I wish i could turn my emotions off.
I wish to never feel the same pain again even if its a turnoff

I wish i didnt feel.
But i guess that wasn't the deal.

I wish i could flip a switch inside me
All i see is a monster living inside of me

A switch that would make everyhthing and anything stop hurting
But instead i feel that ppl are being burdened

I wish i cared less- i wish i loved less
I wish i wasn't depressed

I wish we could love wi th out the aftermath.
Even if we're together till death

I wish we could love with no consequences with no heart stiffness
Hopefully thtis time there will be a difference

-Not A Poet-Just Struggling

Im tired of the cycle
Im tired of how easily giving into it is

Im tired of the tremendous effort ive done.
Yet there was no progress done.
There was no use of it. In a glimpse it was all gone

All gone it even disappeared
All gone and darkness appeared

Gone down the drain it all went .
They say live ur life , u will miss out!!
Miss out? Miss out on what?
Miss out on Pain?  Miss out on being Drained? Miss out on being Stuck in pitch black view?
In the darkness i drew

A tiny beam of light pulled me out
But it turned what almost became Gray  innto Vantablack
And just like that i was back

I was back to where i started
The exact same pain that came when dating started

I wish this beam of light never came
I wish i never met it
I wish i never knew it
I wish i stayed away
I wish it never begun

I tried  and I tried
I promise inside i died

But they say what is life with no pain.
But is it really worth it ?
when ur name becomes pain?

-Not A Poet - Just Struggling

He wanted another trial
I wanted it too but i was left with denial

He built our future brick by brick
I wished to be struck by each one of these  bricks

When did he become such a d*ck
Blaming, cursing  and guilt tripping real quick?
The halo i used to see no longer appears to be instead i see lies all over him it drips

He said give us a chance give us one more shot
I found my self at the bar begging for one more shot

He said trust me lead with ur heart not ur mind and u'll find the key to us. Together till were out of breath
Yet i lost the key to myslef ,smoking  till i was out of breath

I no longer search for keys i no longer look for the greenest trees
Im just passing time till god do me apart as to feel at ease

-Not A Poet-Just Struggling

For the first time in a decade
I felt seen
I felt held
His warmth takes my darkest thoughts away.
He held me close as i try to get away
I want to stay
But i just felt too much of a betray

I got overwhelmed and scared
Not because i dont want to
But because again i'm scared  

His warmth made me hang on a little bit longer than i desired
Is it only because i felt admired?
Or maybe because its been slong time since i wanted life to be a desire

Is this temporary?
Would this go down in flames  
Would this fade away?
All i see are traitors  on the way.
Forgive me if i pull away
Forgive me if i don't stay

I want to be with u and be held again maybe a little longer this time.
Maybe consider it as a goodbye for the last time?
I promise i wasnt born like this
I was built brick by brick to be like this

Guarded like a vault
I promise its not my fault.

If i let my guard down would u vow to stay?
I promise u this time i won't hide my emotions i'll display.

i want u to fulfill this condition
never i to be abandoned
nor to be left stranded

This is my last trial
And if  if it backfires
I will finally let go as i desire

-Not A Poet-Just Struggling

They feel a splinter of wood
I see a blood bath all over mee never good

Sunshine They see the rays of it
In pitch black darkness I tried for days to see one ray of it

Empitness is all i feel
It consumes all of me

Am i the bad in the good? Or the only good in the bad?
Well goodluck explaining this to my dad
Is that why he's always mad?

A reflection of him is seen when he stares at me ?
He's the reason why i've come to this so why blame me?

I'm his shadow monster
I compare myslef to a useless firey dumpster
He lits it with his words .

one scentance and it's gone
I've scenetnced my heart to be gone

Never to feel again the same pain that it draws
I try to color it
But all my colors are gone
All i am left with is black and white

The white is invisible
The black is what i show, it's not permissible

Im glad i try to go with the flow
But i relate to no one to be able to flow

They say uniqueness is good its bold
I tried to see it as if its true because that's what ive been told

-Not A Poet-Just Struggling

When will this end?
When will it become to an end ?
No warning  was given i even was dread
Can we go back
when darkness was non existent
When sunshine was all what presisted.

When will it end?
When will it become to an end?

Yrs spent on the lie that was said
Time heals i laughed till i was dread

Sprinting wishing i could catch time before it went .
Yet i didn't move

Venturing again and agian
And here in denial i began
like a quick sand it swallowed me
It took all of me
When will it end?
My heart took every single type of bent

When will it end?
was it all a lie
was it all pretened?

When will it end?
Will it ever even end?

-Not A Poet-Just Struggling