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70 · Apr 2021
Uh Oh
LJ Apr 2021
Uh oh,
I've been talking to this girl
Everything she says
Makes the butterflies twirl
Uh oh,
Her hand's resting on my thigh
Another soft touch from her
And I just might die
Uh oh,
I'm falling into love again
But I've seen this before,
And I know how it ends.
70 · Jul 2021
After All This Time
LJ Jul 2021
“Did they forget yours, too?”

He looked at me for a second before sitting next to me on the cold bench. “My birthday?” He shook his head. “Nah, I didn’t tell anyone.”

We sat like that for a moment, the only noise being from the cold October breeze. “Oh.”

We enjoyed the comfortable silence for a moment before he spoke up again. “Birthday's aren’t fun without you, anyways.”

I froze, not expecting him to say anything like that. I looked at him. “What?”

He looked me in the eye and spoke softly. “You mean a lot to me, so don’t go spending important days like these alone. I want to be by your side, just like you were by mine. Is that okay?”

Looking at him now, on the old bench my grandfather made, I was reminded of when we were younger. Even before all this ****, he was here.

His hands were a lot rougher now, his hair a bit grayer, but after all this time, he’s here.

“Yeah…” I said after a moment of silence. “Yeah, I’d quite like that, actually.”
70 · Jun 2021
The Strings On My Guitar
LJ Jun 2021
The strings on the guitar
Are so close to snapping
Though, I unfortunately
Have to tune it up
Every time I twist the ****
It inches closer
And closer
And eventually it will snap

I'm never touching it again
I'm too scared to break it
...well, I will touch it...
The temptation is too strong...

But every strum, I will wince
69 · May 2021
Whoops
LJ May 2021
"See you tomorrow!"
And it was fun
And I smiled
Until I caught myself smiling
Smiling at my phone like an idiot

And then my smile fell
69 · Jun 2021
A Note Would've Been Nice
LJ Jun 2021
I don't know why
You left me
Without saying goodbye
But maybe
It's my fault you ran
It always is
Bury my head in sand
It's never his
I'm just a bit embarrassed
Don't worry, dear
But, in all fairness
You're never here
You left me with no road home
No reason to try
You left me feeling lost and alone
All I could do was cry

I'm not saying it's all your fault,
My burn just needs some ice,
But to pour on wounds some salt,
A note would've been nice.
LJ Jun 2021
The little things remind my grandparents
Of when my mom was little

Like how when we go on the speedboat
I sit at the very front
And watch the water pass by
"You look just like your mom"
They tell me

Or how whenever I pick up an instrument
And play a tune
They smile
"You're your mother's child"
They tell me

Or how
When I'm scared
I make sure no one else
Feels the same
I get it from my momma

All this strength
That's all her
LJ Jul 2021
It was 11:43 pm.
The street was quiet,
And the streetlights were the only thing allowing us to see each other.

His uniform looked damaged,
His eyes looked droopy,
And his hair looked gray.

The officer who came to my house in the middle of the night to check on me.
He got on his knees,
Got down to my level,
And placed a hand on my shoulder.

What's crazy is he encouraged me to do something illegal.
"Sir. All my life I have wanted to graffiti a building."
And he chuckled...
A warm and melodic sound in the quiet of the neighborhood...

"Then you can't die until you do it, huh?"

And I agreed.
Because he was called to check on me...
Because I was at a dark place in my life.
And he said quietly...

"There have been a lot of suicides in this county... and I have seen every one of them."

And I knew what he meant.
So I nodded.
And he stood up, told me and my mother goodnight, and went on his way.

And that officer will never know the impact he had on my life.

But I'll thank him anyways.
66 · Jul 2021
Good Person
LJ Jul 2021
I'm a good person
I'm kind to everyone
Even though I've been hurt
So many times

I'm a good person
I'm trying my best
Even if my best
Will never be good enough

I'm a good person
I help where I can
At the cost of my own feelings
I'll help someone else

I'm a good person
I'm losing good weight
Eating so little
To make my body appealing to your eyes

I'm a good person
I'm doing so much
Just waking up in the morning
I'm trying to help

Am I good person?
I realize I try to help
But will I ever make
Someone's life better?
64 · Jul 2021
Impact
LJ Jul 2021
It's not a matter of when I will die,
It's not a matter of how I will die,
It's not even a matter of why I'll die.
It's a matter of...
"Will anyone care?"
"Will I have left a dent on the Earth?"
"Will I have mattered?"
"Will I have changed someone's life?"
And if I can't answer those questions...
Then maybe...

I don't wanna die yet.
64 · Jun 2021
I'm Just Glass
LJ Jun 2021
It's like you were an alcoholic
And I was just another empty bottle
60 · Jun 2021
Beauty is Pain
LJ Jun 2021
I've lost my appetite
I mean
Sure, my stomach sounds
As if it is screaming for me to get up
And get some food
But when I actually get that food
Then what?
I raise the fork to my lips
And try not to hurl
And ****
How good it feels
This emptiness
Satisfies me
The crying
Calms me
The diet
Flattens me

Besides
They say
"Beauty is Pain"

— The End —