Sofia Emma

Sofia Emma Jan 2013

Alright, world. It's time to get down to business. It's time to start caring about things that matter again. So take your mind away from all the trivial, superficial things and thing about the important things that change the entire dynamic of global society. I had a class last semester about Marx, Nietzsche and Freud. Those men amaze me. There was a time where there were people like Karl Marx trying to change the world. Forget whether you agree or disagree with his opinions. Whether he was right or wrong, he was convicted. It was his true beliefs. If you don't understand what I'm trying to say, think of Adolf ******. Some people agreed with beliefs of ******, some people didn't. People to this day are still agreeing and disagreeing with the beliefs of ******. Forget about all that. Even he, someone who was considered an awful man, did something. He tried to change the world. Yes, maybe he ended up changing the world for the worse, but the point is that in HIS MIND, he thought he was changing it for good. And after the existance of these people, all that stuff just... stopped. Who do we hear of nowadays who's trying to change the world (regardless of the outcome)? NOBODY. And the people who are doing things to change the world, nobody gives a **** about because people are too entranced with the more important things like What Not to Wear, the Kardashians, Honey Boo-Boo, and people being famous cake-makers. How many great philosophers, poets, psychologists who really care about the public do we hear around in this era? None! Of the few people who do try to make a difference in the world, none of them get recognized. Well, that is besides those celebrities who ***** a school in Africa because it's a good photo opportunity. I want nothing more than to even do the tiniest thing in my life that will make even a slight impact on the world; write a book, publish a philosophical transcript, but I'm starting to feel like there isn't even a point in doing so anymore because despite my efforts, in this shallow society, nobody would even take a glance.

Sofia Emma Jan 2013

A Quote By Me

"Not only is beauty of a person in the eyes of the beholder, so is the beauty of a smile."
~Imperfections

Sofia Emma Jan 2013

Having Only One Heart is Illogical

August 26, 2012

When he looks at me, it feels like he looks right through me. His eyes pierce through mine like a red hot nail. Just one quick look and every part of me from the inside starts wiggling. It's the way it feels that he's reading my thoughts when he looks at me, like he knows exactly how he's making me feel and he does it on purpose to drive me insane because he gets a rush off it.
Every time he speaks, opens his mouth, moves his lips, so beautiful, it kills me to have to control myself. All I can see is him using those strong teeth to bite into my neck to muffle the moans. And when he laughs, it sends a warm happiness into me. Like if he's happy, I can be happy, and when he's sad, nothing is right.
And oh god, when he smiles.
He is so remarkable. Like a perfect sculpture of humanity. A rigid, masculine jaw, solid hipbones, a small, muscular waist, toned arms that have just a little more than a hint of proud biceps, and a smile that lights up the country.
He is my best friend. Like brother and sister. But siblings don't spend a ****, beautiful, romantic night together that feels so right right and feels so wrong, and means so much, and means so little.
Maybe one day, he'll see how happy I want to make him. Time to try again.

I briefly had feelings for my best friend after my ex left. This poem was written before I came to terms with the fact it was never going to happen.

Sofia Emma Jan 2013

What I Must Remember Not to Tell You

August 14, 2012

When I see you, I will play nice.

I won't tell you how, when we talked that Saturday four days after you left, I ran away from home and my mom couldn't find me for three hours.
I won't tell you how the first month, I cried myself to sleep most nights and I couldn't even bring myself to watch television because I couldn't stand seeing happy couples in shows because it hurt too much.
I won't tell you that now, no matter how badly I want to, I can no longer cry.
I won't tell you how I sought comfort in feelings that were never really there.
I won't tell you that the idea that I would soon see you completely consumed my thoughts since I found out.
I won't tell you I know exactly how long it's been to the day since you left, and that I still can't bring myself to delete the pictures of you on my cellphone, or how I saw that you deleted the ones of us off Facebook and that broke my heart more than it should have.
You might notice that I still wear your late mom's crystal bracelet, but I won't tell you how obsessively careful I am not to break it just because you asked me to be back when you still loved me.
I won't tell you how much it satisfies me that you're lonely and miserable. How your pain and regret is my personal revenge.
I won't tell you about the equal satisfaction I got when that girl who I was friends with told me you admitted it was about your mom, and the laugh I got out of the fact you said I was right.
I won't tell you how I see you slowly realizing I was the best girl you will ever have.
I won't tell you how sometimes, I ******* to my best friend, the one I told you I had no attraction to.
I won't tell you how the one day I had cuddling with him felt more right than the entire year I spent with you.
I won't tell you that, after you left and I ****** my ex, I always imagined he was you.
I won't tell you how I never forgave you for not coming to the hospital the day my Grandpa died and how I never forgave you for standing me up to go smoke up with your friend the day we had plans to hang out with mine and then lied to me about it, and I found out when I called your friend and asked if he'd seen you.

I might tell you that yes, you were a bad boyfriend, you're right.
I might tell you only a low scumbag of a person makes someone feel like their diagnosis is their fault.

But I definitely won't tell you that despite all that, I'm still in love with you.

Sidenote* - These were my feelings in August and are not anymore.

Sofia Emma Jan 2013

The Ball No One Ran After

November 3, 2012

Some children are playing ball in the street. The ball rolls around behind a car. One sweet kid saunters over to get it. All the other kids are too lazy. As soon as the ball is brought back, one kid kicks it again and it rolls down the street and down a hill. No kid makes an effort to retrieve it. A kid goes inside their house and gets another ball.

Sofia Emma Jan 2013

Untitled. - An angry rant about instincts.

Written August 31, 2012 (the day after my birthday!)

It actually baffles me, how the human heart works. As a species, us humans enjoy believing we're the best species, we're far more advanced than any other animal, we're so much smarter, we have technology... and opposable thumbs! But in reality, though our inventions and creations are the most advanced, really we're just like animals in the wild. In the end, it all comes down to instinct. Recently, I found this fact in myself to be remarkably true. We have someone in our lives we care about, for example. Instinctually, we want to protect them, so when they do something bad, naturally we want to defend them, especially after seeing them going through hard times. Your defensive instinct skyrockets and you make excuses for them and defend their right to make mistakes after what they've been through but there comes a point when your instinct to protect yourself overpowers your instinct to protect someone else separate from yourself. Especially after finding out you had been defending them for nothing and all this changes in a couple days.

Sofia Emma Dec 2012

Just Another Lonely Winter

The winter last, I, with child-like excitement, jumped up and down exclaiming about the beautiful, crystalline snow on the ground outside my window. Thrilled over the beautiful, bumpy sheet of white that covered all memory of summer for as far as I could see. Images of sparkly Christmas lights danced in my imagination. Wishing I could afford to go skiing, and hoping to get a kiss under the mistletoe. So why is it that this year, when I look out my window, all I see is *****, frozen specs of water that fell from the sky? Why is it that now, the cold seems more lonely than it does refreshing, and the ground seems like a wasteland of death where the vibrancy of summer once was not so long ago? Why is this winter so different?