I've always held a love for the rain in my heart
Cold gray skies and thick Coates
Windows of the world washed over with earth's most beautiful of diamonds
So important to all yet so simple it goes overlooked
Ungrateful eyes never see the bigger picture
Or the beauty laced through the smallest of cracks
I never understood the need for umbrellas when the rain was more beautiful than any crystal or mortal possessions
When it starts to rain, I can see her
She is loving, the most caring of mothers
She tucks us in with a thick airid blanket of clouds and fog
Chilly to the touch but warm and comforting in the soul
And as the droplets fall fast against our surfaces
She kisses us with all her heart
Smiling as the cool water pools in the crevices of the world and my hands
Overflowing onto my shoes and face
Spreading her life and love through all she can reach
Watching her children flourish and play
Even when I am not outdoors and able to feel her embrace I know she waits for me on the other side of the glass
And while she waits patiently, she plays with me
Racing water drops against eachother and tracinging their paths down my windows
And making me all the puddles to jump and splash in I could ever ask for
Nourishing my favorite flowers and plants to show me she cares
She's always been the best playmate, and her toys never cease to give me joy and wonder
I've always loved the rain
And I know she loves me too

it can be so hard.
it can be so hard when it feels like everything is going wrong today.
it can be so hard when your world seems to just be falling apart.
it can be so hard, day by day, night by night.
it can be so hard trying to push through
that darkness that seems to always be there.
that seems to always be following you.
that seems to always hunt you down, like it knows where you are.
like it knows what you do.
like it knows just who you are, even if you dont.
deep breaths.
light.
theres light.
it chases that darkness away.
it chases that sadness away.
it chases away that desperation.
that fear.
that worry.
that loneliness.
it chases it away.
deep breaths.
it wraps around you.
enveloping you in its self.
it feels like its trapping you.
but your not hurt.
your not scared.
deep breaths.
you feel warmth.
you feel love.
you feel soft.
and calm.
and good.
you feel happy.
and that is good.
and that is ok to you.
you are calm.
and you are ok again.
deep breaths.

words are like water
constantly flowing and changing and trickling
like a stream, turning into a river of sounds
then lakes then oceans, getting louder and louder
more and more violent along the way
like water, words are depended on
to live, to survive, to exist in this cruel world we call life
just like water, words can suffocate, they can be drowned out
they can hurt and scar and scare and control the ones around us
but
just like water
we need it.
we need water and we need words
because
in order to survive we must do what it takes.
we must do what needs to be done to sustain ourselves
even if what we do hurts others or ourselves.
even if we cant take what we have done back.
we must survive.
just like water.

unseen
unnoticed
overlooked by the people surrounding you
that could care less about your existence
its as if you were invisibe
wearing a cloak of invisibility
passing by the blind
who refuse to see
who refuse to listen
living your life alone
as no one bothers to even try to care
and your numb
unable to feel emotion
as it has been so long
for anyone to show affection
so you feel nothing
and continue on your invisible path
trying hard to earn the attention of others
to win their approval
only to be dissapointed
and broken down again
reverting back to your invisible self

its so
empty
bland
broken
the place I fear most
when I open my eyes
hoping not to see the same barren place
as I have seen it to often
what is this?
what is this place?
why must I return every time I open my eyes?
this broken place of those who cant escape
it is cold here
it is always cold
I wonder why it must be so
to open my eyes
not able to break free of this
cold
broken
desolate wasteland

Issues
We all have them
Don’t we?
Whether they be new ones
Or old ones
Painful ones
Or the unnoticeable ones
They trouble our daily lives
Never allowing a carefree living
Worrying about the next day
And what it holds
If it is a miracle
Or a tragedy
Reminding us
That we are incapable of solving our troubles
But we all have them
Don’t we?
These problems
These worries
These issues

I'm black and white
No color present
Crippled emotionally
Leaving more than one visible tragedy
Looking down apon your shattered body
Covered from head to toe
With memories and lessons
In the shape of scars
And more that will be welcomed
As distress continues to spread
through out your mind
Filling your head with thoughts of suicide
And ending the pain that torments your life
Wishing you never existed
That you were dead from the beginning
That none of this came to be
Wishing as you lay down to to sleep
That you never open your eyes again
Just to awaken the next day in tears
We've all felt this pain
This agony
Trying to survive but not succeeding
As many are overtaken and blinded
Succumbed to the darkness
Making them think that they had their own free will to die
As they are controlled like puppets who's strings start to break
Making them useless and unusable
Shattered minds never to awaken again from their cold
Cold graves.

Falling in no direction
Twisting and turning
Crying for help
For those who can reach but don't listen

So I continue to fall
My emotions screaming out at me
To do something
Anything

But the darkness invades me
My color faced away
The happiness and joy it gone
And I'm released to the darkness
A nightmare
A mess
A mistake

As light does exists
So must the dark
Meeting at some point
From the other end of the arch

That binds their worlds together
And balances their chaos
A forever bond and agreement
That will never be lost

And so they harmonize
So that they cause each no harm
to make the perfect relationship
Making no cause of alarm

For don't you see best beloved
Though the truth may seem small
That there is light and dark in us
And it resides in us all

Scars

Scars cannot be undone

Mental nor physical

Reminders of the past

Left as a lesson

Of what not to do

Or what you should do again

Some from others

Some from yourself

Marks to release the pain

Marks to forget

Scared hopes and dreams

Reminders of hate and hurt

Scars.

In the world of music
You can see many places
But you pass by the world without looking
Especially at all the faces

I cannot see the world
No matter where I go
But no one ever looks
So no one ever knows

I may seem full of life
But inside I feel like I'm dying
But no matter what people say
I will keep on lying

I will always be alone
Never knowing any faces
So all I can do
Is to move to many different places

Ever on I continue
For it is my fate
I will never stop
Even if I'm in bad state

For some say my life has no meaning
Nothing to represent
And everyone i meet
All they do is resent

Flowers blooming
Petals in the wind
Flow ever towards the distant sun
But can never quite reach

Never touched by man
For they are very sacred
But they also carry a message
That not many teach

I finally see the light
That this wasn't meant to be
That it really wasn't you
And you didn't want to leave me be

It was the one
That I let call me friend
But I guarantee
That this friendship will end

For when you lie to me
You don't deserve my company
No matter what you do
Even if you act desperately

Now we are together
Like we are meant to be
We are not alone
It's now we instead of me

Just remember
That I will stay true
And that I
Will always love you

i have theory
that i think is true
of who you would talk with
and who you would run to

if I was gone
for me you wouldnt cry
you can't fool me
im no regular guy

so run off to your sweetheart
cause I know I'm not the one
i won't play this game anymore
im just really done

of all your games
of all the lies
of all the jokes
im ready to sever those ties

As i sit alone,
not ever known,
drifting into darkness,
never knowing happiness.

Laughing children pass by,
you question why,
you have no one,
and you wish your life was done.

To take the knife,
and end your life,
and no one would ever know or care,
not a story of you to share.

No one to grieve,
only relief for all of who dont care,
no more cold glares,
just the quiet silence.

Poor,
unwanted,
unloved by those you loved the most,
but no longer for you are lost,
to the hands of death,
a tormented soul.

Death is nothing more nor less than life is,
just nonexistence in a non existing world of cruelty,
pain, and hurt,
with nothing to gain.

Love is a lie,
no truth lies within,
its just a game to toy with emotion and win,
as love is not love,
but hate in disguise,
nothing more than udder lies.

Feeling trapped in a place you cant escape,
total darkness surrounds you and you struggle for your life,
its like the knife,
to end you life,
its something you know you cant escape.

A place of no light where no one can see,
no on will look,
no one to leave,
as you take the knife,
about to end your life,
and people just walk right past.

No one will care,
no one will see,
when you are gone,
and thats what i mean,
people dont see the hurt inside,
so whats the point of living in a lie.

As the knife crosses your skin,
out comes the deep red blood that you drew from within,
and as the blood pools around you,
you close your eyes and smile as if you have won,
for the deed you had planned is finally done.

But when you open your eyes,
you are no longer there,
in the place of no light,
where no one would stare,
but instead you are surrounded,
by the ones that you love,
and the ones that do care,
and you cry,
for you never realized that they where there,
and you smiled a smile that nobody new,
for it was a true smile that was hidden within you.

my picture i show
shows that im full of love
for every little thing
even the sky above

for all deserves the love
even the misunderstood
and sometimes i feel
like im the only one who could

love the sky the trees
the life in the world
even the smallest butterfly
blown by the wind and was swirled

so look in your heart
for the love deep inside
and should you embrace it
you can and will feel the pride

im tired of trying
to hold up that wall
of keeping a smile on my face
when its not true at all


all i see is someone whos tired
every time i look in the mirror
someone who shouldnt exist
just one big error


i thought self harm was the answer
but it just made things worse
and no one hears me no matter how loud i scream
so in the end it just leaves me hoarse


i cry and i cry
but no one seems to care
im just insignificant
and it feel like im being deprived of the air


im tired of trying
to do what seems right
it leaves me so exhausted
because it takes all my might


because its so hard to handle
the pain i feel all the time
and it so hard to bear
that im about to cross that line


its like im just a puppet
to all their little games
and i try and try
but it just reminds my of the pains


of every ones disapproval
of all their dissapointment
and the pain is within
which cant be reached by medicine or ointment

like a beautiful rose
that's in forever bloom
never a care in the world
not a cloud of gloom

and when i see you
you make me feel safe
because of you
i can be brave

for my friends my family
even for you
and i actually thought
that your love was true

but now i have doubts
about what you say
because you could be lying
to make things your way

so please confess
if this is all a trick
to mess with my mind
to make me very sick

but until then
i will believe
that there's nothing to worry about
only love to receive

i didn't know
but if i did i would care
about your liking
for long hair

but i didn't and now its gone
and now you dont even speak
seeing you like this
it makes me feel weak

and i want to talk
to listen to your problem
but since you dont
i cant solve them

so i just hide
i avoid you
and i know
that so do you

but the more i think about it
the more it hurts
and it just
makes me feel worse

so please just talk to me
let me know
what i did wrong
not knowing hurts me so

but i already know
that you wont say a word
and what said in your head
cannot be heard

so i just pass by
not a sound heard
but if i was brave enough to talk
then i would have dared

please just listen
and please understand
that i didn't mean
to make you so mad

so forgive and forget
like it never happened
or else my confidence
will completely flatten

you close your eyes and breathe the air
to take the jump, you do not dare
because you dont know if you can fly
and if you can you fly through the sky
but if you cant then you will fall down
all the way until you hit the ground

so with not a sound you walked away
because you didn't  have much to say
you didn't spread you wings because it gave you a scare
because if you fall everyone would stare
so you sat right down about to cry
but no tear came and you wondered why

and you look up at the setting sun
and realized that the day was done
and for some reason you started to smile
and decided that you would stay for awhile
and you realized you had much to gain
if tomorrow you tried again

i know its hard
to except me for myself
and sometimes it feels
like you trap me on a shelf

like some doll
that you'll throw away
sometime around
the very next day

its like im caught in the strings
of your expectations
while ******* to
your other creations

and you call it love
but it seems more like pain
and that you loose more
than you think that you gain

i may seem useless
i may seem weak
but im so much more
and i cant be beat

and you throw your punches
to bring me down
but i will never
hit the ground

not by the hands
of someone like you
you smirk at me
but you know its true

and with one small punch
you will give up
so lets face the facts
you ain't got the stuff

so go and cry
to someone else
you just ain't good enough
to match someone like myself

to fight me now
nor fight me later
i think you better stick
to you simple job as a waiter