A fleeting moment gone too far;

Silence.

The three words come out and — vulnerability.

And the silence comes again.

Right. I said.

But how does it feel?* She begged once more.

L̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶i̶p̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶h̶o̶t̶ ̶t̶e̶a̶,̶
W̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶h̶a̶s̶ ̶f̶i̶n̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶b̶e̶g̶a̶n̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶c̶o̶o̶l̶.̶

L̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶e̶m̶b̶r̶a̶n̶c̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶m̶e̶m̶o̶r̶y̶,̶
T̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶l̶a̶u̶g̶h̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶c̶r̶o̶w̶d̶ ̶u̶n̶k̶n̶o̶w̶n̶.̶

L̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶s̶i̶t̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶r̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶,̶
W̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶w̶a̶r̶m̶,̶ ̶q̶u̶i̶e̶t̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶n̶o̶ ̶p̶l̶a̶c̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶.̶

L̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶m̶o̶m̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶f̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶h̶o̶b̶b̶y̶,̶
T̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶l̶o̶s̶e̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶i̶t̶y̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶.̶

L̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶s̶c̶a̶r̶e̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶,̶
T̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶e̶x̶a̶c̶t̶ ̶p̶o̶i̶n̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶a̶l̶i̶v̶e̶.̶

Those were the thoughts of feelings that could compare,
But I kept them to myself because in summary, or simplicity rather, it truly is;

*Right.

My bed smells of you.

The aroma of today’s faint memories;
Your face,
Those lips.

Lying here now dozing in and out of reality,
the dreams become more real than the memories seem to be.

I’m reaching for you in my thoughts-
Inhaling your remains til the day you share this empty place in my bed for good.

Removing the mask you bear,
The one painted in sadness and doubt.
Removing this cover we find another.

This middle layer (the second lie)
is the mask of fake smiles most people wear.
No one can really smile that long,
So we must lift once more and cinch our eyes.

Beneath this second film cover we find the human you are.
The person you have only let a total of two people see.
I, being one of the few, have only been graced on the rarest occasions.

Most people only wear one mask,to hide the pain.
But you, you wear two: for hiding the pain then hiding the fake joy.
Its clever, believable, unique, and a mistake.

For only you would need two extra layers to hide how extraordinary you really are.

I want to see the rough drafts of your life,
the ones that reside on the floor after missing our casket of waste.
I want to see the erasing, the changed proportions, the skeletal grid.
Cause the resulting finish is beautiful; you’ve mastered a technique.

Maybe I want to feel closer,
with a secret for thine only.
Or maybe I just want that importance,
with trust I would truly come to believe.

It’s only a peak I am viewing.
All else is six feet deep.
But it’s that peak of the iceberg that I love
over the entirety of any other.

I do not know what lies in heaven,
nor what our deaths may bring.
All questions may be revealed,
or grow unanswered in fresh new trees.
But disregarding my faith; despite all your beliefs:

This one I want from you, not omniscient Him

I can feel the pounding on my heart get heavy

What feels like pain to my unconscious is merely the act of resuscitation.

For I’m choking on a pit I've swallowed in trying to replace the one in my stomach.
I’m dying and I don’t even know it.

In through the nose.
And out through the mouth.
The lungs stay the same, but the air-
The air is thinning.

If we knew we could use up all the oxygen,
would we breathe any faster?
If we knew you wouldn't wake up tomorrow,
would we go to bed sooner?

We want to tell the world yes,
but we we’d be lying to ourselves.
So why do we lie? Why can’t we just realize we want help,
And not the end.
For ending the misery is not the proper trade.

Once more through the nose.
Again out the mouth.
We mustn't plan our goodbyes.
Fill the lungs, lower the chest.

Inhale… The End.