Sadness
Grieving
Fear
Loneliness
Maybe it would be better for everyone including myself if I was dead
I try so hard
I really do
But it never seems to be enough
It never seems to get recognized
No one tells me they are glad I’m here
That they’re proud of me
I continue to struggle alone
And no one sees me
No one sees my pain
My hurt
My struggle
My stress
My cries for help
I’m really trying
But I’m just so tired of trying
I’m tired of struggling
I’m sick of this pain
Of this hurt
Of everything
Yes there’s some great things about life
But the future looks so bleak.

Betrayal
Partners are supposed to be there for you
Thick and thin
Good and bad
Beautiful and ugly
You left though
You left when I needed you most
Betrayal
How heartless could you possibly be?
I needed you
I needed you.

Fear
Fear flows throughout me
My broken heart is scared to try again
Scared to let someone in again
Scared to be vulnerable again
Scared to open up
Scared to be the true me
Scared to ***** it up again
Fear.

The feel of the books pages
That fresh new book smell, almost like smelling a good bowl of soup
As I read it seems to play in my mind like a movie
The story beautiful
The words feel like my own
But I snap back to reality
It’s not my story
And once again I’m finding comfort in the pages of someone else’s story.

If I could forget
Would I want to?
The way you treated me
How nice it was
The way I blame myself
The way I also blame you
How sad I feel
How angry I am
If I could forget
Would I want to?
They say everything happens for a reason
They say it’s supposed to make you stronger
They say it makes you the person you are today
If I could forget.

I feel unsure
I feel scared
I feel hopeless
I feel hurt
I feel stuck
I feel lonely
I feel lost
I feel sad
My heart is heavy, and my thoughts won’t quit
Part of me wishes I never took those pills
Maybe things would be different
Another part wishes I didn’t call 911
Why does it have to hurt so much?
Why do I feel this pit in my stomach?
Almost as if I had a dagger plunged through my torso
How am I to cope?
When will the pain stop?
I feel like I’ve tried for so many years to get better, but I’m in this never ending cycle
It gets better, and I start to feel pretty good
And then it gets bad again
I just want it to stop
Why won’t it stop?
Please make it stop
I can’t take it anymore
All I want is to be loved truly, for once
I don’t understand why no one can
Why is it so hard to love me?
Why am I too much work to be worth it?
I just can’t seem to do anything right, no matter how hard I seem to try
I feel like no one understands
I feel like no one cares
I feel like a burden
I’ve hurt so many people around me just because I’m struggling
I feel like no one would care if I was gone
I feel like it would be better for everyone if I was gone.

I thought you were the love of my life
I wanted to marry you, and I thought you wanted to marry me
Partners are supposed to help you through the good and the bad
When I was at a low point in my life why did you pull away?
Why did you leave?
Roles reversed I would’ve been more there for you
I would’ve tried anything and everything to make you feel better
I truly loved you unconditionally
But why was yours conditional?
Even though we both were struggling I was there when you needed me
A shoulder to cry on
Someone to listen
I wanted to give you the sun, moon, and stars if I could’ve
Or I would’ve died trying
You had all of my heart in your hands
Then one day you looked me dead in the eye
Glass heart in hand, and let go
It shatters into pieces
And I’m left trying to piece them back together alone.