It's like,
It's like when you jump in water
And you can't exactly swim, but you do it anyways because you've got nothing else to do
And the jump is kind of terrifying, and its thrilling but it's terrifying.
But the best part,
The best part is reaching the surface,
God,
when you reach the surface and take that first gasping gulp of air
and you can see clearly and you can think and breathe and finally you're okay.
So you start jumping
You keep jumping in that **** water because that breathe
That breathe makes the little fear of the jump, of the moment of sinking before you kick,
That beautiful breathe makes it all so worth it.
And you keep jumping
Jumping until suddenly it's not worth it anymore
That breathe seems so unattainable because you're too tired to enjoy it.
So now you're drowning
And you are in a constant fight to stay afloat, because that little fear of sinking isn't a little fear anymore
And you're trying
Trying so hard to breathe
And you hate this ****** water cuz its got you and now it wont let you leave
And you realize all this time you jumped to breathe is a waste because you were breathing fine and now you have to jump to breathe.
And now you don't know what to do because now the jumping isn't helping,
You can't breathe either way, you just cant breathe, you cant breathe, i can't breathe….
You just, you just have forgotten how to breathe, and you don’t have time to learn before you suffocate.
You try and emulate the action but it failed to gain traction
So you spend your life seeking quick ways to keep breathing
And it's like, its like when you jump in water
And you can’t exactly swim, and you've got nothing else to live for
And the jump is terrifying, and its terrible and it's terrifying
And there’s no best part because you can't exactly swim, and you never reach the surface so you never take that breathe...
And you keep drowning.

you can feel the stares,
glancing at your clothes, your hair,
your hand intertwined with that of another.

you can feel it,
and the hair on the back of your neck stands
as imaginary whispers fill your mind.

you can't hear them,
but you know.

know what they're thinking, how they're judging.

but then,
your hands start to swing and you know what's coming.

You grip tighter.

you need that hand.
it's the only thing that makes to stares go away.

You grip tighter, because that's what makes the judgement bleed away.

but your hands are swinging, and you know what's coming.

you whisper...

I whisper under the disguise of a breath, " please..please don't let go"
because I need that hand.
It's what makes it all okay.

I grip tighter.

She pulls gently at my hand, a silent answer to my plea.

I let go.

It's not okay.