You are that feeling of weightlessness
Right before I fall asleep
A cloudy, comforting sensation
Like when Mom used to tuck the covers around me
That high, yet drunk, and let me see how long I can hold on to this
Kind of feeling

Heavy eyelids and haze
Surrounded by a halo of bliss
Glowing. Luminescent.
Every exhale floating higher
Melatonin overload

No fear of what dreams may come.
Weightless.
Promise to grab my string before I blow away?

It's been storming since I got back
Raining enough to turn streets to rivers
And the air
Like trying to breathe in cotton *****
All sound muffled by water coating every surface
It's like sitting under one of those weighted blankets
And I'm grateful, I think
Because while I'm not one for physical affection,
I feel wrapped in a prolonged embrace

It is when the night comes
And the temperature dips
And the air does not feel so heavy anymore
That I realize just how empty this bed is.
Your half, cold and so shriekingly strikingly void
Threatens to swallow me up like a black hole
Throwing me into nothingness

And sometimes I let it
Let the buzzing numbness wash over my chest
Relief from lungs squeezing out every bit of air
Like my sorrow is a cloth to be wrung out
Yes. Absence is preferable.
But not yours.

But maybe I'll get lucky,
And the clouds will hold vigil
And the rain will still sing
And the sky will continue to fall
Until you come home again.

Five minutes of your time
Five minutes of mine
But I'd give every minute leading up to these moments
To make them last just a little longer.
Just one more sentence.
One breathless "I love you. "
Something to reassure this heartsick brain that's been burned before
Still showing scars from the last arrangement like this.
Just one more minute to tell my racing heart
There's no need to be afraid
And the lurking darkness she's trying to outrun
Is merely an illusion.

Just, just
Five minutes, then -
Do
      Do
            Do.
Call ended.

Everything is muffled,
Like an invisible cotton ball
Stuffing city streets with silence
Car horns don't jar our attentions,
Sirens whistle, not shriek
Passing couples yell to be heard
But there is nothing drowning them out.

This is the calm before the storm,
The void that opens up in the atmosphere
In the moments before the fury drop.
In this quiet,
The whispering gong of silence is deafening.

Then the lightning strikes
And thunder reminds us what it is to hear

I don't know how you hold this flame
How you can cradle it without singeing
Your fingertips tickle my skin
Calluses rising and falling,
Rough and smooth
Like your passion
Makes my knees weak
And sparks fears of the unknown
Of trails blazed on my very flesh
Of innocence stolen and mangled
Of mines set like switches, triggers

But still you hold my flame.
And though you mistake this fear,
Think it is one of your creation,
Still you cradle.
You don't deserve this.
I don't deserve you.

Lying on this twin mattress reminds
Me of the times we'd squeeze two in one
Like some kind of intimate sale.
50% off my full sized bed
Landing me here,
Listening for your snores
But finding none.

"You disgust me," she says.
Yeah, I know. Me, too.