All of the sudden
We were in four separate chairs
How symbolic
And my dad he stared
Eyes wide and scared

He spoke low
Words coming out slow

The rest is silent.
I see
Tears stream down my brother's face

I could not hear the sounds
But I see
I could not feel the floor beneath me
But my eyes remained wide
I did see
And i didn't cry

I saw
the porch lights shed red light
my dad's face affright
the cold cold night
Brother's not alright
and Mother's always right
So this night
this cold
red
night
Is never gonna be alright

with me

Nana's old bed
At the end of the hall,

Bare feet on gold wood
Cannot sleep
Though I should,

Too Dark,
I draw up the shade

Small crack
Less black,

Green light
Not sky light
from the streetlight,
Too bright

As I gaze out
She stands out,

Abnormal, there
She too does stare

A lone deer
No fear

Mocking
Head cocking

Our eyes hold
Her eyes bold

Soon She breaks
And trots away

Into the dark space
Where the green light does not trace,

Now I know what I must do,
Beautiful green deer,
Thank you
<3

I watch myself
Unable to see what my own eyes see
It sees me
It wants me
Its presence
Behind me
Tall and Dark
It thirsts
It craves
Drawing nearer
Reaching
Mouth agape
Heart racing, anticipating
My legs are heavy
They won’t move
Time slows
Tears fall
I desist
It always ends the same
Inescapable, this thing chasing
The secret chaos
Of a mind untamed

Stepping outside, the air cuts
Cooling the flesh in my lungs
Turning my blood red
A cloud escapes my open mouth
Pupils dilate under dim street lamps
Searching for the light
***** converse on a shiny street
Around the corner
Old ripped jeans

By that tall tree
I look up
No more leaves
But a small, soft, dark brown sky
Hippie Sabotage plays near by
Lips
Collide with the glass
Spark
******* in all I can
Smoke hits
Deep in my throat
Ashes stay lit
Orange glows in my hand

Puddle at my feet
Full moon on the ground
Not so cold now
Tall tree
Branches reaching further down
Away from me
Gray faces surround

Inhale
A little more
Exhale
I blow and blow
Ears full of Palace sound
Strange town
A cloud escapes my open mouth
What now

Exhausted,
The world i knew
Ripped shredded and torn
From a weak grip

Mind twists, screaming
Cannot figure a reason or rhyme
Why something so pure so fine
Can no longer be mine

Chaotic like a hurricane,
Speeding up time
No time
Fly time
Bye time
Cannot control time
Can only climb
And climb and climb

But there is no summit to be seen.
No ultimate waiting
All i know is to fight time
And climb

Torn
Alone
I am sick
And suffering finally,
There's a name for it
What do they call it
Oh yes
Separation Anxiety