Pain. One of the few things that you can use in many ways in being hurt, but yet it still lingers.
Either a scrape, cut, bruise, heavy heart, maybe a broken heart, or just the heavy feeling of guilt
left unsaid in your heart. Losing a best friend, or a family member hurts, but everyone handles
things differently. Either they move on from said things with a breeze or it haunts them like there is no tomorrow.
Yet nothing hurts more than knowing the pain/ damage you caused to the person you love more than anything…
Everyday you look into the eyes of love of your life and although they might try to hide that pain,
you can still see it clear as day. It haunts you like a bad nightmare, just a loop that you’re
forever stuck in. It hits you everyday over and over, and as it hits each time it leaves more
damage to you, yourself. And as you see the damage happening you don’t care to try to stop it.
It leaves a heavy guilt in your heart, and with each beat you’re reminded of that guilt. Sickening
almost, but there’s nothing that can be done. Sorry doesn’t help, they forgive you but you just
hate yourself more and more. And the hatred just grows and grows.
Trying to do right won’t help, the damage is already done. You try to forget yourself, but it still
lingers in the shadows. Something always brings up what happened, just to be hit by that same
guilt and hatred again. Every night when you go to sleep you know they’re thinking about what
happened.
Just about every other night when they think you’re asleep you can hear them trying to cry
quietly from that damage YOU caused. They cry in their sleep from that pain still, holding them
helps them feel better, but yet their tears dribble on your skin and you can feel the pain they
feel. Causing the guilt in your chest to only become heavier, and each time a tear drops, they
squeeze you tightly, or even holding them closer and saying that it’s okay, everything will be
alright. It still doesn’t get rid of that heavy guilt and hatred for yourself because of what you’ve
done to them.
Everyday it’s the same thing, you smile because you are happy but that guilt is still there with
that hatred. You know it won’t go away but you still hide it. You don’t want to damage them
anymore than what you already have. Their dreams crushed by your own carelessness and not
giving a **** about anything. It always reflects off of them when you look at them, it’s as if it’s a
mirror you’re looking at of yourself. We all know that pain, guilt, and hatred you have for what
you did won’t go away, it will always be there…. So just hide it like you always do.