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LJ Apr 2021
Uh oh,
I've been talking to this girl
Everything she says
Makes the butterflies twirl
Uh oh,
Her hand's resting on my thigh
Another soft touch from her
And I just might die
Uh oh,
I'm falling into love again
But I've seen this before,
And I know how it ends.
LJ Jun 2021
Dear father,

I understand you believe what you were raised to believe.
You grew up in a time that a man who loved another man would never be acceptable.
You grew up in a time that what you were born with is what you would keep.
And I grew up in a time that said:
"Be yourself."
And that's who I'm trying to be.
Your insults are daggers to my already broken heart, and your glare an icy spear...
But one day, I can only home that you welcome me with open arms, the same arms you have comforted me with many times before, and say:
"Welcome home, son."
Until the day my father welcomes me home as his son, it will only he a house.
LJ May 2021
When the hospital was my home
People cared
People gave me gifts
Apologized
Told me how much I mattered
When the hospital was my home
People were there
People said hi
Noticed me
Recognized their mistakes
Now that home is my house
The darkness
Blends nicely with the loneliness
A nice collage
Of depression
Now that home is just a house
Nobody cares
LJ Jun 2021
Only when the sun rises can I fall asleep
And the sun looking in
Through cracked windows
Tells me to sleep, but it's day, so why sleep?
But at night, I can't rest
So I might as well squeeze some in
Sleep through the days
Cry through the nights
Sleep when the moon
Finally says goodbye
Talking with the moon
All through the night
And only when it sleeps
Can I do the same
Goodnight moon
Until next time
LJ May 2021
"See you tomorrow!"
And it was fun
And I smiled
Until I caught myself smiling
Smiling at my phone like an idiot

And then my smile fell
LJ Jul 2021
I knocked on the door lightly. I obviously got no answer… I don’t know what I was expecting. I opened the door and squeezed in, shutting it just as quickly and quietly as I had opened it.

The room felt duller than usual… I couldn’t tell if it was because of the weather, the boring colors, or the aura of a patient waiting to die.

He was looking out the window. The weather was cold, and the skyline had been invisible, thanks to fog. It was rainy. People ran through the storm to their cars below us. The windows had been covered in rain, and all you could here was the steady beat of the heart monitor and the rain pouring outside. It smelled like hand sanitizer and lies. A shiver crawled down my spine just being in here for 5 seconds… I wonder what it has done to him for 5 months.

I hadn’t seen him for years. I wasn’t exactly ready for this confrontation, but it had to happen. I knew that. If I ever wanted to move on in my life, I had to see him again.

His brown hair was messy and fell over his eyes. The light from outside had a soft gray glow reflecting onto his pale face, making him look ghostlier than ever. His skinny, underweight arms were resting on his stomach, and his green eyes had a dark tint on the skin under them.

Seeing him like this just made it more obvious why he was here in the first place. He didn’t sleep, he didn’t eat, he didn’t drink… he made himself sick. His bony fingers tapped on his hand anxiously. He turned to face me. His face looked dreary, and he looked sad in general. I gulped and widened my eyes, not ready for his icy stare when he looked like this.

He sighed and I relaxed my face, calmed down as soon as he wasn’t staring at me.

“Why are you here?” he asked me.
LJ Oct 2021
You deserve something so much grander than Earth
You deserve stars delivered at your doorstep
The moon planted in your yard
You deserve the universe
And one day,
I'm gonna be the one to give it to you
I promise you the universe
I promise you stars
I promise you the moon
Just stay with me a little longer
LJ Apr 2021
Laying my head
On your shoulder
Your head resting gently
On mine
You kiss my forehead
Stop that
I am not yours to kiss
But it felt nice
When you moved your fingers
From the side of my cheek
And allowed them to wander on my neck
Dancing across the skin
And when you put your hand back on my thigh
I still felt the tingling feeling
On my neck
And God
I am falling in love with you again
But I will not give in
Because what you are doing is not fair
You don't love me
And I am not supposed to love you
It's not fair
Don't touch me again
But please
Please God
Please keep touching me
LJ Jun 2021
You're stressed
And you've no trust left
And your face never shows
Emotion

But underneath all that
You let me in
And for that
I'm grateful

But when you opened that door
I saw the room
And it was beautiful
But poorly taken care of

And when you treated me well
Though you've been through hell
I couldn't do anything
But think

You deserve
So much better
Than the life
You've been given.
LJ Jun 2021
The little things remind my grandparents
Of when my mom was little

Like how when we go on the speedboat
I sit at the very front
And watch the water pass by
"You look just like your mom"
They tell me

Or how whenever I pick up an instrument
And play a tune
They smile
"You're your mother's child"
They tell me

Or how
When I'm scared
I make sure no one else
Feels the same
I get it from my momma

All this strength
That's all her
LJ May 2021
Your name I screamed as I opened the door
Your name I cried when I found your body
Your name I  whimpered as I called the ambulance
Your name I whispered as they took your body away
Your name I breathed as I sat on your bed, alone.

— The End —