I thought I was doing ok

I thought the weight was lifting

But there’s a roaring in my ears


And I’m falling back under.

I spent so long feeling sad
That when you came along
And filled me head to toe with your love
I felt so much happiness
And I just didn’t know what to do with it

I'll let you hurt me today
If I get to keep you tomorrow

It’s crazy to think all the dreams I once had
All the places I wanted to go
All the lives I wanted to change
It was not fame I wanted but acknowledgement
But a wide audience is the only evidence of success
And now
Well,
I still desire acknowledgement
But only from one person
Only from you

It was with love, that he threw her across the bed
It was with love, that he cracked her head on the wall
It was with love, that he choked her til she cried
It was with love, that he cut her with shards from the broken wine glass
It was with love, that he took her when she told him no
It was with love, that he put in her a baby she did not want
It was without choice, that she took 57 pills with a glass of wine

You are my sun
In the pit of the ocean that I am drowning
You are my source of happiness
My light
Bringing me to surface

When I got my GCSEs
They said I was lucky
When I got into uni
They said I was lucky
When the doctors got to me just in time
They said I was lucky
When I met you
I knew it was luck
And now
I’m running out of luck
And you’re leaving me
I wonder what they’ll say now

How is it
That I love him
Completely
Yet when the moon is bright
I think of you still

People will often explain feelings of confusion as feeling helpless
But helplessness is watching your mothers husband beat her til she bleeds
So help me now
For that's all I can see

Sometimes
The daydream of desired second chances
Is easier on the soul
Than accepting
That you’re lost in the heart of someone
With their mind on another