It’s so hard to live,
when you so badly want to die
Emotions high to low and low to high
You always seem like the bad guy
Chasing others to not be left behind
Everyone says “it’s all in your mind”
Feeling things more than everyone else
Never knowing who I am
Always feeling like a sham
Impulsive and out of control
I never feel whole
Feeling so empty and alone
And I’m scared to feel this way all on my own.

I just wish I could’ve said goodbye
I know he wasn’t perfect
I know we fought
I know we had problems
But I loved him
I felt that his love was unconditional
I wish I could’ve warned him
I wish it was me who was taken instead
I wish I could know he’s not disappointed in me
I wish I could talk to him about all my problems instead of talking to a headstone
I wish I could cry in his arms
I wish I could’ve said goodbye.

I’m tired of hearing people tell me “there are plenty of fish in the sea”
When I’m underwater drowning
I’m tired of hearing people tell me “love will come when you least expect it”
When I’m tired of waiting
I’m tired of hearing people tell me “you need to focus on yourself first”
When I’ve spent so much time alone
I’m tired of hearing people tell me “you need to learn to love yourself and love will come to you”
When I feel like I do love myself
Stop telling me there are plenty of fish in the sea
When I’m drowning.

Alone
Trapped with my own thoughts
Mind racing
Heart aching
I don’t know what to do
I’m trying, but I feel lost
Surrounded by darkness with no light to follow
Stumbling around
Tripping and falling, scuffing my limbs on the floor
Directionless
Hopeless
Alone, trapped with my own thoughts.

Sadness
Grieving
Fear
Loneliness
Maybe it would be better for everyone including myself if I was dead
I try so hard
I really do
But it never seems to be enough
It never seems to get recognized
No one tells me they are glad I’m here
That they’re proud of me
I continue to struggle alone
And no one sees me
No one sees my pain
My hurt
My struggle
My stress
My cries for help
I’m really trying
But I’m just so tired of trying
I’m tired of struggling
I’m sick of this pain
Of this hurt
Of everything
Yes there’s some great things about life
But the future looks so bleak.

Betrayal
Partners are supposed to be there for you
Thick and thin
Good and bad
Beautiful and ugly
You left though
You left when I needed you most
Betrayal
How heartless could you possibly be?
I needed you
I needed you.

Fear
Fear flows throughout me
My broken heart is scared to try again
Scared to let someone in again
Scared to be vulnerable again
Scared to open up
Scared to be the true me
Scared to ***** it up again
Fear.