the time has come...
oh how dreadful
i leaned forward,
my heart beating rapidly,
but silently,
i gripped a paper,
a paper,
just a piece of paper,
that determined success or failure,
my worth,
and my life.

i gripped it so hard that
it crumpled at the edges
then,
i took a deep, deep breath,
let out a heavy sigh,
and slowly,
but desperately,
opened it.

i closed my eyes,
opened it again,
then squinted,
and with my shaking fingers,
i unveiled it,
praying to the gods that all was good,
praying that i have not disappointed,
praying that i have not failed,
but then,
for a split second,
i saw it,
and when i did,
i stared at it with remorse and complete loss,
my crippling fear came true,
suddenly,
i felt my stomach sink,
i felt sick,
i felt my body going numb,
my body heating up,
my cheeks burning,
my head throbbing,
and at that moment,
i wanted to cry,
i wanted to disappear,
i wanted to be consumed by darkness,
i wanted to be  
n o n e x i s t e n t.

on cold and lonely nights like these,
she wrapped herself in a thick blanket of pride she’d woven,
lit a fire from her soul,
sung herself a lullaby,
and slept in her never-ending bed of dreams...

Hey,
Do you want a wilted flower?

If I gave you one,
would you grab her from her roots,
and throw her on the ground?
Or...
would you nurture her,
caress her,
give her a little sunshine,
and water,
until she can finally water herself from the tears of joy you’ve given her,
and until her smile becomes her own sunshine?

this road i walk in,
is infinite,
never ending,
and continuous.
there is no speed limit,
no lines,
no signs.
this road i am walking in,
is called
L I F E

sometimes,
as I walk on this road,
i get exhausted,
mentally,
physically,
and emotionally.
For a moment, I am burned by the scorching sun,
frozen into an ice block the next,
and heaved down on my knees by the pouring rain.
But,
I know that I must not stop,
I must not stop walking,
I must not stop moving forward.
No matter how hard it is,
or how hard it gets,
I must  P E R S E V E R E,
because life is not life,
If you stop moving forward.

I held on to that little string of hope,  
as tight as I could.
I nourished it,
with every ounce of love I had.
But in the end,
I finally realized,
what was never meant to be,
will never turn into a reality.


I should’ve known better,
I should’ve known sooner.
The sooner I knew,
the better it would’ve been.
The sooner I knew,
the less pain I would’ve gone through,
and the less bruised my hands would’ve been,
holding onto that one single strand of hope,
that eventually shattered into a million pieces.
And now,
I'm drowning,
in sorrow,
in pain,
in regret,
in disappointment,
in everything but happiness.

i love you
i'm irrevocably in love with you.
i love the way your hair brushes through my skin like silk feathers.
i love the way you smile,
and how your tiny little eyes hold the universe within them.
i love how your chubby cheeks perks up like freshly blossomed red cherries on a spring morning.
i love how your bouquets of aroma is so alluring, that my body bathes in it everyday.
i love to hear the sound of your high pitched, husky voice when i call you at 3 am in the morning.
i love how you dance as if nobody is watching when in reality,
everybody is watching.
your grace,
your elegance,
your boldness,
your confidence,
is exquisite,
rare,
and,
transcendent.
i love how every move you make intrigues me,
luring me in into the depths of your warm, heavenly soul.
you are filled with flaws,
and yet you are absolutely,
completely,
inexplicably,
FLAWLESS

You once made me feel worthless
Slashed my self-esteem in half,
With your sharp tongue,
With those vicious words that cut straight through my delicate soul like knives,
And every night,
My heart bled,
It bled,
And it bled some more,
And my heart cried,
Until she could no longer bleed,
Nor cry,
Nor beat.
And that was when I took out your heart,
and replaced mines with yours.
That was the day,
You died,
And that was the day,
I finally felt   A L I V E.

I was like a book with blank pages
You could've written on me or left me on the dusty shelves
Instead, you tore out my pages,
dragged me mercilessly to the barren ground,
and ruthlessly burned me to my ashes
But little did you know
that a
        
           P
               H
                   O
                       E
                          N
                               I
                                   X
                            
                                             rises from its ashes.