Remember the day when you told me you loved me?
Do you?
-I do-
The icy shiver as the cuffs bound my ankles.
It hadn't been that long and yet, I liked it.
I remember within all that fear,
Deep down (like waaaayyyy down): relief.
Love.
A word and emotion;
But to what does it hold value?
Because in this economy it doesn't feel like much.
Do you remember when I told you I loved you?
Truly?
That was my favorite day,
Right before your birthday.
It wasn't a gift to you though, no.
It was a burst of meaning and feeling I had mustered up over weeks passing til it exploded into ****** up confusion in your parents bed that night.
You overlooked the imperfection with a smile.
Too giddy to care;
Perhaps even your ears heard it perfectly as I meant it.
P̶e̶r̶h̶a̶p̶s̶.
Then that word, love, slowly faded away remember?
The daily panic of as though you were slipping in my hand,
And the over-compensated measures that would push you away.
So. far. away.
Commitment- Check.
Love- Check.
And a future? We were so ready to skip ahead to the settling down it sickened us.
Remember that?
-I do-
And yet its gone and I can’t remember why?
I can’t place were it fell out,
I've retraced my steps but someone cleaned the mess before I could investigate.
And so its gone, as I’m left stumbling through this fog trying to rebuild a scattered puzzle.
Piece - by - piece.
It is as though our kite strings snapped and now I’m holding them both as the separate winds tear me in two.
I’m breaking.
And so now I’m just here,
Alone.
Watching replays of us in my room until I realize whats missing:

*I've lost all my teeth and yet now your smile seems twice as big.

I write til my thoughts and body grow weak.
You’re tired, they say.
No… no but alas, I am free- And with feeble eyes, I sleep.

I made a promise to a girl I once met,
Her fearful stutter revealing such challenge to be brought.

In her mind she could see the result,
And eyes like projectors I too saw what she knew.

"Never let me leave, never let me run, just never let go…"

We had only just begun and yet with assurance it quivered,
I Promise.

Yet here I stand, left with an empty hand.
Tracing the foot steps:
The half “toe-heal” running prints back to where she no longer stands.

I can see the waters in your eyes,
The ocean of sadness that keeps you afloat.

I can hear the air in your voice,
The winds of weakness stretching til it snaps.

I can taste the fire on your lips,
The flames of desire quickly fading overnight.

I can feel the earth in your heart,
The soil of life turning to stone under the weight.

And I can smell the salt in your tears,
That fall from the ocean within you+

My senses notice the elements that cause this sedimentary heart to feel hope++
Sacrifice to stay alive- don’t let your waters run dry.

_____________
+Passing through the broken wind, putting out your fire; only to water the soil before it’s gone.
++Hope that your ending will be better.