I fall into mud, you pull me up by my neck

You let me wash the stains out on my own

Never carried me, you taught me

Everything about survival that I've ever known!

I'd be a mongrel, a cut throat or have my throat cut
deadbeat in the dirt, on my hind legs, a mutt overgrown
if you didn't fight me, force me, love me enough to make me
overcome the mistakes my loose-knit heart has sewn
for the best and the worst you were there every day, not a moment free
that's all the good times, all the cross-talk and all the bad times we had going on
you taught me how to settle conflicts without losing my identity
they bring hardships with soft cargo, soon enough they're going, gone
love is the answer to my burdens, nobody's baggage is garbage; it's not my duty to bear it, I toss it and leave it thrown
you taught me giving people space and isolation are different
it's one thing to be there for you and quiet and another to let you feel like you're all alone
my mother you came from nothing to raise this whole family like the spinal bone,
for every storm, every broken inconsistency and emergency, you are the matriarch, the stone.

Superiority from roots to branches
fraternity excelsior, forever where neverland is
infernal immaturity, malicious impropriators
generations and nations, hatred and placation
tradition, bones in the foundation
sweltering, blood waters the fields, sweat salts the soil
birth-rite of passage for years, never lived on a money plantation
heritage hidden from peers, shock to the shears
sheer heart attack, locked up in worst fears
guilt boils eye-kettles to tears,
scream for the sun to fall
surfacing cicadas are all empathetic ears
thunder before dawn, buzzing is all anybody hears

Testify, the very cream of the wheat
scraped froth from the top of the crop
the tip of an etiquette pick of the elite
meat so fine it melts between teeth
pompous and disconnected in its airs
that the pig never writes the pen; while turning up its nose at all of those beneath.

The exchange rate of proof in a social construct
life experience, debunked your weathered skin is defunct
if there's no photograph, show you could smile and laugh
release the anchor of today and just let before and after float away
be in the moment with all you have,
do what you never do, say what you wouldn't say

Need a lens on, focused, catch my dreams for replay
no net over the bed, sweat pooling around my head
foul smell of smoke and alcohol that's the way
what's a party if you aren't faded,
what's a diamond in the rough if their outlook isn't jaded?
There's no secrecy if there's no privacy,
on any given street move sideways, camera eyes all see
like it's New Year's Eve 1983

Hope for a flashier destruction
learned behavior and complacency
sleepwalking into a new era for humanity
influenced by popular opinions so easily
we can make the world the worst it can be
overnight, tomorrow is always a concept away from being realized
truth is elusive, lost in the pursuit gives visibility, target a nuisance
the truth is harder to believe than the fabricated fantasies
things we say, "They are behind it all" invented enemies
conspiracies, scapegoats to put the mind at ease
you feel better when you can visualize a problem
yell at the president, police, CEO's and companies
blame leaders and celebrities, other countries
nature and disasters, the economy and disease
fearfully, there's no correlation only opportunists and opportunities
who do not see people and lives and families
no, they see land, resources, money and properties
savage and decadent, sitting on civilized notions comfortably

Can you really say you were there if you weren't with a friend?
Can you say you had a good time if you can remember everything?
If you were up all night, ain't it time for this to end?
Who's watching? Who's caring? I put my clown shoes on and sing
Because I quit drinking, started smoking, stopped worrying so much
and I seem twofaced in how I spend my time from who I spend it with,
but I'm not beholden to any social contract; I'm a contradiction, give me my space and I'll be in touch.

My friend, it feels hard to breathe today

your open arms receive the burden of my pain

sharing more of me, the more of you I take away

this sunspot umbrella unfurls the evil on my brain

I'm writing to you like a journal, in solitary confidence

ignoble in my intrusion, with selfish insolence


Are you anymore a friend than the medicine that sedates me

calms and quiets my anxiety?

If I use you all the same?

Am I any less in need of help if my reputation predates me?

And I am both a label and a name?

I am choking on my misery today, lungs filled with lead

spread my disease, inhale the smoke of my fire and fill yourself with dread.

The stone monolith of judgement

presiding over myopic movements

casting a glare of rage-red, bleeding

residing restfully, on an ivory balcony

wherever I seem to go I'm always leading

the shadow of your gavel ever over me,

like Damocles; I can't stand trial on broken knees


Ideate suicide and violence, stranglehold thoughts don't relent

choking reason, chasing down common sense, my time is spent

fear is a stronghold, you can hide in it, safe from an open view

it's a choice that's harder to make when only pleasantries are tunneled in front of you

I've lived with anxiety in control, giving my madness a voice was never a conversation piece

eyeballing me for burial in a pigeonhole, exploiting the pressure of this lonely sadness,

isolated, on the outside it's easier to justify peers' peering hatred, give it a rest, social police

I wouldn't raise a hand to you if you were my teacher, self-taught, classless, I've had this

streak of luckless love, always alienated, never exonerated


Never been interesting, patience testing

a patient, temperament foul and festering

not being all there might be the best thing

daydreams, Elysium reeds in the wind sing

home calls me, that empty lot looks a lot like a golden ring

free to decide on paradise, no longer lifting the weight of dawn

just to see the next day, conscience flowing, glowing outward on

trickling rainfall association, loose-connection, brainstormed concoction

grow and groom personal Yggdrasil, a bonsai tree, in this place

meditate on the realization of the vision, every clipping is a footfall towards grace

persecuted for the image, behavior, for the portrayal

conceived, thought, written and spoken

every effort to improve serves self-betrayal

a window into a moment that they look through and then call broken.

From there? Yeah.
When the glint strikes off the reflective eyelids
all that stands before it is a blindspot
don't stand there waiting to answer or be forgiven
run
run for your ******* life

New boss, old boss, hat in the ring toss
old faithful, fate-fool, a hate tool,
pick an eye, either eye, both eyes
going postal is washed-up, going coastal, old hat
new news, comply on layaway, that'll cost the botha youse
goodwill is taxing, vexing, hacking, give your back-reacting-now that-
dot your I's and mind your tightly wound W's
pension for paperwork is not a fair trade, first laugh is free, next charge though, there goes
how you gonna make a mistake, the takeaway you fake the venom to hide the severed head of the snake away
protecting, projecting losses, greenbacks, stacked in backpacks to resurrect an architect like Imhotep to build projects
in daydreams you can feel the sun off them, in real life you can't see them if you break your necks
competitive incompetence, popping off like water balloons with incontinence
does anything in the whole wide world make a lick of ******* sense?

A man told me he knew the secret to being powerful and making threats,
it's not doing anything, letting their imagination run wild while the other person sweats

and he said so you have until I'm done counting down from five... to be out of range
I looked at him, relaxed and at ease, we were in a wide open space with no cover
Only five?
Yeah?
I watched his eyes
From there?
Yeah.

Hardly have the time, have the energy
never excel at being a beacon, expel the faux morality
there's a flag up here where the air is thin
you should see it, washed and worn, poised brilliantly
it's the ideal symbol, unmanned and waving in the wind

Assume high ground and no longer stand next
this nonstop squawk-box is a flooded chicken-feed
all the pick-and-peck running around with no heads on necks
glaring holes through character history for past misdeeds,
build a reputation off dead-end roads, laying fault wherever it leads

Crime is a heavy coat in the summer, some wear it year round
mercilessly branded, no forgiveness, people are always thankful they're above water when they see someone else has drowned;
not to help, but to blow out bright candles, smother dreams and watch lives go up in smoke like birthday wishes
the strongest weapon against a population is the population, it's the omnipresent bullet that never misses
we're all eating scraps off one plate together, leaving behind less food and more ***** dishes
so guarded and insecure it's almost an offensive decision to voice opinions anymore, but we all do, besides,
you won't be here long enough not to at least try to realize a difference, don't mind your own business
put your mind behind your own business
take your best creation and put it on the outside
live long enough to see it once, take it in with pride
it's your time to be seen, be felt and be heard, as short as it is.