I never knew that I could love anyone
As much as I love you
I never knew I had it in me
to give myself away like this
I never thought i'd find someone to love so unconditionally
A love so incomprehensible, so vivid, so unique, so wild
A passion so deep
A need so necessary
A want so strong
I don't know how to explain
What it is i feel inside
Just know what i feel has no end

“My downfall, My muse
My worst distraction
My rhythm and blues”

A.H

“If i were to die, what would be your last words for me?” She asked.
“I love you so very much, and if i were to live another life my only wish would be that i find you and be with you, again & again, life after life.” He said
“What a wonderful thing for you to say. Again  & again. Life after life. Is that so?” She said halfheartedly.

Do not weep for me,
When i am gone.
Do not grieve for me,
When i am gone.
Do not show your love for me,
When i am gone.
For you have not shown your love for me,
When i was here.
For those words that you didn’t act upon,
When i was here.
For all those time you left me all alone
For all the memories that you couldn’t make with me.
You dont get to weep.
You dont get to grieve.

In life and in death
I needed you a million times
I cried a million times

**** ga futari o wakatsu made
(Till death do us part)

I saw the world through eyes
Which was caged by metal bars.
My only companion was the coal black grand piano standing in the middle of the room.
Music sheets scattered everywhere!
I have by hearted every note in them
Every sonata, Every waltz, every Nocturne.
Beethoven’s moonlight sonata gave beauty to the moonless nights.
Debussy’s clair de lune became my sun on sorrowful cloudy days.
Chopin’s minute waltz reminded me of every passing minute of my grief.
Fritz kreisler’s loves joy was the the burning flame that lit the darkness.
My heart longs for the day,
To be saved by Beethoven’s melody of love.
The melody which will melt down the metal bars blocking my sight.
The bars from my caged eye!!

A.Hana

Shafts of light streamed through the half opened blinds
The moon in its brimful bloom,
Its silver light washed up the room
Reflecting the light into my eyes.
The faint sound of the gramophone playing Fritz Kreisler’s Liebesleid (Love's Sorrow).
The walls threw back the echoes of the melody!
I didn’t know why tears were gushing along with it.
In a room full of white.
With a music so rich.
A solitary night.
A solitary heart.
Why always play Love’s Sorrow when you also have Love’s Joy?
Maybe deep down
My heart knew the cavernous melancholy henceforth.

A.Hana

My darkest fears feeding on me
My nightmares growing on me each passing day
These Unearthly visions
Makes me question reality
People Moving left and right
Staring at me with those hollow eyes
As i walk by.
I take a close look at their distorted faces
They are not humans
Demons in disguise
I see everyone i love leaving me without glancing back
Leaving me in this pit of darkness full of dreadful demons.
I start running after them
But i lose sight of them
Gasping for breath i stop
Tired and terrified to the core
I look around me
I am in a dark place,
a darkness that surrounds you.
It covers your eyes,
To keep you from seeing light,
Evil voices calling out my name
Demons Lurking in the shadows
I feel them getting closer
I have no where to go
Trapped in an endless labyrinth with no way out

I wake up screaming at the top of my lungs
I can’t breathe
My body feels cold
It takes a minute or two to calm my mind
My heart feels heavy
I have lost count of how many nights i have struggled with this
Demons hunting me when awake and asleep
Feeding on me and my fear,

Loneliness
My constant companion

Solitude
A.Hana

VOID VOID VOID
There is a hole in my heart
A void in my mind
I am stuck
I don’t know how to get out of here
All i see is pitch black
An unfamiliar darkness
I need something to fill this empty shell inside me!
Someone to fill my whole heart and soul with love
Save me from this
Endless void

A.Hana

Dear self
Be kind to yourself
Just like you are to others
Be patient with yourself
Show compassion
Show love.
Have faith in yourself
Even during your darkest days
Believe in yourself.
Be stronger than any storms.

Know that you are amazing
Know that you are brave
You are a beautiful star
Who shines bright and can be seen from afar

Be your own garden
A garden even the wildest flowers can bloom
Love yourself
Be proud of who you are
Fail, learn and strive for more

25
A.Hana