I lay here with my world spinning
Reality hits like a brick wall
And I stand face to face with my fears
Looking insecurity in the eyes
I tremble, uneasy in my own skin

This was the final solution
I had plenty of time to prepare
I was ready for it
Knowing without a doubt this was the right choice
What I wasn’t ready for was the darkness

The darkness sneaks up from the corner
Like my own shadow I paid it no mind
It slowly engulfed me
Creeping into the depth of not only my mind but my heart
Coating every ounce of me with insecurities and self doubt

I wrote it off as being tired or in physical pain
But as I turned in and my mind was left to wander about it struck
A strike so deep I was overcome

I feel less
Less of a woman
Less of a person
Less of myself

Which makes no sense but it’s all I feel
I can’t shake the pain
I can’t shake the fear of no being desirable because I can no longer have children
I can’t shake the fear that missing pieces makes me less whole

As illogical as it is I can’t slow it down
Because at the same time it’s logical
Fear, insecurity, pain
Even though for the best I’ve lost part of me