I thought you were the love of my life
I wanted to marry you, and I thought you wanted to marry me
Partners are supposed to help you through the good and the bad
When I was at a low point in my life why did you pull away?
Why did you leave?
Roles reversed I would’ve been more there for you
I would’ve tried anything and everything to make you feel better
I truly loved you unconditionally
But why was yours conditional?
Even though we both were struggling I was there when you needed me
A shoulder to cry on
Someone to listen
I wanted to give you the sun, moon, and stars if I could’ve
Or I would’ve died trying
You had all of my heart in your hands
Then one day you looked me dead in the eye
Glass heart in hand, and let go
It shatters into pieces
And I’m left trying to piece them back together alone.

I feel a sharp pain course through my body
I gasp and clutch my stomach wound
Falling into the cold dark cave behind me
Silence surrounds me
I feel lost and scared
Weakness fills my body
No more hope
No more light
The wound in my stomach continues to bleed
I’m running out of time
In order to survive I must let you go
But how could I?
Even though you inflicted this pain upon me
I still hold you dear in my heart
The memories we made
The love that we shared
It was all gone
Now it’s just me dying in a cave, waiting for you to come back
But I must get up
I cannot die now.

I am stuck, I cannot move
It is dark, cold, and quiet
I am a prisoner between these four walls
The only sounds I hear are the chains clanking on the ground when I move
I screamed for so many years, yet no one could hear
I’ve spent so many nights crying wishing I were dead
The chains around my wrists feel like they’re getting tighter
I feel hopeless and lie down just wanting for it to end
Tears start to fill my eyes and I pray that I just die
But just when I’m ready to give up, an angel appears by my side
His presence feels calm yet empowering
His voice is soothing and kind
He says, “Your story is not over yet, I believe in you.”
My chains suddenly feel lighter and I feel like I might be able to break free
With the little strength I have I sit up and fiddle with the clasps around my wrists
The angel motions my attention towards something
My eyes widen with hope
It’s my chains attached to the wall but one looks loose
I inch toward the wall and prop my feet against it
I grab the loose chain with both hands
I breathe deeply and start to yank at it with all my power
It gives and I fall backwards onto the hard floor
I’m in lots of pain but I can’t stop now, I must break free
I sit up, then slowly stand
The loose chain in hand I start to pound against the other one on the wall with all my might
The wall releases the other chain and my body starts to feel relief
I muster up what little I have left to walk towards the door
It opens easily and outside is bright and beautiful
I step out into the world chains dragging on the ground behind me
I finally did it
I’m finally free.

When will I ever be good enough?
No matter how hard I seem to try
I always seem to have to lie
No college degree
No job to see
When will I ever be good enough?
Every step I take
I feel like the eggshells are about to break
Never seem to get A’s
But yet me being trans is a phase
When will I ever be good enough?
I can never seem to do anything right
And every time it ends in a fight
So many thoughts running through my head
So many nights I’ve thought I’d be better off dead.

Music is like reading a good book and capturing the sun in your skin
Or perhaps sitting and taking in the trickling of water
Music pulls at your soul
Music is beautiful
Music is powerful
Music can paint a picture in your mind
Music can make a whole room in awe
Music is moving
Music is wonderful
And being able to portray a story or a picture in the minds of the audience is amazing
Did you know that when playing music on an instrument you use both sides of your brain?
By playing music you use your Corpus Callosum which allows both sides of your brain to communicate
Now I could just spit random science facts and describe how amazing music is
But that doesn’t come close to how amazing it feels to perform a piece
Putting your whole heart, body, and soul into a piece is breathtaking.