What is the worst thing about the pain?" She asked me, none had asked me before

So I sat and thought and watched those around me..and what I found out surprised me

So I counted the broken promises and canceled dates
the half done dinners and shortened holidays

The eyes of my friends and family have gone from concern to disappointment to boredom and at last to the shifting that denotes no pleasure in my company.
the visits and phone calls have slowly dried up till there
are none

What is the worst part of dealing with chronic pain?

Its the isolation and the looks that say "well, She looks fine"

Oh My Sweet Lady !!

I wish that pain was bright pink
I wish it glowed and sparkled

and...I could hand it off to someone else to deal with for awhile.. How long would you carry this burden my dear friend?
Would you like to carry my "invisible" disability?

It is me that turns invisible unseen and unheard

Will you take the endless burning pain even temporarily?

Will you take the 12 hour days granted to me and not the

24 that Sol promises?

Will you take the broken dates and spoiled dinners?

Will you watch their faces go from loving concern to polite excuses to loveless and dutiful?

for an hour a day .. a moment..?

Never mind,

What is the worst part of living with pain?

The worse part is of course ;)

.. I cannot dance till dawn my friend

... this is the worst part.,

Ever so slowly the light changes and the day begins

A quiet nudge at my knee and a soft call from the bottom of the staircase
sleep clumsy I slip slop down to the morning cold kitchen and waiting souls

Snap, radio on and kettle filled, impatient calls and ankle swarming
Hurry Hurry time for me!!

Morning incense lit in the eastern window and the can opener whirling cans round in a demons dance

one two three four all the way to seven

seven twitching tails, pacing pacing swift furred paws dancing a morning dance.

well behaved waiting turns sudden silence concentration on the morning meal
then all is done ...
with flashing eyes and laser quick dashes it is time for rolling games and sudden pounces shadow fights and sudden leaps.

Time for belly rubs and scratching ears ..and suddenly its quiet.. Small still piles of velvet fur so soft and still

The morning begins in love and light ... as blessed I am to share this turn with seven gentle souls

They have taught me to be calm to wait there is no need to rush all things in their time

love unconditional and ever forgiving

Small lives small bodies soft head butts and total trust ever the same and ever new

Eyes older then time and then kitten quick...they pounce on bed mice as the once more they bring a smile to a stoic face.



Solita -2006

Smoke Incense sweet Drums and Fire The soft mummer of laughter

The Circle has been swept and cast the Sisters draw near it's time at last
The drumbeat is Her magnified heart that which turns the world
Slowly stepping hands entwined voices raising faces to the silver light

Following the age old steps sing once more our songs of old Rejoice Revel Renew

Spinning under an ancient sky chanting Names now forgotten wrapped in blue gray smoke and The arms of The Lady

Oak and Elder Quartz and Myrrh Sword and Staff and Wand old and older tools and treasures from time so long ago
Music faster now Drum filled ears , flying feet and laughing eye's I see in my Sisters Beauty and Joy and Pride Strength undenied

In your Name we dance In your Name we sing This our tribute our gift our offering May it be pleasing My Lady

In your Light we are safe.


Solita -2006

I have called you in my dreams in my pain
I have called and gone unanswered
I have waited and waited
I have listened in joy to your song
and watched in Rapture as you danced till dawn
using the blue/grey smoke as stepping stones to the gilt rimmed moon
Swinging tresses yellow and green ribbons entwined in the scent of DragonsBlood
Listened to your voice as you called in Power
And watched afar as the nights Power came to
rest on your shoulders and soften the colour of your eyes
Unreachable Untouchable Unknown
Warm nights and soft rain
Smoke and Fire and Song
Freedoms Dance and Lady's Call
But I have called you in my sleep in my pain

Did you know?

FIRST ONES


She sits by the fire and stirs her ***
the day has been a long one and tonight's new moon means no sleep tonight
for there are times right for harvest and can be done no other time
The folks of the village depend on her art for to bring new life
and easing the pain of the living as well as honouring the dead
There is no Rede or three by three here
no shiny wands or talismans
she is elder here and thus respected perhaps feared
but she lives her life alone
She was the beginning
a first footer here
seeking only to serve
little profit is found outside of the town
What would she thinks of our books and our Rede
She who never learned to read
Was She more or less then I?
Did She seek to lead?
Would she smile at our toys our trinkets and beads
or shake her head and turn to leave

I wonder what the First Ones would see looking now at me and thee

Solita - 2007

When did my world become so small?

Mine..

Who used to dance all night and chant to the dawn
When did it become day to day and dose to dose?
And why haven't I fought kicking and screaming at the unfairness

When did the day lose its colour and music all sound so distant?
It was not a sudden blitz attack but a cunning silent shadow
and before I knew it the Pain was master here
Where once there was Me with pain Now there is Pain with me

Pain now rules all I do

In sleep I cry and twitch and mewl
So attractive my dear
I don't remember that he asked to stay
He has just waltzed in and stolen what was mine

My days have lost their Beauty and I so dread the night
No comfort there no respite no calm
He controls my temper and the Joy in life
My family long have given up
How long can anyone really listen after all?
So now He is visitor no longer

He rides my shoulders and his spurs rend my back
He shows no mercy and now there is no place of rest
I am sure I would have fought Him off
if He had only not been a coward ,
to sneak up on me like that

Solita-2007

In Secret in Darkness

Hushed tones and coded messages

Is the light denied me? Am I not allowed to dance among the lily's?

I so love my Mothers Lunar light but the kiss of Sol on my face is life

My Lady never hushed my voice nor told me to limit my Sisters and Brothers

The Lady has not kept me from the warmth of Sol

She has not hushed my voice She has not denied me the light

When did this life I love begin to need secrets and darkness?

I don't believe this Path is only visible in the darkness

I believe in the celebration of My Lady

I feel Her in the summer warmth and the in the glory of my garden

in the colour explosion that is fall and springs promise

and the clean cold fire of winter

I will shout it !! I will dance it !! I will sing it

To Her glory I will celebrate this Path

I glory in the soft gift of twilight and the safety of the night

I need no secrets for my Lady She hears m y softest voice and loudest call

No I will not hide nor whisper in the dark I will not hide my face

I am Witch and I am My Lady's Handmaiden and I will hide no more

Solitaire @ 2009

The candle is lit and the house slumbers as
I turn the pages of this most personal tome it is not magik but memory
that urges the turning.
From the Oh so careful initial lines of a Very young woman beginning her search
with every I dotted and T crossed
every day logged and noted .To the busier
days of finding teachers and noting the questions that HAD to have answers.
With accolade's that came when at last I was asked to lead and the tears and uncertainty when the time had come to leave.
The wonder and renewal that comes with teaching and the pride as my students stand on their own and go forward.
Too the life moments when my attention was scattered a parents passing the ending of a marriage
Every drop of candle wax and oil stained sheet recalls vivid memories and tears and laughter.
My Book is not as pretty as I once thought it would be ,
But I met My Lady in its pages and for that I will every be grateful.

Solita Shadoewalker

I Thought You Should Know.

The Lilly's opened today
and I thought you should know

I sat and watched the rain wash over the roses you planted
and I thought you should know

Your favorite movie played this weekend and I watched it alone
and I thought you should know

The world turns still, Growing and dying blooming and fading

Its odd and I thought you should know

You would think the earth would crack open
or
the skies would explode in anger,
or
the seas should all boil away

And I thought you should know ..

The Lilly's bloomed today and your not here.

Solita-2007

the questioner

why does he question he never listens never believes
I am so tired now and there is no hope left
Why am I so important He has come such a long long way
The same questions day after day hour after hour
they never vary the tone does though
righteous anger and wheedling sweetness
wrapped in the cloak of God
He points out the cell window to the ******* piled high
and the dancing flames below
He believes he threatens death , to me a sweet release
No mercy here no understanding only pious mouthings
Ah I am tired leave me be
you can take nothing more from me
This cycle is done and the race is over
but not the final judge is He
Softly sweet light enfolds and for a time the pain subsides.
Yes indeed its time I am called to home
stepping out of that bound gray rag I feel for her that She I was
But no more the chains for me My Lady has come to take me home
and set my spirit free

Solita -2007

The Power Enfolds

Its dark now and the silver light of Luna coats everything with a gilt edge
the air is cool , not yet summer warm and it softly bites my skin,
Still shy after all this time aware of the marks of time

not vanity really ... but the awareness of being a Crone now

Slowly/quickly the shush as silken robes fall to the ground with shy smiles
and giggles of proud young Sisters skyclad for the first time

Softly The Lady's Maiden calls us to the Circle

Brushed/Caste and Invited all the same as decades gone past

Hands clasped laughter replaced with solemn purpose
The drum beats to keep time the heartbeat, , , the Mothers heart

Candles shimmer drums throbs a warm breath .... She is here now ...with us

The Lady's Maiden smiles and our steps now fly
Smiles and hands now entwined ... The Power Enfolds

Voices now calling chants old and ancient beyond time
Luna's silver light enfolds, encloses and energizes

Now we dance on the drumbeats
Blue smoke sends our chants spinning high

Firelight flickers blue and orange higher now snapping crackling
Sheer white light the sheen covers the dancers
as though we were all gilded in The Lady's light

Tresses swinging braided , twisted , oiled and unbound crowns
Halos of colour and curls ... clouds of shimmering tresses
Our only cloaks floating now swinging in time

And the drum slows
and the fire dies
and at once all the dancers feel the cool night air

Soft voiced the Lady's Maiden gives our thanks and dismisses the corners
and the Circle is severed and time again begins

Quietly robes are once more worn and voices rise "Do you need a ride?"

And everyday life has resumes though the air is redolent with power

Sisters glowing with power called down, soft and gentle smiles
show that The Lady's soft touch...has blessed us all

The Maiden greets and blesses each Sister
a few quiet words and the soft touching of hands
fingers softly entwin and eyes dark with Power and Secrets

This has been a Ritual a Calling a Rejoicing Reaffirmation
And we are once more connected Sisters, Elders, Teacher, Mentors

Woman all .. Sisters all.. in The Lady's Light we are once more one

Solita Shadoewalker - 2007@Copywrite

Looking out my window I see signs of spring
the small green blades that signal winters end
I should be rejoicing but I sit here in sullen silence
The birdsong is clear and joyous in the the yet cold air
and the last of the ash coloured snow melts its way down through the grate
but once more I sit here wrapped in self pity
My small companions tumble and spin at my feet they are great stalkers
and most wondrous tumblers
But here I sit cataloging my fears, my pains and trespasses
Suddenly there is a soft light that enfolds
I close my eyes for I know my Lady has come
Her soft voice asks "why do you forge such a burden child?"
"I forge Lady? looking up to Her " I don't understand. These hurts have been done to me they are not my transgressions not a burden to forge to carry, "

She smiled and gathered all my hurts into her lap and slowly one by one she drops them "
"These are indeed hurts against you and you keep them well polished with constant care and attention,
why hold them close they have done their work why hold them any longer?"
and She dropped them one by one and as She dropped them they shimmered and vanished.
"These things only have power from you, if you do not allow them they cannot hurt you".
"Do not give your life to those things that are in their essence harmful.
Little Sister this is a burden YOU make by your choice
" I bid you begin another chain one of joy and contentment of generosity of time and of sharing. you will find your burden much lighter and will find there will be many more that would share your burden .
And just as suddenly as She came the light faded though I was warm still

My choice .. of course it was I had known it all along So I rise from my small chair at my window and choose...I choose to be apart of my life
I choose to share what knowledge I can with those that would seek
I will acknowledge my gifts and
I will not cherish those troubles that this turn of the wheel are mine.
I choose to participate
I choose to acknowledge
I choose to celebrate
I chose ... to Live

My Lady I thank You
With no berating... no sin or damnation once more I am on my Path
I am so blessed in Her light

Solita -2007

Tonight I saw a Falling Star
So I made a wish to dream on
I wish you time to try and to fail and try again
I wish you an uncluttered mind and curious soul
I wish for you a steady friend to hold in your heart till time dost end
I wish for you a stunning sunrise at beginning of every day
I wish for you a place of comfort and solace when your in need
I wish also for trials and tests for in completing these you will
gain both strength and wisdom
I wish you laughter ... great big chortles... giggles and shy sweet smiles
I wish you empathy and its sturdy twin tolerance.
and at days end may you sleep deep, dream sweet and safe under Our Lady's silver light
All these things I have wished for you
none can you hold in your hand...
or cash at the bank or even exchange it for something more grand
Because this wish is my wish
wished on a falling star


I make this wish with all my heart

I make this wish with all my spirit

I make this wish for you

All the ones that touch my spirit
met and yet to be

I will never force nor bind anyone with this wish

it is a gift and as with any gift

..you must accept it or deny it

In my Lady's name ...
MAY IT HARM NONE
These are my WORDS
This is my WAY

Solita Shadoewalker -2007

-
While I Weep ...
-------------------------------------------------------------­------------------
Hold me while I weep

Hold me while I weep
Only allow my tears to drench your hands as you cradle me

Hold me while I weep
While I shake and cough against you

Hold me while I weep

I will not ask you to fly to the sun
Nor build me a castle in the sky

Do not dry my tears nor try to make
that which has rended me right once more

Do not weep with me

I ask you only

To hold me while I weep

Solitaire @ 2007

A STUDENTS GIFT

Teaching as I do those younger then I
I am oft asked strange and wondrous questions
Some make me think ..re examine my ideas and thoughts
Some make me smile .. as I remember when I asked the same question, the same way

And some ... Confuse me

This is one of those

It was the end of class and most had gone , a few stragglers were chatting and I had stopped listening
"excuse me please" a so soft voice asked and I looked up into dark serious eyes chestnut hair framed the face of my most quiet student.

Sitting back I put down my pen and gave her my attention..This would be the first time we would speak in the 5 months since she began

"Can I help you with something?" I asked?

She looked down at the books she carried and said almost too softly to hear.

"How often may I use magic?Is it best just for Ritual and Ceremony?"

As I looked up into her face I realized that what I said now, here in this room would send her toward my Lady ...

or send her searching further.

Knowing this I chose my words carefully

"Ritual and Spells , Sabots and Circles all are places we call Power and Worship..But let me tell you how I use magic and perhaps it will help you see"

"Shall we begin at the beginning?" and smiling offered her a seat,

"This morning as I got up and lit a candle in the East window along with a small amount of morning incense , to salute the Dawn and The Lady

When I set the tea *** I stir in a chant of health and safety with the teabags and with each small dish placed before 7 prancing, sleek and furry babies comes a soft touch on each forehead and a Blessing to bring them home safely after their wanders,

My plants as I water them I touch the leaves and infuse through my touch the essence of life the phone rings and as I listen to a Brother or Sister
They know I hold focus rune stones and that I send them calm and caring thoughts to carry them through their hectic day.

Spells for safety and chants for health charms and symbols and song...

There is no hour no moment that I am not Witch
each step and breath is magic and through my practice
I pull that which is Power and Energy

To "save" magic , for Rituals and Sabots as though we might somehow ...run out ...to me it is if someone came and
said "Breath only for Ceremony and Rites"

It is beyond my reason to be a sometimes Witch ..

From my last thought at night to the first light of day

I am Witch ...

cooking , cleaning, shopping, crying ...

I am Witch

Magik is in the air I breathe and each action I take , granted after all these years most are second nature to me now.

But there was a time...not so long ago ...When as a serious ..very young ...Novice believed that magic was so special that it should only be used with great ceremony..

But now after all this time and with my Lady's gentle guidance I know every breath and heartbeat is a magical thing ..

a celebration ...a joyous affirmation.

So now through the eyes of time I have offered her my Way and I see the light in her eyes and I knew I had explained what I felt..and she had understood.

Magic..
Don't save it
Spend it
Shower your world ,
Enfold your life,
Wrap yourself in the Energy of the Universe...
And the Magic will Enfold, Protect , Nurture and Love you
and your Path will never be far from you.

Then, with only a smile and a nod she left, but Student and Mentor connected and I was able to pass my passion
forward and Lady willing one day she too will pass forward the Rapture

One student ...One small question..Thank you my Lady for sending me this sweet reminder of the Passion and Joy that is my life in your keeping

Solitaire Shadoewalker -2007@Copywrite

where is the magic she said?
as we stood looking into a vast garden
we sat on shaded rocks
I offered to take her hand and slowly poured the fountain water through her cupped hands
This is the magic  your hands are cupped and you want to hold the water
though it coats your hands most completely you cannot hold it
you can call it you can dance in it you can shower your dear hearts in it
use it yes, and abuse it
but it will never be held detoured pooled and dammed
never held
it will sweep around you engulf and drowned you
Protect and guide you but
it will not be held
soft as rain cold as snow wild as fire
as sure and natural as your mothers heartbeat
This is magic
Wear it throw it secret it deny it
it will creep through your fingers and rain down your face
it will fall gently into your arms and drop softly into the garden
and look even as you held it
it blessed your hands to your work and has gone
This is magic
This is what I know
This is what I feel
This is magic

Solita - 2007

WARRIORESS

I see you stand there so tall and strong
bravely facing what will come
You have no fear of battle
and will hold our banner sweeping
Its not the surge of men and arms that will make you turn aside
It is times like this
On moon bright nights when all are sound and sleeping
The whyspered thoughts
and empty arms and a hearth fire your not keeping

We have made our choices you and I
and other hands will rock the cradles

We will be the Guardians of our Way now as long as we are able.

The trumpets blows and the camp awakes it is time again for strength
Now you rouse them all with your sirens call
and battle songs and chants

We are the Guardians of our Way and the time has come to let our

steel dance.

Solita - 2006-@-Copywrite

The Question

It happened again..a throw away question really these days ...
What Path is yours?
At once the rote rose in my throat ....
Witch Wiccan Solitary Electic and I stopped .. dead

Its true I am all these things and more to be sure:

I chose ...
Wicca because I am tied to the beliefs the ebb and flow rebirth and renewal
Witch because the practice makes my heart fly and soul dance every scent , stone and candle
Solitary because even though I have found so many Sisters and Brothers on my way
I have no stomach or strength for politics.
Electic..ah well here my problem lay
I love the freedom choice does bring
ButI am also a teacher...
I love the A B C's and 1 2 3's I love to do an intricate ritual from begining to end and feel the soft touch of the past as each step taken I understand that this dance has been stepped before decades past

It brings me great joy and comfort to know the dance I dance and the Names I use have been on the sweet breath of those who have gone before me.
So Tradition has a part on my Path after all ....:)
So who am I
I am Air and Earth Fire and Water
I am Past and Future
I am Mother and Babe
I am New and I am Aged beyond all Time
Come Join me in the Dance of the Circle
Teach me your Ways and I will share mine
Together we will Honour our sweet Lady with our gifts and talents
and we will know Joy in the Journey
I am
Solita Shadoewalker
These are my Words and this is my Way

@Copywrite-2006

Prayer To the Goddess


I open the door well before
the dawn's pale light

and feel You caress my face

reminding me that You are still here ..
that in the night You have missed nothing
and that even while I slept
I am in your care

In April your touch will be warmer
more gentle
but no less insistent
nor less enlightening..
For when I forget You remind me ..
that there is no step I can take
that I take alone , without You
no action through which You do not move
no air that You do not feel me breathing
no moment so short that I do not share it with You
no music through which Your heartbeat does not comfort me

Goddess of the winter moon
be patient with me
I am slow to awaken in this January cold
but I will find You in the bitter wind
as I found You in the sunshine of summer
and though I may need
reminding now and then
I know, and will always know
that You are near and I am your child

Solitaire Archer-2005

MAY THE LADY HOLD YOU GENTLY AND BRING TO YOU SOLACE

I am a Woman

I am a woman turning to stone
each day each night while I sleep
My muscles tighten harden and quit
slowly
My friends leave

I am a woman turning to stone
my reach shrinks and strength fails
my temper dwindles and emotions pale
and now my family too stops listening

I am a woman made of sand
slowly daily hourly
I am being eroded
By the pain that is now my constant companion
drop by drop cup by cup it rains down on this
She of sand

small aches and pains cramps and the dull burning throb
That never really leaves
gallon by gallon deluge by uncounted deluge
the mind numbing pain that leaves you wanting only the cool dark end
the pain that sits you down hard!!!

and steals your breath away

I am a woman hardly there at all ... anymore



Solita @2007

By Fire born and Water blessed
this soul is released
Earth unbind and Spirit Guide
this soul homeward soars
Summerland calls and Lady beckons
Joyous and Bright The Circle Turns
in Honour and Celebration
Sister's journeys ends and begins once more
May the next turn bring Love and Abundance and Joy
Cedar and Laurel Amber and Jet
Sage and Feather and Stone

With Song and Dance we Celebrate and Mourn

The Circle is turning now slower and solemn
with memory and grief
Willow and Benzoin and Jade
Lady keep our Sister dear
Be at Peace

SOLITAIRE-2007

These I Call

I reach, my feet toes digging into
the soft damp earth
this is the power of Body,
clay and sand and rock
this is the Grounding Point
This is the point of Calm of Rest
I Call North
I entreat the Earth
I acknowledge the Power of My Body
I throw my hands high reaching, yearning
the wind wends my skirt round my staff in Freedom
This is the point of Reason
This is Zephyr and Breeze and Gale
I call East
I entreat The Air
I acknowledge the Power of My Mind
Now I pull my Power
from deep in my core
call and play until it dances over my fingers
This is the point of healing Fire
This is the Power of My Actions
The crack of lightning and the snap of Fire
I call South
I Entreat Fire
I Acknowledge the Power of My Actions
Now I flow in not out
engulfed, enfolded warm and safe
as the day before breath
This is the point of Feeling of
comfort both given and received
I call West
I entreat Water
I Acknowledge the Power of My Feelings
Upward pulled with Luna Joined
With Sky and Moon I am rapt in a star filled bowl
This is the place of Consciousness
I Call a Sacred Place
This is Galaxy, Moon, and Stars
I call Up
I Entreat The Cosmos
I acknowledge The Power of my Consciousness
Through my mind and my core
Through that which makes me Witch
Through legs into Earth
Through crust and deeper yet
Slower it steadies and my heartbeat slows ,
and matches that which sustains us
I Call Down
I entreat The Core , This Sacred Place
I Acknowledge The Greater Life and Web of all Being
Mother Earth
From within now come Soul Spirit
Essence of Life
This is where My Lady waits
Goddess , Ancestors , Guides and Companions

I Call The Center
I Entreat The Spirit
I Acknowledge the inner ways and song and dance
Visions Quests and Dream Times
and Shadoewalkers

These I Entreat and Invite
These I Honor and would learn from
These are gifts to me
from My Sweet Lady
Among these I will wait
In this Sacred Place

Solita@2008