I drift but a barrier separates me from
Unconscious percolation
My snapshot of my chamber is altered
Skewed, rearranged, differed and changed in my brain
Add contour, remove shadow
Stretch and distort objects remaining at rest
Levitate or make vanish, flood the dull with color
I have the power to paint the world to my liking
As I lie motionless, I interpret this
The light fixtures suffer simultaneous seizures
Shaking, quaking, tremors through time and space
The room has a distinct vibration
I am a plucked string, a struck chord
Sending my message to the walls and receiving their echo
The darkness around me fills with brilliant light waves
I am amazed by their purity, white and dazzling
First docile dots, then elongated tubes
Indicating motion
The vessels acquire a spectrum
My field of view is well decorated with ornate luminescence
These happenings perplex me but the wonder wears off
My still frame is a play thing
My version of existence

My condition is incongruent with the common presence
Black sheep identity burning eyes and hesitance
I move in a manner like weight attached lumbering
Unsure of myself, with no partner stumbling
Swimming in a glass half full and inattentive
Sloppy script pen tip like bull with red incentive
Reference to constructed concept subjective inference
Marker to my darker being written in this instance
Possessive and persuasive visitor leads me to temptation
Takes unpredictable control of my mental weather station
Precipitates with hate and tears me down with its erosion
Art starts with rain pain soon becomes an ocean
My breathing is done in desperate gasps
A fight for oxygen’s healing
Suddenly I am miles away
Far beyond the ceiling
Moving at the speed of light time slowing to a crawl
Cranium contained tragically between these walls
I wake to similar circumstances not changed to satisfaction
Expect a sedentary death from drone of human interaction
Hungry and reestablished, reminded now of morning
Clear mind and consequence come forth with no forewarning
Death lingers in the white noise that gestures from the mental
I open the gates to raiders as they pilfer sacred temple

Wherever I go, my phobias follow
Giving me trouble with everyday life
Adrenaline rush when engaging the unexplored
Public speaking, attention, skating, riding a bike
Facing my past, traveling, being alone, heights
Worry makes me race and bleed and need and all the like
And to think I respond to strain by keeping my brain sedated
And waste my potential, but wisdom is belated
I internalize my stimuli my mind’s eye can thrive
I enjoy my frequent fear because it makes me feel alive
Even surprise myself by overcoming the insurmountable
When easily I could fall to ruin and not be held accountable
My tunnel vision makes small conflict all I contemplate
Caught up in the moment in my aggravated state
Any ground gained is a conscious overcoming
Any pretty poem comes from days of mind running
Any day lived is time that I have borrowed
Any one could be the last but this brings me no sorrow
If anything I have taken from the images I carry
I appreciate the fact that I am temporary
Once had the option of premature return
To the nothingness that spawned me now value I have learned
I work hard to earn my being, no phobia can stifle
Patiently await the day I die and am recycled

The pile builds, accretion of assignments a while until
Relaxing, busy work not terribly taxing but my time
All consumed, brief pause and then resume the battle
Of the usual, ramble babble prattle of the professor then I lose
A full night of sleep, toxins in each anxious beat
Of stressed heart, DNA schematics down for art
And not a rigid scheme, blackboard is bleeding on me
And now the groups are formed, locusts of ambition in a swarm
I am devoured, avoiding conflict like a coward
I see his eyes, abandoned on an island he dies
In the horizon, my face of kindness becomes wizened
Faint and feeble, I recognize my capacity for evil
To continue, make no apology for sins due no effort made
To right things, expect a well deserved strike of lightning
Very frightening, conscience panicking muscles tightening
No chance at being friends, dread the day we meet again

It's done
My heart beating stress inducing chemicals
I ignore them, I am still high from the relievers
Barely able to focus
My confidence remained with me
Though I felt its desire to escape and abandon
My voice was steady, though I rushed at times
Leaving planned points stranded and unappreciated
Have to finish, return to my seat, watch the next suffer
My time has come and gone I do not recall who I was
What was my panic?
I know enough and I continue to learn
The unfamiliar angle of substance never used
Created a sensitive reaction of outpouring
Near destruction from the surge then artificial joy
Came close to casting away my life's work on a whim
We were brought closer but my true condition exposed
I have become an obscene being to be feared
Unstable in the face of crushing choices
Collapsing under my own gravity
My next challenge awaits
And I anticipate the fear
Lesson learned

Clouded formation of inner color control mechanism
System synesthesia pulsing eyes and dull surroundings
Float in gently woven tapestries that make the atmosphere
Dig into a solidified and nullified enigma
Decisions though no comprehension brought to life like a golem
The line that I cross between focused and lost has me open
Smooth and calm status accepted and enjoyed
Fellow interlocutors debate and compare wisdom
Rowdy and open to suggestion, I share freely
Less inclined to anxious thoughts
Like spiders creeping in the dark
Mysterious and unfamiliar persons are simply characters
As I weave a tale after my own interests
Nothing to fear in a world where I am capable
My guests are strewn about
The ruckus scattered and cluttering
Thumping walls of a thought tank desperate
Hydrate-Revive-Rejuvenate
Rebuild by burning like a forest fire
Cycles become me sadly

Reflection like a mirror or a post-*** shower
I am alone, and I dissipate into the room’s air supply
I pause to appreciate the sensation of life
Colorful tendrils of light play games
Crisis is foreign and distant
I am tranquil, transcendental and still
The particles of my mass are no longer bound
My existence becomes my surroundings
And my surroundings become me
Singular
Peace comes resting me into sleep
Nod off numb to the water
Stars flash within arm’s reach as my focus is lost
As my vision becomes increasingly spotted
It separates into a grid
Evenly spaced, dark, outlined squares
Snaps of brightness make me dizzy
Objects float or fade to nothing
Reality now artificial, mimicking, a substitute imposter
I fall to the final sight of myself disappearing
Black energy plays tricks on me
Silver flashes when I arrive
Purple when I reflect
Blue makes me question, fear, and follow
Green inspires me
Yellow tires me
Orange is my love
Red when the world collapses on me