For you, I would do anything
Ill drape my jacket across the both of us
Lean against you so that you shiver less
Holding your cold hands in my own
Rubbing them against my jeans and blowing on them to generate enough heat
On cold windy days
When the sun decides to stay within it's blanket of clouds
You always forget a second jacket
But I don't mind
Because even though my hands are always cold
For you
I'd always give what little heat I have
To make sure you are warm too

I need someone
Anyone
To choose me
To want me

I need them to whisper my name in longing
To glance through a crowd in hopes that they might see me there
I want them to look at you
And ask where I am to be found instead

I find myself longing
So very often I am longing
For freedom, to be wild once more
To feel the sun dribble across my skin
Through the blanket of tree branches
And the dew of morning mist
As I pass through the brush
Out there where words are never spoken

I hear you
Calling to me from far beyond this bubble
This place of metal and wires
Concrete and iron and copper
I am caged
In this cold man-made place
I know this is not where I am supposed to be
I am an animal
I am to be wild
I am to be free
But still I trapped here all the same

Yes, it is quite the zoo we have made
Haven't we?
Putting all of us on display
Dressing us up in silly fabrics
Fancy toys strewn as far as can be seen
Enrichment just a button press away
I never felt like I fit in a place like this
No, this is not what I am supposed to be

I keep finding myself
Lingering on the border of these two worlds
I can't help but give pause every time I happen to pass by its fencing,
Maybe its not quite a coincidence
That I pass by it at all

But when I do end up there
Teetering on the edge
I stare into the forest
And I see myself leering back
The me that is wild and unburdened
Mud covered feet
Hair long and unkempt
And teeth bloodied and yellow
Nails chipped and worn
I look almost akin to a beast

I feel my skin and bones yearn
My pulse quickening as my soul wails and begs
For what I cannot quite reach
I crave that which once was
And would also never be
I wish to return to being wild
Before words and people and things
Still I am caged here

I am an animal
I am to be wild
I am to be free
But perhaps I am too far gone
That I spent too much time
Became too domesticated
To be able to return to such a thing

I cannot have a small, soft, gentle love

I see now that it oozes out of me like a broken faucet

There is no such thing as a small love for me

I've only ever known how to love like an approaching avalanche

Deep, intense, and so utterly resolute and exhaustive

I cannot seem to comprehend how the world does it so easily

Like loving someone isn't as fervent as it is

My heart is just too big for me to only give so little

It doesn't feel right to love so sparingly

Can I not love you with all that I am instead?

Oh time

My familiar friend

How did you know it would be the last time
I played in the streets with my childhood friends?

That I'd never see their faces again
Or taste the sweetness of the fruits we shared together one more time

Why did you not tell me it was the end?

You, too, were there
Weren't you?

I would have stayed a bit longer
Smiled a bit wider
Laughed a bit louder
Loved a bit harder

Must all the beautiful moments of my life pass through me so quickly?

They hold the keys to my respite

How will I ever find home
When my memories of them become quicksand
Through my fingers?

I worry all this sand will swallow me whole
Before I have had time
To trace the lines of their faces into my bones

What do I do then?

Boiling white hot rage
Regret and guilt seeps in
Silent looks through open bedroom doors

How I hate you so.

Peanut butter and jelly apologies
Your favorite movies on CD
Fighting for the passenger seat

How I hate you so.

Racing for the favorite spoon
Sharing a sweet treat from mom
Stealing trinkets out of your room

How I hate you so.

Pushing your buttons until they break
Scaring off your school bullies
Blaming the broken coffee *** on you

How I hate you so.

Heartfelt gifts on your birthday
Beating you at every game
Moving out to start your life away

How I miss you so.