I remember the night you swore to the god you don't believe in that you didn't love me anymore.
The way your brown eyes morphed into a deep pitch black.
Blacker that our sorrowful souls combined.
I didn't think I'd ever hear those words.
But they crawled from my ears into my barely beating heart.
Stabbing every inch of it, naturally tearing it apart.
You see, we could have had it all but, the the god forsaken demons came back.
They crawled back into your mind..
and filled it like the the tears filling my small round eyes.
I almost drowned in the ocean of emotion.
You were no longer my lifeline.
And you swear you're fine.
Oh how you repeat it, that you're getting by.
I write and write every miserable thought.
My pages filling up like the darkness filled the sky as the days turned into nights.
Woe is me, woe is me.
I repeat those words so miserably.
The thoughts of losing the only thing I had choked me.
The thoughts wrapped their evil around my neck.
But the noose I'm making is going to be a lot tighter.
As my love grew deeper, my heart grew lighter.
Losing feeling, losing it's rhythm.
I wrote and wrote until I ran out of ink.
Now I'll make my way to the bathroom sink.
I'll peck and scratch at my skin.
I'll peck and scratch at the thoughts that I think.
My black ballpoint pen became my red ballpoint pen.
And I now continue to write again.
Eventually I'll run out of pages.
Oh my soft tan skin will make a beautiful canvas.
I ask and ask if you're absolutely certain that you don't need me.
And the answer remains the same.
You don't need me.
You don't need this.
So I scrapped together every memory, every kiss.
Oh the sweet bliss of pretending they stayed in place.
My love.
But the thing is, you're not mine.
Love.

There are millions and millions of people on the planet.
Every day another is born, another is gone.
We're surrounded by not only people, but our environment.
The bright sun in our eyes, the sound of voices and traffic out in the streets, the pretty flowers we never take time to smell, and the city lights that are on every night, shining as bright as the moon and stars above us.
If I ask you to name every single thing you've seen around you, you wouldn't be able to count them all on your fingers.
We live our life day by day, many live in a routine, stuck in a never ending cycle.
Try and try to count the hello's, the goodbye's, all the faces you've seen.
Day by day by day.
We're surrounded by so much.
We're surrounded by a world full of creatures, beauty, and horrors.
But then..

why do I still feel so alone in a world that is so crowded?

The bag under her eyes carry far much more than the sense of weariness.
They carry all the poor dear has ever seen.
Broken promises, empty dreams.
Nothing is ever as good as they seem.

I can't sleep.
The voices in my head overwhelm me.
The images in my mind are something no person should see.

I can't sleep.
The wrongs I've done come back to haunt me.
I'm never right and I never will be.

I can't sleep in my own bed.
The loneliness fills my severely empty head.
The thoughts that lurk within me scream "You're better off dead."

I can't sleep.

I can't seem to grasp the fact that the world in fact is an ugly place.
We live in a world where suicide is an easier way out than being yourself.
We live in a world where kids have adult minds.
We live in a world where no one is utterly happy.

We live in a world where no one seems to understand the idea of being kind.
The world from afar is such a beautiful thing.
Yet close up, face to face with one another, everything is far much unappealing.

We live in a world where war is an option to obtain peace.
We live in a world where our leaders keep secrets from the public.
We live in a world where women cannot go outside without being harassed.
We live in a world where homosexuality is seldom accepted.

Why is it that as human beings, instead of helping our own kind, we turn our backs to one another.
One day you people will see the error of your ways.
One day you people will see the pain you've inflicted on not only others but a prolonged pain on yourselves.

But for now I'll continue to sit back and watch the planet wither. Slowly but surely.

And I just don't understand.

The past is a funny thing, the way it comes back unexpected.
Reminding you of who you lost, what you lost, and all you've protected.
I spent the last couple of years throwing it all away, in hope that it would bring a better day.
Old love, old faces, new love, new places.
Hateful foes and friends that never made it to the end.
It all comes together, but who knew such things would only cause me to get hurt.
Today I am a happy girl, yet I still live in this hateful world.
The pain is still present in my torn heart.
It comes back every now and then just to tear me apart.
The feeling burns on the very inside.

This is when the good and the bad finally collide.