the paper towel, the sound
your grinning face
as you took the life,
of the innocent fly

the words you used for your ******
were the same I used for mine

‘there are enough flies here anyway’

as I checked the number of the human population
grabbing my towel too,
while grinning in the mirror

one fly less today

“It had never occurred to me
that our lives,
which had been so closely interwoven,
could unravel with such speed.

If I’d known, maybe I’d have kept tighter hold of them,
and not let unseen tides pull us apart.”

― Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go

selfish
the feeling that arises
when I cry
while you were the one
who was crying all along
no-one batting an eye
I always liked your smile
when you walked by

it is crazy to think
you are now gone
but if this is what gives you peace
we shall not mourn
for too long

Rest In Peace

what if
I would've texted you the day before
what if
you would've gotten a compliment or two more
would it have made you feel any better?

powerless

I have questions for you, but I hate that I do

I hate that I didn't,
help you

people laughing
kids dancing
and making happy noises

it gets under my skin
as it does not feel right
for people to take up so much space
where you left a gaping hole

we should all be quiet
and take a moment off

I wish an hourglass
could stop its sand

I wish a clock
could stop its ticking

I wish I could go back to a moment
when you weren't gone

why do all these people just move on?

I have been trying to feel nothing about what happened.
I am afraid that if I begin to feel, I won't be able to bear it.
I am afraid that the emotion will be like a wave ******* me under.

It's not the first awful thing I have endured and pushed into the back of my brain.

That's how I've been coping, and if there's another, better way,
I do not know it.

I'd love to see your room
I'm sorry
was that a bit too upfront?

I'd like to see your room
but only if that's okay with you
I would enjoy knowing
where it is you display your perfume

I would like to see your books
please show me all your silly knick knacks
and your cozy nooks

I love seeing how you have stacked
your ***** and clean laundry on a chair
you shoved it off of it for me

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare
at this picture of you and your niece
why on earth do you have the packaging framed of your favourite cheese

I love seeing all these bits and pieces
of what makes you, you
I know it does not show me all
but at least it gives me a clue

please do not clean or tidy your room for me
please just let it be

my mother told me it is childlike
to have a wish like this
but seeing someones bedroom, to me
is more intimate than a kiss