Last year built me up, then broke me down
Many times I wondered if I would make it.
I tried desperately to survive
Making friends with the blood pooled on my body, telling it all my darkest secrets.
I found love in the drugs that promised to take my pain away.
I’ve never been as lost as I was last year
But last year is gone now.
It’s a new year
Time for a new mentality
Time to find out who I am now that I’ve weathered the storm.

What a high
When you’re flying with your friends through the sky  
What a low
When you open your eyes and you’re alone

Insecurity, anxiety, depression, loneliness.
They linked together, built a cage and trapped me inside.
I pound at the bars,
Shouting for help.
Just when I’m ready to give up
The door breaks open.
“I’m free,
I’m really free!”
I shout as I run for the trees.
Tears running down my face,
Hope bubbling in my chest,
Could this really be it?
Could I be stronger than them?
The sunlight stings my eyes.
I’m running so fast,
My muscles are on fire.
I pause for a moment to catch my breath.
The sadistic laughter echoes all around me.
My heart drops into my stomach.
I’m not free,
It was just a dream.
The monsters with their twisting smiles,
Laugh at my pain
And place another lock on my cage.

I hear the darkness screaming my name.
I’ve been having some good days,
But it won’t let me get away,
Not that easily.

It stalks me down the street;
Hunting my joy,
Trying to scare it away.
It digs its claws into my legs,
And begs me to stay.
It howls and yelps,
Whimpering that it misses how we used to play.
The scary part is
I think I sometimes miss it too

A million different voices,
Ringing in my head,
Filling me with dread,
Telling me I’ll never be enough,
That I should just shut up.
It takes control of my body,
Gripping my throat until it’s hard to breath,
Making my voice shake until I can barely speak.
I feel the bubble forming in my chest.
I know what this is
And I want to cry.
Here it comes again,
My most cruel friend,  
That I fear I will take with me to the end.

I hear the cruel chorus of voices in my head
Begin to quiet;
The fist of anxiety that’s squeezing my lungs
Loosens its grip,
Letting me breath for a moment.
The soft voice like an angel
Whispers in my ear,
Telling me everything I’ve longed to hear.
I finally found my happy place;
Away from the screaming,
Now I’m just dreaming.

I wake up,
And everything I once held dear is gone.
The crushing feeling sinks in
As I realize it was just another demon,
Feeding on my misery and doubt;
But it’s too late now,
‘Cause by the time I figured it out,  
It has become something I can’t live without.