The new year will start with a sigh and smile.
Tears running down my face,
Saying we made it.
Over a year clean,
Being a survivor instead of living as a forever victim,
Proud of the growth and changes I’ve made.
Looking back I wouldn’t do a single thing differently.
I’ve started to grow into the woman I deserve to be and learned to heal me and my inner child when all I wanna do is give up.
I learned to love harder,
Be stronger,
And most importantly have faith.
This new year I shed the skin of the old me like a snakes sheds their skin and rejoice in a new light feeling free and warm.
Everything doesn’t have to be ok for me to learn how to live in peace.
Sometimes we thrive and learn to evolve while fighting in the trenches.
We discover what really matters.
To me what matters is my family,
Our health,
Our commitment to one another,
And our love that’s never ending.
This new year I celebrate not just me changing with the tides as they roll towards us but also me learning to move with them.
We can only set ourselves free,
Then we feel the calmness of the waves slowing to match our heartbeat.
This new year I will show the new me and be proud of the progress I’ve made,
The battles I’ve won,
And the tears I’ve shed.
Because all of tat has helped me to understand that no matter how long or short our lives are the only thing we truly have control over is ourselves and how we move the puzzle pieces around to find our place in the world.
My place is in the words I write,
The love I give,
The journey I’ve taken.
So as the new year approaches I pray that each step brings more calmness into my heart and mind so that the me I deserve to be can shine.
It’s gunna be a new year,
And I intend to be a better and new version of myself.
No longer will I wallow and hide,
Instead I’ll come out from under the table and allow myself to feel and process and learn to accept what I’ve been given and use my words to express myself in every way.
My words and life are enough.
So here’s to a new beginning of self acceptance and self discovery.
May we all come out the other side filled with peace and love and happiness for what we have.
Happy new year from my family to yours.

They say every 7 years
Your skin regenerates.
So why do I still feel the remnants of his touch?
It doesn’t matter how long it’s been,
Every day,
Every hour,
Every second,
I feel his touch. 
I remember the shame,
The pain,
The blame…
No time goes by when I don’t suffer the consequences of his sick sins.
Why me?
I lost something so early,
And I didn’t even know I could say NO!
Or to even speak to someone,
I was forever that scared little girl with no voice.
But not anymore.
That girl grew up.
Yes I still feel his fingertips on my skin,
His breath hovering over me,
I feel the phantom pains of his abuse. 
But I’ve been afraid for too long.
No more.
My voice matters.
I can’t change what he did to me,
For years,
My whole childhood gone,
Scared into silence.
I didn’t know I had worth,
But I do.
So it’s time to heal.
If only it were as easy to do as it is to say. 
It doesn't mean I wont still feel the ghost of him surrounding me,
Or have the constant reminder.
But maybe,
Just maybe,
It’ll get better.
I’m learning my worth,
I’m learning my strength,
I’m learning how to use my voice.
Nothing can take that away,
Not anymore.
I refuse to live in fear forever.
So I’ll learn how to live my life the way I wish and always dreamed I could.
I’ll find the small joys in life again.
Because what he did doesn’t define who I am.
I’m not a scared child with no idea how to use my voice or the power behind it. 
So now I’ll scream from the rooftops,
I’m a brave, strong person.
I’m a survivor. 
I’m alive,
And I’ll learn how to be ok.

I may be a bit out there but at least I’m honest.
I don’t hurt on purpose.
I don’t steal.
But I was there for you.
Dumb, mostly me for believing you.
I would’ve done anything,
But you went too far,
Too many times.
So I’m done.
Done with you and your wack attitude.
Blaming everyone for your problems instead of trying to change them.
I’m healing.
I was there for the last time cause you thought I wouldn’t catch you in your scam or manipulation.
I’m good girl.
Live your life,
I’ll live mine.
I can finally be happy nothings messing with my life anymore unless I choose it.
So goodbye,
go pull your tricks but leave me out of it.
I’m out, peace.

I’m terrible.
Quite frankly I hate myself.
I just wish I wouldn’t wake up most mornings.
But alas I’m here.
What’s my point?
I’m nobody…
Who would really miss the **** I put everyone through.
They deserve a break.
But I’m here,
Just sad.

My head spins in circles,
Confused,
Scared,
Angry,
Tired.
I just wanna be ok.
It hurts just to wake up and keep going everyday.
I just wish I could finally be ok.
Not in my head and free of the intrusive thought always racking my brain.
I just wanna feel worthy.
But I don’t.
I just wanna be ok.

Here I go,
Feeling lonely again.
Trying to stay out of the dark part of my subconscious.
It’s so hard,
Trying to stay sane.
I’m just so tired of it all.