it has been storming so often

in the evenings he rolls over the city

so come down and meet me;
in the rain if you must--

I am too raw to do much else

most things ***** and push

but if this is the dust of your feet
then I'd lie in your wake

i'm finally sleeping through the night--

and for a couple days I'll wake up and
not think of you at all--
people say your name and it sounds like an old prayer
each syllable a funny amen

I've been shadowboxing myself, my old friend
i've been been relearning to to be comfortable with silence in the end
neither of us kept our promises but that's no unforgivable sin

i've considered a hundred thank yous
all lined up  on the lawn, white pickets to make a nice fence
and sometimes I've stood in my kitchen and stared at the mugs
whispered i don't know myself but that's why
i left, wasn't it?

i'll admit to being jealous of your happiness,
i've only so many faces to keep, and i only want one

it's taken a while to own the fault,
i see  every shameful thing and dust off the
way i used to hold myself

I'm finally sleeping through the night
a little bit heavy, no less able to dream
and i hear part of you like i might
the soft hurt i left in your bed
so, please forgive me
when you get the chance.


please forgive me
when you get the chance.

I don’t think you understand —

Of course I  want to travel—

But I want to do it in Moab
where the mountains crumble and
Rebuild in a day, and the red dust is
Alive with the spirit of a child
leading me here and there
the land marked by ornate tree lizards who
praise the lord

And when I lay down for the night
in the streets of Pakistan, the birds
singing softly in Punjabi, the crisp white of
snowdrops sprouting between my fingers
Not a soul will seek to harm me—
Nor the sun to scorch me,

When I drink from the Atlantic and am sustained—
When its waters take me in,
down to the den of leviathan
where the seabed gave up its dead long ago
And I breathe in the deep green algae,
Anglers like stars in the night

My fingers in the mouth of a lion
pulling nesting stellulas from their jaws—
I want to travel then—

In a world that knows me.

A world that knows me.

And we meet outside the gate—

In the balmy evening with
the sonance of happy voices in the distance,
a dusky star softly gleaming through
The ever-open portcullis
casting damask
patterns upon us;

We there, barefoot, breathing.

A simple life, in cream linen
beneath the foliate ivy
in the brisk morning I am
out In The Garden—
Lying in the dewy grass
Perennial hymns on my lips
reaching into bee hives

Calling lord,

Lord.

Perhaps it is not made for me—
I’m afraid if happiness ever prevailed
to settle upon me it
might be swept away suddenly and
without warning

I have feared that my entire life;
every small joy I have gripped with
the hands of a child
it’s tendrils curled in the web of my
fingers, rare as Vigné a Farinet
fleeting,

Always

Fleeting.

After the rodeo they held a
dance in the 4-H building behind the stands—
They haven’t done that since 2017

I still walked back to my car in silence,
the din of a crowd behind me, freshly plowed dirt and pine, warm beer

I’m in this red summer dress, little yellow flowers all the way down to my ankles,
this is the kind of dress you’re supposed to find me in, in the cornflower blue evening, wisps of peach stratus clouds stretched behind the glaring rodeo lights

Deep Wreck and some kid from Wyoming
arced against the masses, wild hair flying
Red checkered pearl snap

You’re supposed to find me here, You.
You’re supposed to fall in love with me.

Turn it Loose by the Judds plays in the little
red alcove, a bandstand in the foreground;

I get in the car and go home.

on the hammock this evening
the west pasture filled with thick
mulberry clouds, framed by sheathes of
apricot mist in drapes

I am watching the leaves of The Cottonwood
shimmer, flip their golden underbellies up
like schools of danios

And I’m talking to God about being alone—
I send a couple videos to Alyssa

Somewhere on Central some young boys
rip down the backroads up Fields on
their little bikes, setting every dog off in
the copse mobile home park

it’s not that I’m not grateful

No messages. Just wind, late evening.
Sunday with the Lord.

the RATF in Sandusky, Ohio
Is perhaps the loudest place
in the world according to Guinness—

Highly reflective,
with sound levels tremendous enough
To perforate an eardrum and shake
the vocal chords so viciously one might
feel like they’re choking.

But it may actually be inside my head—
The loudest place, I mean.
The words are all gathering up there;
shrill, in the corners,
vibrating against the concrete.

They say Krakatoa could be heard 3000
miles away but that’s simply child’s play—

It’s all neither here nor there, though.
It’s all hypothetical.
It’s all just a room at Plum Brook Station.