If I Need You.

"Call me if you need me ***." It was the sign off of an old friend
When I need you? When I can't sleep and the house screams it's silence?
When I need you? When my food tastes like ashes and is not worthwhile making?
When I need you? When a snapshot snatches my breathe away and I can no longer breathe?
When I need you? When I cannot stop crying long enough to get out of the shower?
When I need you? When the days run one into the other with no meaning?
When I need you? When the day is dark no matter the time and the world stops turning?
But I am the strong one , confidante and funny .I am the fixer and mother .. teacher
When I need you? Every day Every Hour Every moment....When I need you?
I am past asking now, I can wear the mask easily now, No one realizes ...
Don't worry I'll call I answered as I hung up the phone and watched my hand tremble
When I need you? Oh Lady I need you my friend and I am sorry I cannot let you know
When I need you


Solita -2006

She paint's the rainbow with tones of the flowers in the fields
She gives the water all the colours of her eyes
Blue in the bright yellow sunshine
Grey in a storm tossed temper
And deep, soft Green as she gazes on Her children
She holds us all gently and with great care,
As we dance and sing Her name
She smiles
As we bring Her our sorrows and tumble them in her lap Mother help me , please
She smiles

And She weeps
When we use what we know to bar another's Path
She weeps
When She sees impatience and intolerance and fear in us
She weeps and forgives

And when the days are rushed and I find no quiet time
She calls me quietly
With the scent of flowers in my dreams or a half forgotten chant
... And I remember

I came to Her in eager ignorance knowing only that which I did not know
And She sent me Sisters and Mentors Brothers and Teachers and questions so very many questions
And so ...
I am student still and even though my knowledge has grown

Gaea Gaea Mother Lady She no matter the name I honour Her and belong to Her and I am still Her child learning each day

Until My Lady does call me home

In the middle

by Doyenne Solace Arcanna ShadoeWalker



I am in the middle
no fool nor sage
I am in the Middle
not maid nor crone
but in the middle

I am in the middle
the middle is not a bad place to be

knowledge enough to recognize the pitfalls
young enough to try again
wise enough to hold my tongue fool enough to question all
confident in kudos earned but ..curious enough to open the next door


Church bred before birth and convent led
unquestioning... obedient... and blind


but then there WERE questions it was that time of life
no longer church obedient to those found me sinful and inferior from birth

No longer blinded by myth and tradition


I started empty knowing only ... what I did not know

I studied many ways very odd to me
many embraced me some did not
I vowed never to be blind again
so my questions fell in a torrent and

I did not find a home


but then there was a storm...that felled the city ... hard

a conversation ... begun in boredom to talk the storm away

The stranger spoke softly and smiled often
and her tale was full of laughter grace and light
And she answered every question with no reserve at all
She spoke of history of equality of the divine
But there was no rhetoric no temples

but how ?

we spoke till the storm had passed and sun risen
But I was careful fearful for my freedom
I had just begun to question not willing to follow blindly again

so I began not with dogma but the science
the things that cannot change A+ B =C forever beyond time so began years study..and questioned everything
teachers... followers ... and read... everything


and then... there was another storm one life changing
there was a .. teacher near her end waiting for me


and we spoke 3 years this time... and I chose
we spoke of the divine and absurd..
through life and dreams to death

So Coven Schooled and Solitary practiced.. I am

I am now in the middle again

Middle of life .. middle of teaching ...middle of study

Not wise nor a fool not babe nor wizened crone


in the middle
my shadow falls now with equal weight
on cradle handle and tombstone grey


and I have chosen
..The Feminine Divine ... The Moon ... THE LADY

Doyenne Solace Arcanna ShadoeWalker @2012

Trapped in amber forever in place

no change no shift no race in haste

can steal me from my amber case

no sound no touch no worries here

the world is still and sunlit here

A fly in amber this mite is me

When was I trapped

Why didn't I see

The slow drip of resin that has trapped me

Minute by minute day after day it built up around me

it now bars my way

But it's quiet here and there is no strife

far am I from daily life

Perhaps it's not a trap at all
,
but a carefully built haven

Now home   ... after all

Solita - 2007

Looking out my window I see signs of spring
the small green blades that signal winters end
I should be rejoicing but I sit here in sullen silence
The birdsong is clear and joyous in the the yet cold air
and the last of the ash coloured snow melts its way down through the grate
but once more I sit here wrapped in self pity
My small companions tumble and spin at my feet they are great stalkers
and most wondrous tumblers
But here I sit cataloging my fears, my pains and trespasses
Suddenly there is a soft light that enfolds
I close my eyes for I know my Lady has come
Her soft voice asks "why do you forge such a burden child?"
"I forge Lady? looking up to Her " I don't understand. These hurts have been done to me they are not my transgressions not a burden to forge to carry, "

She smiled and gathered all my hurts into her lap and slowly one by one she drops them "
"These are indeed hurts against you and you keep them well polished with constant care and attention,
why hold them close they have done their work why hold them any longer?"
and She dropped them one by one and as She dropped them they shimmered and vanished.
"These things only have power from you, if you do not allow them they cannot hurt you".
"Do not give your life to those things that are in their essence harmful.
Little Sister this is a burden YOU make by your choice
" I bid you begin another chain one of joy and contentment of generosity of time and of sharing. you will find your burden much lighter and will find there will be many more that would share your burden .
And just as suddenly as She came the light faded though I was warm still

My choice .. of course it was I had known it all along So I rise from my small chair at my window and choose...I choose to be apart of my life
I choose to share what knowledge I can with those that would seek
I will acknowledge my gifts and
I will not cherish those troubles that this turn of the wheel are mine.
I choose to participate
I choose to acknowledge
I choose to celebrate
I chose ... to Live

My Lady I thank You
With no berating... no sin or damnation once more I am on my Path
I am so blessed in Her light

Solita -2007



Author's Location: Toronto

Weight or Wings?

Another day Another night

Wondering if what I am doing is doing is any kind of right

Teaching.. Yes
There are those who still Seek and many more that are genuinely curious.

But time seems too finite for that which needs doing

And today the scales are unbalanced
and so
I too am unbalanced

There are lessons to write and correct
The Circle to tend and a few neighbours to visit
And my own home to tend with 7 wee souls and my Lifemate and his family as well

Responsibilities that most days buoy my steps ... today are just a weight, heavy and dark and unyielding

Perhaps tomorrow once more I will fly

but today ... just today I am finding the weight too heavy and a burden I cannot manage

Perhaps tomorrow I will Fly

LET IT BE FOR LOVE



   I don't know why we keep doing this

after all the tears and all the years running headlong at each other knowing full well

our toxic combination will only bring only sorrow

   Stumbling blood drunk and blind time after time  self destructive obsessive  fools

  We bash each other with our hearts and drown each other in  guilt and passion

and yet no one can hurt us quite as deeply as we can ourselves

we know every soft tender pulse and just how hard to push for that inevitable   searing soaring pain

  The pleasures now are not a fair trade for a tear soaked bed or months self castigation

the rising tide of passion is no longer joyful and good memories no longer outwiegh the bad
and so now before the last of whatever love is left is lost, turns bitter  

my love this must be our ending now ,for ever ... for both of us

This time as we walk away ...for all we were


Let it be for the last time ... for love

I never saw her cry
I always thought she was too strong to lose hope
She never asked for help or allowed the offer of a hand
She smiled always and had never a hard word to say
So I never knew you see that the world she saw was so dark
So without colour or warmth
Did I miss the signs?
Was I to involved in my own small life to notice hers had stopped turning
There must have been a point a phone call an unexpected visit
where I saw that she was reaching for me But I never saw

And now she's gone

I miss her smile and wise words I wish she had let me know she was so sad
I am sorry I was not there for you my Sister and I hope the next turning brings you more joy
Till the wheel turns and we again join in the Circle

May The Lady hold you gently and bring you solace

Solita - 2006

Sleep

The clocks lighted numbers mock my pillow

The hour of the wolf

and I am wakeful beyond consciousness

each creak and rustle is magnified endlessly

I search my mind for promises unkept

one of my top ten sleep chasers

but in finding none wander further afield

what holds me from Hypnos grasp?

I am weary tired and beyond caring

What a fickle friend is this stealer of life

I court him and seek him

serenade and placate him

All for naught

I wont get up I wont I wont!!

Sleep is owed!
I will collect!!

I am in a dark silent place without scent or colour

I am beyond reach and fear

Perhaps beyond hope and love

It is a difficult place to reach and there are no rewards ... no guarantee 's

Will you reach for me? Will you extend your hand when there is no hope of gratitude or acknowledgment?

Will you shrug and say "Ive done my best" and wander on?

Will you pass me by because I am unable to call to you?

Once you called me friend , Sister, teacher ... Do these have meaning to you still?

I find myself here in a darkling place it is a quiet place it is a safe but deadly place ..will you leave me here in this soft warm trap?

Or ... will you chance my wrath and pull me kicking and screaming into the light and the world of the living and life

will you endure my screams and futile battles?

And at last ...bring me home to you?

Shall I wait for you ..or sleep My Friend, Sister.Teacher, Shall I wait?

it was a lie

I thought I was done crying

finished with those endless cold and empty nights

I was ready to begin again  to take another chance

it was a  lie

the nights are cold and the sun is cruel

and I will never again trust my heart     the master betrayer

there is no beginning again    only carefully hoarded pain

it was a  lie

I will never take another chance       ask me better to take a dagger and gut myself

it was a lie

I was never finished crying

the soft weeping in the shower or the body shaking sobs that send me crashing to my knees

It was all a lie ...   I have learned to lie ... very well… without you


Doyenne Solace Arcanna ShadoeWalker

The Night

by Doyenne Solace Arcanna ShadoeWalker

The night is full upon me now and the silver light of my Lady keeps watch

here now at this time when the birds sleep and the city seems frozen I can write or read or pray

But I cannot sleep So I write

not extraordinary things nothing to publish or to write home about

small night thoughts thoughts that go careening around my mind stopping the heavy curtain that is sleep

What shall I write?
No words tumble gracefully from my pen
Shall I read with my mind pin balling from one
thought to another
no reading tonight.

the soft scent of incense is calming and the music leads me to a place of study and I read magic mystery stories of ages past
and soon the night is forgotten
then light now greying into a cold march dawn the city shakes off her deep sleep

and flex's her sleep numbed shoulders to begin the work of the day

and now the birds are vibrant in their salute to the morning with joyous chorus

the night has past and I am lost in another tome of theory and magic suddenly no longer weary ..

as the first eastern rays brighten the skies and begin to melt the night ice

into morning moisture scattered across the sidewalks leaving sloppy ankle deep puddles

Now there will be peace
Now there will be silence
Now there will be sleep
Now I will be safe in My Lady's care.

Once more She has brought me safely through a cold winter night and as I light the day's candle I thank Her

Solita @ 2007

Solitaire Kathrynne-Lynne Archer
47m  ·
Shared with Public

Lady, Send Me The Child

Send me the quiet child or the loudest child
Send me the chatterbox with a million questions or the child that builds castles in the clouds
Send me the child that sees 3 steps ahead and the child who dreams of new worlds and magnificent anima,s who speak and sing

Send  me the child who weeps at stories and late-night movies or picks dandelions for strangers
Send me the broken and needy child
Send me the child that hugs and kisses and tells stories to every neighbourhood pet and cries with children he has never met before

Send me the child that visits all the elders
Send me those that take longer to "get it"
Send me those who are here for a short time who need me most
Send me the little Mums and Poppas whose hearts always have room . . .

Send me those that still tremble and shriek every night
Sene me the child of war of abuse of neglect
those who no longer speak or hurt themselves in quiet desperation

Send me those that see their own rainbows that they may shed light on the world

Goddess, please, I will ask naught else, Please send me the children and this I do pledge
I promise to treasure them all