i remember now, it was by the tree that i found the fallen star. I saw it from my window as i lay waiting for sleep to visit, the moon was full to the brim that night. Spilling lucid light onto the landscape adding highlights to the dales and lowlights to the fields of tea.

The fallen star was still warm, i hoped i could save it. So i climbed the tree with the star tucked in my jacket pocket. Limb over limb till i sat on the crown, ready to call the route for the fallen star to go home.

That is when it began to talk.

"I am here, to make sure you know there is only one thing

that will stop you.

It’s in plain sight but hidden under a mask,

your best friend who will ask you to make amends.

Under the rocks into the caves it’s a farce it’s a maze. So all you have to do is ask and you’ll find your way home”

and with that the fallen star fell.

the exit is in reverse , the starting of the verse, the myth , the beat the silent snare,

paat at……paat at………..familiar waves , notions of toils

un wound to find nothing but a wonder.

But a wonder, a wondering, wondering star

far from home yet not so far,

close enough to feel, footsteps arrive at dawn,

forlorn sits the shaman,

that’s where we are we are the wondering star

the traveling star whilst sitting down.
Perpetual movement..

TO FEEL THE WONDER IS THE WONDER FOR FREE

yet it seems that in these lives..
THERE IS NOTHING THAT IS THERE ... all but perceptions , perceptive chance that may so happen to cross , with yours or the ants or the bees


THERE IS  NO THING THAT is free,
but there is exchange.

what i did to cope with 5 peoples emotional overload


Here i sat , thinking i had dealt all my blows on this fatigued mind ,
worn down by the strains of family inconsistent values
of selfish values
and here i sat , thinking it was me - who was the trouble child ,

here i sat , thinking it was me who had healed herself time and time again ,
here i sat thinking i was done with the past heartache and headaches and whatever aches
oh...i thought...dang...

i saw in slow motion - as my mother began to talk once more about the past’s difficult trenches , the war in the living room .

the tears from a father figure at christmas on his knees begging for redemption ,
a child on the stairs
a tree without presents and i see the wall slowly come up
the obscure orange fog ,
cloud that segment of my minds garden


i had never noticed the metaphysical manifestation

that was what it took from me,
( through no fault , who’s to blame , we could spend hours and hours pointing fingers walking , the maze’s circles only to end up at the starts end, and it wouldn’t matter anyway ... )

but what i now see , what it took from me -
to pick up where the so called parents had failed ,
       and fallen ,

both self absorbed ,

       play the kids against each other , subliminal messages of

“your father did this..” oh but no “ your mother was this...”

pity at their own wounds , licking them like kittens , nursing the pain , moving on without looking at their damage because it’s easier

it took from me , to block all of my mothers emotions to mother my siblings
her manic depression , her answer for a partner , her go to call
me - who else could she pour blame onto when , she knew **** well
there was no one but her to blame, and it’s not without knowing that her life hasn’t exactly been rose fields of sunshine hues - her self only healing now too..

but it doesn’t excuse .


and now - finally - finally i see - and i stand at a distance replaying the scenes in my head
shouting how could you let this happen? how could you let me get so empty, and say nothing. how could you let this ice cold diamond heart form and not notice? And even worse, still talk about yourself?!


i guess , that’s just what happens when you feel too much , and you care too much , and when you love with such ferocity it rips through all ******* to the things that matter and that to me, was everyone else’s sanity. Because i’m rational enough to have understood that if i didn’t no one else would -

what i did to cope with 5 peoples emotional overload

it took for me to build a protection shield around my emotions and to bite the bullet as it came hurtling towards me and now do i SEE those defenses after having distilled my mind with meditational forces

,and man , i just want to tell my younger self , you’ll be alright baby , you’ll make it - you don’t need to , it’s just their discontentment at their own judgment ,

~~~


i recall having exams at school and doing the weekly shop because no one had gone shopping, the school calling me up and saying they’d hold them for later , so i could get my qualifications

i recall the smashed doors and recall the screams and the police and i recall little else in vivid detail ,

But i think the worst part , is looking at the ramifications on my siblings and i
yes , it’s made us strong and people who won’t back down at fighting for the truth , and fighting for the heart

but , it’s made us fragile and frail in our convictions and for me , the worst part is how i took on their hate

i know i’m not bad , but it’s when those voices keep saying :

you still are not good enough to deserve whatever the **** it is you want

and i thought i had banished those creatures , turns out , my mind isn’t infinite
i had a feeling ,
near infinity is as close as it gets
and eventually what you throw out will come back.

beat waves , beach haze

beat drips , in slaves mouths as they thank the rich for their gift of tapped water

and tapped shoes on tapping feet dancing not to entertain but to save their skins from narrow , harrow mishap and they know , if they make it out of there alive they’ll never go back

not now , not ever.

not now , never .

not now .


not now ...
not now...

not now....
then when?...

when , were they,  there
and where were they there..

who  - . ? (owls)

who sat upon drinking mats and dancing streets who ate with their shoes at their feet?
who licked up their milk , who danced with starlight naked with no more gilt then guilt
and shame to beneficiours name and thankful legend doth save mankinds *** - once again.

and you tell me i shouldn’t be writing stories and tales
and bed time nightmares
wait till i get dark -

MOON.

is the name.  winks

i am not the moon , no ,  but i am a faucet of moon’s taste and moon’s style her failures and her virtues , if it’s easier for you , i am moon personified...

hovers slightly

i once read somewhere - love is  metaphysical gravity -

i’ve never heard anything more scientifically accurate.

Lips lock - the poppers drop
one by one , zip slide ,
electric skin , carnvicours sins - some would deem un worldly
well - i wouldn’t put it past yourself
it’s only in the shadows of days death ,

the night time arena
many a metaphysical friend and maybe a few foes

Life , knows....

Maybe that’s who we should start with eh , noob?

Life? His house is over there.

Take my hand -

See , down below - we have the lands of El Salvador

and here , is Papua ,

Look Svalbard....and the elves are having a party...

*Dive bombs to Svalbards shores ....the mountain white drenched in sipping brews the elves rest in woodland - night begins to wrap the company in shivers and the light flickers out * - shh say’s moon - it’s almost time -

the last full moon of summer , is rising.

from beyond the frozen lake shores where all lay still sat the moon’s crest her light before her self
up on the shelf of mountain lip ,


and with grace like no other - the orb slowly began to glow green


and the thunderstorm no one had seen cracked lightning behind , called up by norse winds and norse tides.

The elves looked upon the tree and a single blossom falls,

touches the floor and blinds them all in bright light.

END CHAPTER -

With a heck of a lot of past history uncovered in sacred spaces ,

wings outstretched , scents of toast and peanut butter , amazonian amethyst or desert desserts, are the tempter tempting - why say no..

Even prior notions to what may or may not have been,
are extinguished in the moments notice ,
what course , ran this tide,  seemed pre-ordained to meet again.


he appears ~
and it seems that if he decides one day to dissipate back into the ether
then there would be trail marks of poems , and astral realms of dedication to cloud kingdoms and fluffy rooms , with hidden portals

and ya'know
it would be a crying shame , i tell ya , we gots too much
to share and too many midnight snacks and dances in mountains , and treks under oceans trenches ~ but i live with the notion of

if it is not mine , i will not have it
and if it is , then it is only that.

Wisdom from mother earths roots -  connections - directions - reflections - mirror image in time and space , parallel companions on the human planetary face - take many shapes and forms,
and this life time is a reincarnation of my last incarnations , short span.

time gives us the patience
and if life gives us the gracious attitudes needed to peruse the horizons of
bliss and the horizons of motions illusionary

spell is undone , traveling ----- in motionless zen meditations.

for the seekers often find more then they set out for

in the least expectant of places.

Spontaneous renditions and silly faced magician , with gentle words whispered,
secrets healer
and emerald , black light bearer of truth observer
and crazy hair curls

holy smokes
holy smokes

rolling stones gather no moss but for now i sit
finally at some temporal standstill
before i move again

but that's ok

i wish for love - always
it's like i hope love will show up around each street corner
and most days it does
( i'm rambling )

i'm sorry , not sorry

i'm vast and i'm small
i'm every contradiction under the sun
and all i want to do is create

all i want to do is let these words spill
and never stop
and never stop
and never stop