My fantasy self once thought

It's easier to be a shifter
You scream mate
like a second nature

Nothing or no one,
Could detach you from them

How do i know to stick my neck out
For one person for all eternity

Reality check was hard
But I needed all of it

Romance was the last hope
I had in some sort of love,hope

It's hard to be bold
Because i want to
Scratch that need to be taken care of

I wonder sometimes

how it's like this
And then like that
In this world

why others eyes are firmly shut
Others wide open

We see things how we want to
Not how they are

Our lenses are so fogged
So senile yet so young

Because our emotions
Are volatile and full of greed

But are those excuses enough
Knowingly or not
we killed someone's will to pull through

I'm a liar
I do that to protect myself but so does the world

I'm a liar
I lie to people that frighten me

I'm a liar
I shake visibly when I do

I'm a liar
I lie to people I don't trust

I'm a liar
When I lie I beat my self for days,weeks,
months,years to come

I'm a liar
I wish you would understand me so I would stop

I'm a liar
I'm visibly disgusted by myself each moment I utter those words

I'm a liar
It's why I talk sparse

I'm a liar
Because its the only way I'll survive
That or keep mute

So I'll keep being silent or ill keep being the lier i soo hate to protect myself.

But I'm transparent
To the only person Willing to bare themself Free of judgement
To that person
I'm an angel of truth

I'm I crazy
I'm no longer in sync,
With my thoughts
Neither with my words
My emotions are of no consequence either

I'm I crazy
I smirk instead of cry
I chuckle at tragedy
I shrug at despair
I turn at disappointment

I'm I crazy
Can't remember how to truly smile
Oh this is rich coming from a soul
whose laughter was contagious
Whose smile was worth the hassle
Yet I wasn't spared

I'm I crazy
That I can only discern
Hunger and thirst
Save anger
The rest are a blurr

Yes I'm crazy
But I'm also a shell
Whose smile wasn't worth fighting for

She hasn't forgiven
Forgetting was far stretched

Hope wasn't just a privilege
It was a nightmare

Just when she thought
The day wouldn't be so bright
Or the night wouldn't be so dark

They proved her a clown
A comedy laughed on,
On her expense

It became a cycle

To get her to Hope
To get her to believe

And to squash down later

So let go she did

Because that's all she could do

As painful as it might be
Hope was never hers to begin with

My instincts are mostly gamble

They work with me
I work against them

They are not self depriving

But the truth that I cannot see

I want a trait so badly
I ignored the warnings

They did tell me it wasn't mine
Never going to be

But I was desperate
I hoped ,prayed even that I'm right

That I deserve salvation
Even if its for Splitting seconds

To feel the magic I thought I deserve

In the end I'm mostly apologetic
For not listening

I hope for my sanity I remember this
Before taking the next leap

Sleepless nights,Cloudy eyes

All seem to be in season

Heavy head,painful sight

All promising wonders

Frail body, weaker mind
Still holding you straighter

Greyer days Darker nights

All seam to blend perfect

Weeping heart,bleeding souls
All mix to form wonders

All this mix
Still strong enough on the outside

In all this cascade
Needn't more to say
We all don't have it perfect

And all understood it different.