I want to see the rough drafts of your life,
the ones that reside on the floor after missing our casket of waste.
I want to see the erasing, the changed proportions, the skeletal grid.
Cause the resulting finish is beautiful; you’ve mastered a technique.

Maybe I want to feel closer,
with a secret for thine only.
Or maybe I just want that importance,
with trust I would truly come to believe.

It’s only a peak I am viewing.
All else is six feet deep.
But it’s that peak of the iceberg that I love
over the entirety of any other.

I do not know what lies in heaven,
nor what our deaths may bring.
All questions may be revealed,
or grow unanswered in fresh new trees.
But disregarding my faith; despite all your beliefs:

This one I want from you, not omniscient Him

I made a promise to a girl I once met,
Her fearful stutter revealing such challenge to be brought.

In her mind she could see the result,
And eyes like projectors I too saw what she knew.

"Never let me leave, never let me run, just never let go…"

We had only just begun and yet with assurance it quivered,
I Promise.

Yet here I stand, left with an empty hand.
Tracing the foot steps:
The half “toe-heal” running prints back to where she no longer stands.

In through the nose.
And out through the mouth.
The lungs stay the same, but the air-
The air is thinning.

If we knew we could use up all the oxygen,
would we breathe any faster?
If we knew you wouldn't wake up tomorrow,
would we go to bed sooner?

We want to tell the world yes,
but we we’d be lying to ourselves.
So why do we lie? Why can’t we just realize we want help,
And not the end.
For ending the misery is not the proper trade.

Once more through the nose.
Again out the mouth.
We mustn't plan our goodbyes.
Fill the lungs, lower the chest.

Inhale… The End.

Her perfect world I aimed to create,
Problems she held onto I wanted to lock away,
That’s all I ever wanted for her.
All I ever tried to do.

But I can remember the sound,
A small whimper.
As if the past inside had caught up with her,
I was the problem. I was the cause.
I could see me reflection in every drop of water,
Image by image absorbed by my shirt.

Why was the search for safety still in me?
I was the reason.
Why did escape still rest on my shoulder?
I was what provoked.

What I want is not what I deserve.
I am given too much but never put out enough back.
Who gave me that right? To be such an ***;
So blind, and so Ignorant.
Yet she sticks around and stays,
It kills me to see that it kills her.

The perfect world I aimed to build
shattered in the frozen wind.
The loss of feeling in my bones
of escaped problems in the cold.

But I hold her.
Because I fear if I let go I’ll never feel her body again,
I fear I’d never hear that laugh I love once more,
Fear never to see that smile that brings good tears,
Or those eyes that tell a story:
A story no longer of her own.

Its fear.
Fear that makes me worry as the world moves on without me,
And nothing is left with me but an echo
Of those same words smeared across the walls of my skull.

Nobody ***** up,
People just get lazy.

I can see the waters in your eyes,
The ocean of sadness that keeps you afloat.

I can hear the air in your voice,
The winds of weakness stretching til it snaps.

I can taste the fire on your lips,
The flames of desire quickly fading overnight.

I can feel the earth in your heart,
The soil of life turning to stone under the weight.

And I can smell the salt in your tears,
That fall from the ocean within you+

My senses notice the elements that cause this sedimentary heart to feel hope++
Sacrifice to stay alive- don’t let your waters run dry.

_____________
+Passing through the broken wind, putting out your fire; only to water the soil before it’s gone.
++Hope that your ending will be better.

I hate finding the beauty in things,
But by now it's all I can do.
And I hate finding the beauty in everyone,
Cause I fear I'll glaze over that beautiful someone.

I'm not weak.
I am scared.
I love you.

I don't want to be paid for what I want to do,
But I have to have a living.

I've never been big on second chances,
And yet on night like these-
I wish I was

I found our unfinished puzzle today,
The progress preserved through all these years.
On several occasions I've attempted to finish it with no prevail,
And yet today when I found it, it had been destroyed.

O’ Bountiful Mind,
Such a beautiful delight is the memory we store,
From childhood to now, fears to joyfulness,
Such a glorious creation, Gods masterpiece and more.

Yet I seem to – I mean – I stumble on the spot,
And – Ummm – Memory is something that can’t be bought.

O’ Internal Shrine,
We never fill up; instead our head stays an open door,
From that one first crush to that one first kiss,
Its wonder is a mystery down to the very core.

I have – I guess – I must have lost my train of thought,
For what I had in mind I seem to have forgot…

I write til my thoughts and body grow weak.
You’re tired, they say.
No… no but alas, I am free- And with feeble eyes, I sleep.

My problems seem to have evaporated.
Condensing into a clouded form of stress.
Only to precipitate through the cracks of my eyes in my shower tonight.

I turned to tarot last night in search for answers.
Answers regarding you.
Which only ever lead me to questions,
about me.

O’ Shakespeare and your beauty of sonnets,
Thou’s glorious works of art that **** thee.
Its strength grasp thy soul, shatter it to bits,
I just love how you try and ****** me.
Your words, they flow in such wonderful ways,
From you to the people, they ever flow.
Where doth thou run when seen the light of day?
Back to the cauldron from where thy once grew?
O’ thou’s attempts to be but such a bird
Yet stuck an ugly duck, ******* great awe.
You bring sight to the blind; to deaf, sounds are heard,
Death to the living; mutes left to gagging.
Thus I must credit your will and your time,
For like you, my life’s lost in this strict rhyme.

What if I slept?
Not for those regular reasons,
But the irregular.
For the admiration of leaving reality
Only to wake up in my own world.
A world at peace, Never to wake again.
Would you care?

What if I lied?
Not to hurt or cause sorrow,
But the irrational.
For the acceptance of making reality
Only to hide what is really inside.
A man full of hurt, loneliness.
Would you see?

What is reality?
Not a world of the irregular or irrational,
But the contrary.
What is truth?
Not a word of what is right,
But a slip of what is needed.

For reality can be left,
Truths can hurt.
We can teach ourselves,
Break the happiness, Fake our way.
Its all a weapon, A way of life.
Whats not taught to us in the books.

Would you gladly care to tell me who I am?
The me you have become to know, have known to become.
Would you please show me where I should flee?
A place where the world no longer fades where I stand.
Would you?

Feel free to wake me when our existence is no more.
The reality is a lie,
A lie we have dreamed up.
Does that make it Tangible? Authentic? Or Exceptional?
Does that make us concrete?

So I’m stuck waiting,
Waiting on what others entitle life.
To me its a waste,
For I need something to call mine.
But this reality is all lies and back to dreams I fall.
The wait is over.
This is where I am secluded.

Would you even want to join me?
Like I said,
Do you even care?

A fleeting moment gone too far;

Silence.

The three words come out and — vulnerability.

And the silence comes again.

One lucky day I met a special girl,
If had only known she would patch me up inside.
I could tell by the way she looked at me,
She thought i was the one, but life often lies.

I had only just met her,
Wasn’t sure what to think.
I said not to worry, it would be okay,
I only had to stop and reconsider.

I now know the question,
That floated through her head…

What exactly is ‘okay’,
And what in life makes the world go round, What exactly is ‘okay’,
I am Lost and waiting to be Found.

A year went by and life seemed okay
I never forgot the girl I saw that day.
Those glowing eyes seeked me out once again,
So I gladly agreed not knowing the price id pay.

You waited for me so I thought it would last, But now Im just another guy in your past. I regret not doing the things I should’ve done, And now Im alone not having any fun.

They all say not to worry it will be okay,
But I still have that question,
that floats through my head…

What exactly is ‘okay’,
And what in life makes the world go round,
What exactly is ‘okay’,
I am Lost and waiting to be Found…(repeat)

I am Lost and waiting to be Found….

A majority of the struggle for Art,
is simply becoming a reality.

A touch, her hand. I’m trapped.
I need out, room to breathe.
But all hope is lost.
Don’t ask me why, its just my nature.
And its hell.

She’s miserable, I’m her high.
But the feeling isn't mutual. The search for escape isn't equal.
Its a one-way mirror between us.
She see’s me, and I, well I see me.
Yet we both see someone completely different.

I’m not who she believes, not anymore at least.
Every stumble she lives through, the cuffs squeeze tighter.
Every fear she gains, the sentence becomes longer.
The cell slams shut. I’m stuck.
All signs are clear, well to me.

Freedom will bring pain,
yet the wait does the same.
Me?
Her?
That’s all that remains.

I can remember your touch
in passing
A slight graze
to gentle squeeze

These words
are driving me mad
So I give them
to you all instead

When I’m bored and confused and have no where to go,
I sit down and think til my emotions just flow,
Seems that I wonder to places even God doesn’t know.

And when I listen to music I am up in the sky,
Music to me is like drugs to some guy.
It takes me to where I can be me,
I am wondering in this place where I am set free.

Although I am gone in this place with no cost,
Not all people who wonder are lost.

There’s things in this world that seem a little too real,
Life is boring and fast, no time for you to feel,
Love comes and goes like a well-broken deal.

But as I listen to music I am up in the sky,
Music to me is like drugs to some guy.
It takes me to where I can be me,
I am wondering in this place where I am set free.

Although I am gone in this place with no cost,
Not all people who wonder are lost.

Like two peas in a pod,
We were devoured.

Love, for what I had yet fear.
The sound I still long to be near.
Can a kiss tell or can it ****.
The thought which makes my heart stand still.

To keep the world smiling, a job too big for one.
Yet a job not impossible to get done.
But I was that only one, or so it seemed.
So the pressure built, if you know what I mean.

A breaks what I need, yet she sits in my head.
A silhouette of a girl keeps me up in my bed.
I need to fill this blank canvas alone.
Yet I’m turning to everyone to help me see what is shown.

I listen for those drums, to show me the rhythm.
And feel for those footsteps, to guide me along.
I search for those songs, that speak a thousand words.
And write what I find, what comes out of this mind.

So the three roads ahead are now what I face.
I sit and I wait not knowing what to chase.
For I find no drums, nor footsteps, still long for a song.
Understanding for answers to what choice is not wrong.

I wait, I Listen,
For the world is loud in its awe of day,
But its only heard best when all is silent,
And the lights go out.

I feel, I whisper,
For the wind cries out for all to hear,
But its misunderstood and left to only a mumble,
And the world sleeps.

Because I sit and wonder why the wind stays persistent,
For what it wants to share must be to us of some importance,
So then why do we bottle it up to no more than a sound,
So I opened the window,

The sound rushed in with a punch of emotion,
Enclosed the room with nothing but chatter,
The mumbles became clear and the wind became heard.

I sat and listened to the words untold,
As thoughts and actions drowned my head,
All was clear and fine in mind,
Then silence, and nothing but the peace of night.

I will not say what I heard from those spoken,
For thou may know when thou is ready to listen,

But as I am the wind, left blowing in the night,
I speak in mumbles and seem sadly mistaken,
For my words get twisted from thought to tongue,
But thou may not be heard if one doesn't open their window…

How can you show that you care?
How do you show that your there?
By how can friendship be what we share-
When its from a distance that which we sit and stare?

But it is of that distance which my feet will choose to walk,
Until that day comes we just continue to talk.

That through both our care we will see,
For I'll help you back when you fall to your knee’s.
Because this friendship we share, it must be,
Its not “from a distance” that tears at what you mean to me.