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Elijah Apr 2017
Black & milds burning my fingers.
I know that it's bad, but it feels so good.
Stress weighing on me heavy.
I talk to God, but, no clear answers.
Tell me what I'm fighting for.
Dear God, if you're up there, tell what I'm fighting for.
What am I crying for?
Hoodie over my head, God, what am I hiding for?...

You spend your whole life trying to be perfect,
Just to find out that you ain't ****.
You try to be the guy that carries all the burdens, including your own,
But you realize you're ill-equipped.
You break everything you come across: glasses, vases, and hearts that are now lost,
Because of you.
This poem is not from my point of view,
But if it was I'd understand why he feels so blue…

You see living in this life, you're bound to feel doomed.
Good things can happen to you, but negatives will still loom.
And people wanna be all close and personal with you and your truths,
But nobody's loyal around here, all they want is your truce;
Not to be cordial, but just to get in on the news,
That's why I choose a lane to pave, and never say when I move.
​But even when you try to be humble,
​You start to  get in your feelings when you hear the slightest mumble.
​And then you wanna rumble,
All along we've been living in a jungle, and I don’t mean no New York.
We in a world and generation where your “homies”’will eat and not bring extra forks,
They will let you starve.
Selfish and self righteous,
Very messy with their moves.
That's why I rarely go out, and my friends, I let God hand pick and choose…

Now the perception is mine.
Hoodie still on, world’s cold, but I'm doing fine.
Black N milds still sitting in the cup holder while I drive,
Formulating lies in case my mom found out like “they ain't even mine.”
“Well why they in your car? You want your lungs get black and die?”
“Man, momma them ain't mine. They must belong to one my guys.”
​Can't erase the unerasable, or trace the untraceable.
​10 times out of 10, all your wrongs will come back to you.
That's why I keep my guards up like Garda,
Because karma’s like that crazy ex girlfriend you can't shake off of you.

I've been finessing the systems.
I've been showing all of the symptoms of a hardheaded BOY that just won't listen,
And think he's a man, and that he can stand on his own to.
And will tell you to your face he never wanted you.
​Counterfeit power.
​Egotistical attitude,
​That is sure to fall through.
Let him fall through…
A little back and forth a from two perspectives. The first half, until "All along we've been living in a jungle, and I don’t mean no New York...." is from a friends perspective. The rest is mine. Enjoy. Thank you
Elijah Mar 2017
Look at us;
We're all twenty something.
Some got kids, married, and live with significant others.
While most of us still at home with our Mommas,
But that's okay,
we're just tryna get through college,
Or get through this phase of life...

Don't you wish that life could slow down?
Or better yet, like, go back?
It seems like last week we was walking the halls in high school.
My how time flies.
And we just want it back.
Cause life, she dealt some blows.
Kicked us a little low.
We lost some of the purest souls,
That now float in heaven, looking down upon us all.

Goodness.
Gracious;

Praise God for his patience.
We're young and still trying, that's the basis.
Right now, do we really have to cover all our bases?
Or is there still room to improve?
For we know that time is always on the move,
Showing no signs of slowing down -
Life's a movie,
Elijah Mar 2017
Heavy is the heart that cries tears.
Of sorrow.
Heavy is the heart that's scared.
Of tomorrow.
Because it doesn't know exactly what to expect.
Heavy is the heart; Shown no respect.

I turned the news on this morning.
As if it were a surprise, another mother in mourning.
Black, mother to be exact.
Crying on TV, because she can never get her baby back.

Heavy is the heart that feels sympathy for that mother.
Heavy is the heart that's scared to comfort another.
Because it doesn't know exactly what to say in situations like these.
Heavy is the heart,

The heart in me....

-Ep
Lost a couple people. Wrote this as an expression of grief.
  Sep 2016 Elijah
Langston Hughes
When I was home de
Sunshine seemed like gold.
When I was home de
Sunshine seemed like gold.
Since I come up North de
Whole **** world's turned cold.

I was a good boy,
Never done no wrong.
Yes, I was a good boy,
Never done no wrong,
But this world is weary
An' de road is hard an' long.

I fell in love with
A gal I thought was kind.
Fell in love with
A gal I thought was kind.
She made me lose ma money
An' almost lose ma mind.

Weary, weary,
Weary early in de morn.
Weary, weary,
Early, early in de morn.
I's so weary
I wish I'd never been born.
Elijah Sep 2016
Take me back to the 90’s -
where we cared less, but loved more.
here, we’re glorified for our past -
where we went out and played Real Games, OUTSIDE.
before the time flew by,
before the new millennium crept in while we were sleeping;
altering the basis of what tender, love, and care really was.

We grew up with very little household rules.
because we understood the consequences that would ensue had we not followed the ones that were already in place.
society had rules. and still do, to this day.
we grew up embellished in love -
no matter the race,
no matter straight, or gay.
we grew up knowing, never to judge.

TV actually taught us things.
cartoons where we’d learn math, or English in the songs we sang.
late nights risking it all because we were supposed to be in be,
but “All That” came on and all that mattered was that we watch the latest episode.

We didn’t have twitter.
We didn’t have facebook, who was mark?
Myspace wasn’t even in its beginning stages.
snapchat didn't even have a place to start.
instead, we might’ve had AIM.
or, we might’ve borrowed our parents’ usernames.

We never knew what X-box was,
playstation 1 was just starting to blossom.
Nintendo was our heart,
sad now it’s like - fossils.
and computer games ruled/
of course, after - our homework was done;
or maybe we used computer games to help with our homework.
numbers munchers, word munchers, math blaster;
teachers lasted. because we loved them,
they knew what we wanted without even asking.
they made things happen...
school was more than boring lectures,
recess was a thing.
like, 30 to 40 minutes of “play time”, to give rest to our brains...

90’s movies:
- “The Hackers”
-”Disclosure”
-”Enemy Of State.” was life.
-”Space Jam.” ...
OH, SPACE JAM. how badly I wanted to be Like Mike!
everyday, trying to brush up on my skills -
sadly, they’d never take flight.
but, as a 90’s kid, imagination was like 90 percent of our life.
“Dream it, Wish it, Do it.”
Be, IT!

Be, It!
hide and seek, how I never wanted to.
had to make yourselves practically invisible for ten minutes max;
or just long enough to catch a break and make a dash for base.
TAG! you’re it.
if you couldn't quite make it.
catch me if you can...
Ahh, games we played as kids.
make you wanna be there again.

90’s. Friends.
Savage like Ben,
But Strong Riders.
Every boy wanted a girl like Topanga. she was strong, and a rider.
we was learning life through the lifestyle of “boy meets world.”
Just so like, we could be ready -
when the boy meets world,
and then boy meets girl,
and girl have kid,
and the kid grows up -
And in the world he lives...

In the world he lives...

This world,
the current one.
the one the hosts our once great nation.
the one that is smoke and mirrors.
the one that was meant to be a great creation.
yet somehow, somewhere, we’ve all changed the meaning of our existence to chastising and hating, each other.

Hating each other.
got me constantly questioning, “Where Is The Love?”
freedom is not free.
the cost is actually more expensive now.
bodies fall on average, about every 3 months.
Whites **** blacks , but blacks also, **** us.
and All Lives Matter -
I'm not sure why they only chant that black ones do,
if they only say black lives matter when a white man shoots...

Take me back to the 90’s.
where things weren't as bad.
Take me back to the 90’s.
where I was young and,
less sad.

Take me back to the 90’s;
we’re having fun meant having fun.
take me back to the 90’s;
where disagreeing with someone, didn't mean you grab a gun.

Take me back to the 90’s;
the perfect era to raise kids in...
Take me back to the 90’s;
at least there,
the world SEEMED innocent.

-Lij
Elijah Sep 2016
I can't get a solid sleep man.
I I I i I get shaky.
The more I think about all we've lost.
What if I'm next?
What if it's my brother? My sister? My mother?

The stress is deep like that.
I'm not even in the street, like that.
When cops get behind me I won't  even stop;
Unless I'm in a well lit area, with plenty of witnesses,
Even then man.
The stress is deep like that.

I can't get a solid sleep.
I've tried my hands at counting sheep.
I even got so far as to tuck my buzzlightyear stuffed Animal in before me just so he can protect me, "infinitely, and beyond."

I'm 23.

Yes, I'm 23.
Yes, I have a buzz light year stuffed animal.
I also have woody.
He's a stand up guy.
I never left them like Andy did, when I went to school I let them ride ...
I - I have an emotional detachment disorder , I think.
Because I can't leave their side - and I can't connect with an actual human being to save my life.
Emotional detachment. Or just, trust issues...

I can't get a solid sleep man.
The stress is deep like that.
Yes, I'm 23.
The more I count all we've lost;
The more I'm scared that the next -

might be me...
I can't sleep at night ...
Elijah Sep 2016
Death to anything that tries to cover up real beauty.

you are.

I am.

We are, all human.

With flaws, aches, and ailments.
Ain't nobody perfect.

Except the one that made us, and made it all worth it.

You're not worthless.

Who told you that, told you lies.

They're not God, so how can they tell you how to live your life.

You're not perfect.
But you try.

And that's all you can do.

Because the one that is perfect, doesn't have to try, he's perfecting your life;

Starting from inside.

So don't cry.

No, don't cry, dry your eyes.

And don't listen to the people,

Putting negativity inside your mind...

.
Part. 1.
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