My eyes are blue.
Black and blue.
My skin is pale white with freckles.
Freckles of blood spatter that reached my face.
The red and blue go really well together.
Maybe I should redye my hair red.
Red like the blood that once belonged to someone of importance.
It was his fault he came onto me.
So I took my knife and I taught him a lesson.
1: don’t take what isn’t yours
2: say please and thank you
3: no means no
4: hands to yourself
5: if you don’t fix your mistake you die.
He died. I had to teach him over and over again.
10 for each lesson. Just so it really stuck with him.
Hopefully he received the message if not the police will find all my hidden clues. And if I’m lucky they’ll find me. I’ll tell them everything.
Like the good little girl my daddy raised me to be.
Smile and widen your eyes and tilt your head and speak soft and sweet.
Be who they want you to be during the day, so you can be who you want to be at night.
You can be the murderess you were meant to become. Or you can just blow off some steam. But don’t leave a mess now or you’ll definitely get caught. But you can’t leave nothing behind so leave them something to work with.
You’re the riddle they’re trying to figure out so make the riddle worth understanding.
My riddle is complicated because I want it to be. Because I was born to be complicated.
Nothing can stop me if I put my mind to it.
So sleep tight knowing everything’s going to be safe.
If only he had followed the rules my eyes would just be blue and my skin would just be a pale white with natural freckles not blood speckles.
But he tried to take a part of me that took so long for me to recover and I couldn’t let him get away with what he’d done.
So all the bloods on him.
He chose this path.
I just helped end it.

It was never about the money for me.
I loved you.
You are my sister.
Money isn’t my problem even if I’m struggling.
Because money isn't everything.
Love is something,
Friends and family,
That’s what matters to me.

What words are we supposed to say or write?
The ones we feel or the ones we're taught.
Wait feelings don't matter when it comes to writing.
Who am I kidding.
The world wants us to write about things that are fun and joyful.
But what if you simply can't think of words for such things.
The words I'm feeling and wanting to say are different then the ones everyone wants to hear.
Should I just give in and tell them what they want to hear?
No matter how hard I try,
I can't.
I want to write the words that I feel.
The ones that make me feel.
The ones that make other people feel.
So I'll write the words of my own desire,
No matter how sad or dreadful.
They're my words.
My words.

I'm not scared of the dark,
I am not afraid to die.
But darling I'm terrified.
I'm scared of the voices in my head.
I'm scared of the shadows behind my bed.
I'm scared of the living.
Darling life is a ginormous horror show.
I hope you aren't scared.
Cause you have a long way to go till you can be rid of living and the horrors that accompany it.
Darling never be like me.
Please never live in fear.
Don't be scared.
Don't be scared.
Don't be scared of the living.
Just please don't be scared like me.
Don’t be afraid to live.
Cause darling,
I'm always scared.

It's quiet.
Real quiet.
I'm up in the clouds,
hair tangled in the grass,
Feet stuck to the ground.
I want It to always be like this.
Instead of the sound of swords slicing through the air trying to scratch or stab the person on the other end.
I like the quiet place.
My mind drifts and I see things.
Happy things.
I hate waking up sometimes cause I realize it's always a dream.
I just want the world to be quiet.
I don't want anymore swords slashing.
Please just let me be safe,
In the sweet sound of silence.
The louder they get the quieter I am.
I'm starting to get real quiet now.
What can I say?
What can I do?
Nothing.
So I'll just keep my head in the dirt with new words swimming through my head.
Aching for the quiet.
Waiting for the war to end.
So with my head laying down and my feet on the ground I close my eyes and sing for silence and listen to the winds music letting myself go.
It's real quiet now.
I plant my arms on the ground hands facing down and breathe in the air.
It's quiet, real quiet.
Now I can drift away into another world where my worries are nonexistent and I'm just a little speck of a sparkle in the sky.
Shining and singing the song of silence.

Love,
A four letter word.
Fear,
Another four letter word.
They join hand in hand,
Breathe and live
The same.

Love is fear,
And fear is love.

You cannot love without fear,
Or fear without love,
If that were to happen,
Life would be simply be unbalanced,
Like a tipping scale.

Fear can make love,
Like love can make fear.
They're hands are joined.
Together.
Forever.
Till the end of time.

It’s not easy you know.
Sometimes it feels like there’s a weight,
It continues to weigh me down.

All those little hopes and dreams,
Fly away like a vulture.

It has never been easy,
With the overwhelming sense of anxiety creeping up behind me.
It *****.

Time and time again,
I despise that look of disappointment and regret,
They leer over my shoulder every **** day,
hoping to catch every little mistake.

Those tiny things that we have no control over,
Drive me insane.

I can’t handle not knowing or controlling something.

I go mad at the thought of imperfection,
Even though I know that perfection…
Is only a fairytale.

But that doesn’t change the fact that every time I do something,
My mind goes into a frenzy of cynicism.

It’s not easy ya know,
Trying to carry that weight on my shoulder.