teddy bear, so warm and cuddly.
You would win my heart with a simple gaze into my eyes,
Your kisses were strong and sweet and made my heart fly.
You made me feel beautiful for the first time,
Your eyes always shined.
You would always say you needed me,
I would have my doubts but still believed.
But now you changed,
It's too late.
My lovely campfire has burned into a forest fire,
Only focused on your own desires.
I'm suffocating from the smoke of your own actions,
You burnt me due to your reactions.
I'm dying slowly with ashes and soot,
I can feel them getting shoved down my throat.
You took more of me as you pleased,
You've grown deaf to my pleas.
I'm dying,
I'm here crying.
My heart is being seared by your flames,
Things will never be the same.
As I lay here, fading away,
I smile as I get engulfed by your flames.

I don't care who you are,
I don't care if you're a famous star.
I don't care what you do,
I don't care which family it was that you grew.
I don't care who said about anything,
I don't care if you're the next big thing.
I don't care if you're up in ranks above,
I don't care if you're the only person I love.
I don't care about anything,
DON'T MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE'S DREAM!

please mother,
stop looking at me with those eyes.
please mother,
stop spouting all these lies.
please mother,
stop poking at my flaws.
please mother,
stop making me reach and pick at straws.
please mother,
stop criticizing me for everything i do.
please mother,
i dont want to be someone new.
please mother,
im not like my sister.
please mother,
i cannot compare to her.
please mother,
love me as much as you love my brother.
please mother,
stop being with father.
please mother,
i want to be who i am.
please mother,
you cant change what i am.
please mother,
dont hate me.
please mother,
let me be me.
please mother,
i feel so trapped and weak.
please mother,
just love me.
please mother,
stop controlling me.
please mother,
i want to be free.

you have done me wrong,
before i used to be strong.
before i used to be the one who could never be tied,
that was not prone to emotional rides.
i used to be able to take whatever life threw at me,
it was ok to be me.
but then you came into my life and changed me,
i now opened my eyes to see.
i used to be so strong that no one can bring me down,
but now a single negative word from you can make me frown.
now you can reduce me to tears if you got mad,
now you broke me out of the shell i had.
never before had i ever had conflicting emotions,
now they seem to hit me harder than anything i envisioned.
now i crave for things i didnt want before,
i now want more.
i yearn for things that i know that im not ready for,
you have turned me into an attention *****.
you broke me into a woman,
i used to act like a man.
now i worry about my appearance,
you were my worst influence.
look at what youve done to me,
cant you see?
you broke me into who i am,
for you are the only person that can change all that.

My soul is clawing me up inside.
    Yet i still strive.
My soul wears away with time.
       Yet i still strive.
My mind screams at me like a warden to its prisoner.
         Yet i still strive.
My surroundings cage me like prey within a venus fly trap.
           Yet i still strive.
The fire in my heart roars and dies but never balances as it sears me alive.
             Yet i still strive.
I can feel my shoulders crumble from the weight of expectations slowly crushing me.
               Yet i still strive.
I can feel my vision of bright skies and bright futures fade.
                 Yet i still strive.
I can feel my throat close in on itself, forcing me to watch my relationships from afar.
                     Yet i still strive.
I can feel the eyes on me, watching me, waiting for me to fall.
                        Yet i still strive.
I can hear death tempting me with his sweet lullaby of everlasting peace.
                          Yet i still strive.
I can hear the echoes of my past calling my name, screaming my worth.
                              Yet i still strive.
I can taste the tears of all my sorrow, the salt bitter and sad.
                                 Yet i still strive.
I can see the shadows of my former self, hating me.
                                   Yet i still strive.
I can see her point her finger at me and ask, "why do you even try?"

I answered, "because i know that I'll get by."
For the people who care for me,
For the times that i have suffered,
For my happiness,
                                                      I'll strive.

A real writer reads others material and says "cool story bruh" then continues to write their own stories with influences from life.

My love,
Listen to my heartbeat.
Does it sing sweetly like the angels above?
Can you hear how worn out it is from pain and defeat?
My love,
Look at my body.
Is it something that you love?
Is it beautiful even though it is scarred, stretched, and ugly?
My love,
Touch my hair.
Is it beautiful to you even if it's untamed and rough?
Do you love it enough to stare?
My love,
Feel my teeth.
Is it something you're afraid of?
Does my fangs make me look sweet?
My love,
Listen to my voice.
Does it sound sweet like the chirping of birds from above?
Does my childlike voice fill your void?
My love,
Stare into my eyes.
Can you see what I'm thinking of?
Can you see it's tired of the pain and lies?
My love, can you see me now?
My love, can you hold me now?
My love, my sweet, my wonderful,
Am I truly beautiful?

You're driving me insane,
I'm no longer the same.
I can't keep living like this,
My whole life is at risk.
Dear sweet sister,
Stop the torture.
Stop hurting me,
I didn't do anything.
You snap at my questions,
You cause stress and tensions.
I go into a fit of emotion,
Going along it's roller-coasting motions.
I want to stop the fights,
I want to live my own life.
You take my money and things,
All I say is nothing.
When I complained for change,
You blame me for your misery and rage.
I didn't ask to be born,
Yet I still receive your scorn.
You said I made you suffer,
Am I not your sister?
You take my money using the excuse that you paid for me,
Am I not your family?
I take care of your son,
I don't complain, we have fun.
You use him as a weapon against me,
Can't you see he's just a baby?
I don't ask for my stuff back,
Yet all I receive is your attack.
I'm not the person you paint me out to be,
I never caused you any bad deeds.
Leave me be,
You're not a stranger, you're family.
Stop taking my money and things,
Stop trying to ruin my future and everything.
Wake up and realize the problem is you,
And stop torturing me because I'm through.

My heart has been shattered,
It has lain on the floor completely battered.
It has been stomped upon and it splattered,
To them, it never mattered.

My heart has been uplifted,
Pride was something it had been gifted.
It constantly shifted,
The suffering of my failure would be lifted.

My heart has been beaten,
Mangled and defeated.
It had been cheated,
Kicked to the ground and forgotten.

My heart has been kind,
It is naive and blind.
Always listening to the tasks that have been assigned,
Open, free, and would never decline.

My heart is alone,
Its has been pushed around like a stone.
It chooses kindness as a way to atone,
My heart is my own.

I don't need drama in my life,
I already had enough of it at home.
I don't need liars in my life,
I've already had the hurt caused by them.
I don't need anyone who pretends,
I've already seen who they are.
I don't need anyone to keep me in my own prison,
My hearts is already riddled in scars.
I don't need anyone to lie,
My whole life was one.
I don't need anyone to pity my life,
It's a thing that I want gone.
I need someone real,
Someone who actually cares.
I need the real deal,
Someone who can share.
I need real people,
No more fakes.
I'm done with those people,
They blame me for their mistakes.
I don't need a fake friend,
I need a true friend.
I don't need someone,
I need the real one.
Because life is riddled with fakes,
Life's ultimate mistakes.
I don't need a liar,
I need someone with that same fire.
A real person.

I can't breathe anymore,
It feels like I'm in a cage.
I can't deal with it, it's too much, no more!
I can feel all my sorrow and my rage.
I feel like my soul is being torn limb from limb,
I feel my heart being torn inside out.
My once ever so strong spirit has suddenly run thin,
I can feel all the emotions and everything inside start to pour out.
Why must I ruin everything I touch?
Why must I ruin everything for everyone?
Why must I love so much?
Why must I ruin all the fun?
My head is splitting upon the wall of my own solitude,
My body seems almost lifeless with no energy or life.
I feel naked and ****,
Their words cut into me sharply like a knife.
Everything is falling,
I can't go on.
They hear me calling,
But they just continue to move on.
I just wanted everyone to be happy,
I just wanted to be loved.
But here I am, unhappy,
Simply pushed away and shoved.
I feel my heart lose it's warmth,
Tears run coldly down my face.
Here I lie on my bed, suffering in my own storm,
Feeling like a disgrace.
Where is my love?
Where is my strength?
I can no longer hear the angels above,
Even darkness holds me at arms length.
I'm alone,
I feel so cold.
My heart has been kicked around like a stone,
The pieces of my life is the only thing I hold.
No one can hear me scream,
No one will help me.
This isn't a dream,
This is my ultimate reality.
My double edged sword,
My very own love,
Have pierced me without a word,
And left me to rot.

I am a devil in disguise,
A dark angel hidden in sweet lies.
I'm what people would call idiotic,
I'm nothing but a raving lunatic.
I'm the one who people sees as strong,
I'm the one who's seen that's constantly in the wrong.
I'm the victim,
I'm the innocent one.
I'm the friend who is so sweet,
I'm the one who people want to be.
However, I don't want that,
I'm ugly and fat.
I'm rotten to the core,
I'm the one who's never more.
I'm not worth the wait,
I'm not worth the pain.
I know this more than anyone,
I was always the abandoned one.
I know that people won't see me,
I know that I won't be free.
I'm never more than a friend,
Someone who is there in the end.
I'm not strong,
All these things that people say are wrong.
I'm always on my own,
Alway doomed to be alone.
Even the love of my life will never pick me,
Despite my pleas.
He's the type of man who will pick his friends,
Even when I need him in the end.
He's wonderful but I know that I'm always last to them,
They mean more to him.
I know my friends would never care about me,
Even though we can be considered as close as family.
I know that I would sacrifice myself so happily,
They are my real family.
However, I get left behind and forgotten,
Like leftovers or food that is doomed to be rotten.
I don't want to burden them though,
I don't want them to know.
I'm not upset with them,
They are my family and friends.
They saved me from myself,
They helped me become myself.
They woke me up to reality,
From my closed off fantasy.
They made me smile,
They helped me, a person who was already defiled.
I owe my entire existence to them,
They are my friends.
So I don't mind being left in the dust,
I don't mind if I'm left to rust.
I know that at my funeral, no one will attend,
I don't care, they're my friends.
I don't mind if they don't cry,
Or if they left me alone to die.
I want them to be happy,
Even if it sounds so sappy.
I know in my heart that they don't love me as much as I love them,
I don't mind, they're my friends.
They're my family, my reason for being,
So why wish suffering because of my suffering?
I'm a devil hiding in sheeps clothing,
A villain in superhero clothing.
I'm no good,
I'm every bad thing in existence that is far from good.
However, even me, a nobody,
Wants to love and have somebody.
So I let them tear me down and rip me to shreds,
I was always better being dead.
I don't care about it, there's nothing to be changed,
For I'm a fool in love and is always willing to wait.