It's 12:07am and I'm thinking about you
The way you ran your fingers through my hair
The way your eyes lit up at the sight of something beautiful
The way your silk lips met mine, just barely touching the surface
Then diving right in
Like a child visiting a pool on the first day of summer
The way you looked into my eyes and told me "it's all gonna be ok"
The way our bodies fit together so perfectly you'd think we were made for eachother

And I envy the readers of this poem
Because you are most likely thinking of a person right now that made you feel this way
The person that made you feel alive
The person that gave you a purpose
The person that made you feel safe

You see, I really have no person at all
Just a figment of my imagination
A predisposition of what love must be like
But alas I don't have a person
I am sitting as the world spins
As people fall in and of love
It's 12:07 and I'm thinking of "you"

"I can't focus"
We all can't focus
Stuck in a cardboard box
Trapped in these rooms with iron locks
No escape
No way out
Running away will only lead to failure
Stuck in a dead end job
So you better stick with it!
No getting out of it now!
Work hard for 4 years
So you can work hard for 4(+) more years
So you can work hard for the rest of your life
Ok! Sounds good!
And you wonder why we're so stressed
Why we can't focus?
It's the same thing over and over
And that seems extremely bogus

You know those movies?
There's always a savior, a messiah of some kind
Everyone thinks that they would be that person
The person who saves the world
Or gets the girl
Or has that special gift
But I've faced reality
That's not me
I'm Nothing extraordinary
It's sad I suppose
I'll never be the
Katniss Everdeen
Or the
Superwoman
Or anything but me
But I can always try
I'll just wait and see

****

I said goodnight
And you said it back
The words almost rolled off my tounge
"I love you"
But I stopped them
Like a barricade for my words
Because I knew
You wouldn't say them back

I'm the one with
"The good personality"
Ok looking  
Average intelligence
Ok ***
Nothing like the girls you prefer
The one with the "good personality"
I use my personality as an excuse
for my purpose
Why should you like me
Well um.. I have a good personality?
'Good' personality
I have my flaws
I'm not perfect
But I'm good
Well, not good enough for you
But good just the same
I suppose
None of that matters though
The only one I'm trying to impress is you
I'm clinging to you
"Please give me a purpose"
I have a good personality
And I hope that's enough for you

*******
And your ******* great ***
And your ******* great life
And your ******* great social skills
And your ******* boy toys
And your ******* silky hair
*******

It's always been this way
Behind the curtain
When I'd really rather be the starring role
Dark as the shadow that's cast over me
I feel incomplete
But how can I compete?
It's always been this way
Since the little boy in second grade
It's always her
Why wouldn't it be?
Who would pick me?
The whole world is screaming pick Her!
It's always been this way
I can't remember a time that It hasn't
Since she got asked to dance and I didn't
Since she got hot
And I'm still....not
It's ok I guess
It's always been this way
I wonder if this will ever change
Will I ever stop comparing myself
Will anyone really take me
Over her?
Well it hasn't happened yet
It's always been this way

They say that
The brave may live fast and die young
But the cautious never live at all
I blur my vision
Telling my self I could never be the latter
But behind the bright eyes and the glowing completion
I'm empty and incomplete
I am cautious
I am no fun at all
I worry over innumerable amounts of things that don't really matter at all
What if. What if. What if.
What if I took this risk? No
What if I did something I had never done before? No
What if I cared about what I wanted before worrying about others? No
No no no
I'm not that person
I've always known that
But as I type the words it seems more vivid, more real.
My life has been no life at all
Just a hollow shell of what could've been
Colorless
Lifeless
Loveless
That's me.

I'm so foolish
Talking about "love"
I have no ******* clue what love is
All I have is bits and peices
Compiled from 80's movies
And romance novels
I could look up the definition
I could take from other's experiences
But I'll never really know
Until I experience it first hand
And do I even want to?
All I truly know about love is that
It always seems to end in heartbreak

Ugh I feel so stupid
"Why" he says
Why?
Why?
Because your this gorgeous guy
and I'm just an ugly damsel in distress
You're so chill
And I think so much I can't keep anything straight
You're so hot
I'm so not
And worst of all is
I know you're gonna break my heart